• Published 12th Nov 2017
  • 871 Views, 49 Comments

Jack Spicer's Quest to Conquer Equestria - CrazedLaughter



Jack Spicer and Wuya are teleported to Equestria after a fight with Omi and his friends. Jack, using his evil genius, plots a magnificent and fool proof plan to take over the new land he finds himself in. Also Wuya is there.

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Chapter 2 - Scouting the Village

Jack, still in monkey form and still in a panic. Perhaps even moreso due to the effects of the Monkey staff. Ran towards the mysterious village for refuge from the demon horse he had encountered.
"DEMON HORSE, THERE'S A DEMON HORSE AMONG YOU. BEWARE, EVERYONE! A DEMON HORSE LIVES AMONG YOU EKK AHHHH!!! EEK EEK. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"
but as he ran through the village ranting and raving, startling and scaring the townspeople. He started to notice what the townspeople actually were.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THIS WHOLE TOWN IS FULL OF DEMON HORSES! AAAHHHHHHH!" Jack continued on his panicked run as the townspeople...townsponies rather. Began to panic themselves at the strange cloaked creature's ramblings of demon horses.

