• Published 12th Nov 2017
  • 897 Views, 49 Comments

Jack Spicer's Quest to Conquer Equestria - CrazedLaughter



Jack Spicer and Wuya are teleported to Equestria after a fight with Omi and his friends. Jack, using his evil genius, plots a magnificent and fool proof plan to take over the new land he finds himself in. Also Wuya is there.

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Chapter 15 - DJ on Deck

Now that Jack had the compliance of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. All he had to do was nab a random Unicorn to force to use the Alicorn Amulet.

Though, Jack couldn't do it at the moment. He yawned sleepily. His energy was spent. and he began to curl up in the clubhouse floor.
"You guys mind if I nap here? and can I get a pillow? It's dusty down here." Jack rolled up into a little ball.

"You're gonna go to sleep? Now? Right here?" Sweetie Belle asked, feeling a little antsy

"Hey, I stood up all night getting stuff ready. A guy like me needs his sleep. important umm..hero sleep." Jack nuzzled into his arms.

"Jack, are ya sure you wanna sleep right there? We're gonna be paintin and fixin up the clubhouse right now" Applebloom stated as she tapped his side.

Jack opened a single eye and looked at her "I thought you were gonna get the mirror?"

"We are...it's just we already had planned to this first, It's not gonna take too long, but. You're kinda big and hard to get around" Applebloom said.

"ehhhhhh" Jack turned around and closed his eyes "I don't think painting is that important"

Scootaloo trotted up to Jack from the other side "But Jack, think of it this way! While we work we can come up with a plan to get the mirror. We just can't go and get it right now without a plan.Just give us some time and I bet we can come up with a plan that's actually pretty sneaky , they'll never ever know it was gone!"

Jack opened his eyes and looked at Scootaloo, a smile forming on his face "Sneaky? Did you say sneaky?"

Scootaloo nodded "Mhmm, well. you Gotta be sneaky if you don't wanna get caught right?"

"That's absolutely right. Already thinking like a...ahrm...hero. Willing to do what's needed to save the world. atta girl!" Jack reached out and gave her mane a small ruffle "Ok, in that case.." he yawned "I'll get going so you guys can paint. Just remember, think sneaky!" He pointed to Scootaloo and gave her a wink

"You betcha, get a good rest Jack. We need everypony in tip top condition so we don't get our butts kicked by Wuya!" Scootaloo waved to him as he crawled out the door.

Applebloom and Sweetie Belle joined in the wave. Though Applebloom only had half her heart into it. She didn't like the idea of just taking it. What if Twilight needed it because she got attacked by Wuya again? Or...did they even know how to use the mirror? If it wasn't for the chance of a cutie mark, she would fully put her efforts in convincing Jack to team up with her sister and her friends.

"UNGh...UNNNGH..." Jack was trying to force himself back through the door. But it seemed his food all settled into his stomach enough to make him just slightly big enough to not fit. "...a little help? Sorta stuck here."

Sweetie Belle turned to Applebloom "Butter?"

Applebloom nodded, and brought out some butter "Butter"


Scootaloo called out to Jack "Don't worry Jack, we'll get you unstuck!"

"Ok....ugh..." Jack sighed "Why couldn't I have brought the changing chopsticks with me?.."

The CMC started to apply butter to Jack's sides, smearing a lot of it on his coat. Jack himself just looked at the beautiful scenery of the Applefarm ahead of him, with Ponyville even beyond. "....this place really needs a fixer upper." he said to himself "Dark clouds, some fires, desolate gloom and doom, a giant castle with my name in neon lights where that stupid tree castle is....another castle for my summer getaways....that'd be nice"

"Ok! We're ready to push you through! You ready Jack?" Scootaloo called out.

"huh?..oh yeah, right! I'm ready" Jack called back.

"OK, READY GIRLS! ONE, TWO, THREE!" And all three of them gave a heavy shove at Jack's rear, making him fly out the door like a rocket.

"TOO HARD! TOO HARD!" Jack yelled as he started to fly forward and downward.

"AHHH! I'M FALLIN-" Then Jack realised "oh yeah...right..heli-OMPH" He realised too late as he slammed right into the ground.

The CMC, looking outside the door. All winced from Jack's crash.

Applebloom called out to him "ahm..s-sorry Jack...y-you..alright?"

Jack slowly raised a single hand with a thumbs up "I'm ok mommy....but I want another cookie..pleaseeeughh.." And then he fell unconscious from the impact and his tiredness.

"Wow, look at him girls! He's so awesome that he can sleep even after hitting the ground like that! He must be able to do it from all that training he probably does!" Scootaloo said with admiration.

"I dunno Scootallo, I think the impact is what knocked him out" Sweetie Belle observed swearing she heard him call out for his mom...and a cookie.

"Nah, he'd be in a lotta pain if that was it. But all that heroic training he does must make him super tough!" Scootaloo said

Applebloom opened up the bucket of paint. "Ya think we should wake him when we're done?"

"I don't think so, I'm sure he's so used to it that he can wake up at his own will. Besides, if we accidentally wake him up too early. Then it might screw up whatever he has planned while we get the mirror!" Scootaloo said in earnest. Thinking Jack was using a special sleeping technique.

And so, Jack laid unconscious on the ground outside the clubhouse. Dreaming of cookies and world domination.

Time passes to midday,Jack eyes slowly open to the brightly colored, beautiful.....dirt. "ughhh...what happened...I feel like I fell from a million feet." He slowly got up, and looked up at the clubhouse ".....ok a few feet...a few feet can hurt too you know..." Jack looked around, seeing signs of nobody around. "....You know, the comments I make these days would have more meaning if I said it in front of someone...even an evil boy genius gets lonely sometimes..."

Jack continues to look about, still pondering on the thought "Ok..I gotta stop talking to myself..It's not like there's anybody around to actually care or wonder what I'm saying...I think this place is just getting to me...Feels like i'm in a television show or something..but..how silly is that huh? I mean, it isn't really. A show starring me, Jack Spicer would be pretty sweet. It could be all about my evil adventures..haha! I even got a good name for it! Heylin Showdown, I'd get up every saturday morning for that!"

The only response he got was from the passing wind bellowing through the trees

"....ok..that's enough of that" Jack looked up at the clubhouse "Hey, you girls there? You done painting yet?"

no answer

"ugh..come on..." Jack went up the walkway carefully and looked through the window of the clubhouse. There was nobody there "hrn.....they left. I wonder if they are getting the mirror. I better leave em a note." Jack sat down and took out a paper and a pencil

He wrote down "drop off the alicorn amulet here in the clubhouse, will pick up later..Regards - Jack"

Jack placed it on the door with a piece of tape "There we go! Foolproof. Now, I got a unicorn to capture. And lucky for me, there's a whole town full of em. This is gonna be a piece of cake! hahahaha!" Jack turned to walk back down, but due to his size and the narrow flooring, he stepped right off where there was no step.
"gah!..haha! not this time! Deploying Heli-ACK!" And Jack once again plummets to the ground as his Helipack activates and begins dragging him along the ground as his painful cries are muffled.

Jack frantically shuts off his helipack and quickly gets up, spitting dirt out of his mouth and wiping himself off "...ok..less talking...m-more doing!..My poor face though...I hope I still look ok...."

Jack again activates his helipack and carefully makes his way to the outskirts of town. Staying low altitude and using whatever bush or tree he could find. "Kinda wish I had the Moby Morpher right now...it'd make things ALOT easier."

Jack finally arrived, and using a simple bush as a good basic villain disguise. Began to skulk around town. Looking for a poor, unsuspecting unicorn to kidnap.

"Lesse...no, that's a normal horse...that's a flying horse..flying horse..normal horse...normal horse..Ahh there's a few...agh...can't get close enough..I need to find a straggler...doesn't this town have any bums? Nobody ever misses them"


But as Jack moved about, he just couldn't find a single unicorn he could grab without getting caught "Darnnit, There's just too many of them. Time to check the backroads!"

Jack snuck back out to the outskirts and started to sneak behind trees and bushes just outside the road. Looking for any stray unicorns.

After some time, Jack finally spots an odd white unicorn with odd purple tinted shades with a black rim. her mane and tail two shades of blue. She was laying down against a tree, she seemed to have some sort of earbuds or something on. She was just silently bobbing her head.

Jack sneaked as close as possible to the oblivious Unicorn. She didn't even seem to notice his bush moving ever so closer to her.

Jack took out his snare gun and looked around to make sure there weren't any witnesses.
He slowly aimed his gun towards the aloof horse and fired. Capturing her in a net.

"Hey! What's the big idea!" The horse called out

Jack popped out and laughed "HAHAHAHA! YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE JACKED!"

The horse wasn't even struggling, she just picked up her shades from inside the net with her magic and put them back on her face "Jacked? I dunno, that doesn't sound very catchy. And what are you supposed to be anyway?"

"I'm Jack, Evil boy Genius...and that's all you need to know right now! Now shut up, you're coming with me!" Jack said with arrogance as he went to grab the net.

"Evil, huh?" The horse rubbed her chin. "That doesn't sound very good.....but..I wonder if I can make a beat out of it"

"What? wha?...what are you even...just shut up! I got stuff to do!"

Jack went to grab the net and attach it to his Helipack when suddenly he was in a purple aura and lifted slowly off the ground. "Hey! What the!?" He punched the air, only spinning "What's going on?"

The horse said nothing as she started thumping her hoof up and down.

Then she started making beat noises "bum bum budadadada bum bum budadada"

"wh-WHA HEY! OWWW OWW AHH OWW!" Suddenly Jack was being hit against a tree and the floor to the beat of her mumbling. "STOP AHHH AHH STOP AHH OWWW!"

After a bit more of a thrashing, she stops and sighs in disappointment "Not even close to sounding good" The aura disappeared from around Jack, dropping him into the ground with a small slam.

"..n..n..ngh..w-what happened...?" Jack groaned, holding his head.

"I think you we're in the middle of kidnapping me or something. Buuuuuuut..I dunno, whatever it is...really killing my vibe" the horse said, tapping at the net.

Jack slowly got up, and pointed at her with anger, he wasn't going to give up just because he got tossed around. "Listen here horse! You're not the one giving orders here! Now stop resisting before I do something really bad!"

The horse had stopped listening to him at this point and had managed to roll the net back to the tree, where she was again, bopping her head silently….While in the net

Jack was stunned "What the?! Aren't you going to take this seriously?! Evil bad guy over here! Pretty scary!"

She didn't answer, it seemed she stopped caring altogether, even though she was still inside the net.

"GRRRR! LISTEN TO ME" he points to himself "ME JACK!" then he points to her "IS KIDNAPPING YOU HORSE" Then he waves his hands "FOR BIG EVIL PLAN!"

No answer, she didn't care for him anymore.

Jack walked up over to her and stood directly over her, glaring at her "STOP LISTENING TO WHATEVER YOU'RE LISTENING TO AND PAY ATTENTION!"

the horse took out her ear buds and lowered her shades a bit to look into Jack's eyes

Jack sighed "Finally..ok lis-"

"Hey buddy, can you do your...uhhh..whatever somewhere else...sorta..umm..sorta in my sunlight there." She said, waving her hoof at him

"WHAT?!!?! WHY DO YOU...YOU'RE WEARING SUNGLASSES!" Jack was confused,annoyed, and thinking he was going to explode like Wuya had.

"Yeah but...you know, sun's good for the body, good for the fur and all that. I got a gig later and I want to be all relaxed and chilled for a super big rave party down at Ponyville. It's gonna be off the chain!"

"......" Jack was silent...she just wasn't getting it.

Jack just took his monkey staff from his coat and clobbered the horse over the head with it.

She was suddenly dazed and dunced "Hey...stars..it's night time..gotta get to that gi....g" And then she fell over, unconscious.

Jack grabbed the net and locked it to his helipack...it was pretty heavy. he then made his way back to his base "I hate this place,you're not supposed to just brush off evil like that. No respect, I swear. I feel like bag boys get more respect than I do"

He then looked at his knocked out captive "And you, you better not give me any lip!"

She doesn't respond, given her current state


"Good......good" Jack whined "Keep it together Jackie boy, you're soooooooooo close. just gotta keep an eye on the prize!"

Jack had managed to get back to his base without getting spotted. And dropped off the horse in the scrap and gem filled room. "Here Dragonbutt, I brought you a friend."

Spike looked over to see the white horse, her shades were crooked. "Hey I know that pony!...wait...why did you kidnap Vinyl? I doubt a nerd like you knows how to groove."

Jack shook his fists in anger, nobody insults his ability to groove and gets away with it "I DO SO KNOW HOW TO GROOVE! JACKBOT! PLAY ME A FUNKY BEAT!"

The Jackbot complies playing a funky sweet beat.

Jack immediately starts to flail his arms and shake his butt, then do silly jumping jacks and then do a spin and a pose, nearly losing his footing. But catching himself with a jump and landing on his feet. Then doing a terrible moonwalk.


"ok stop, stop please!" Spike cried out


"What's the matter, can't handle "Jack Style"? Too much for a peabrain like you huh?" Jack put on some dark shades as he did another pose

"Yes! It's too much!...It's torture to watch. I've never witnessed dancing so bad that it made me want to puke!" Spike was seriously nearly convulsing as he held his stomach "Please make it stop! No more! I can't take it!"

Jack smirked "that's right! that....wait" he suddenly frowned "My dancing is bad?"

"YES, DEAR CELESTIA YES! FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING DECENT..PLEASE NEVER DO THAT AGAIN" Spike started to cry.

"........" Jack was terribly stunned with the sudden news of his bad dancing, he couldn't even get egotistical to retort "But....but my mom said my dancing was the best she ever saw...."

A tear ran down Jack's eye as he walked off "I need a minute...I have to re-evaluate my life..."

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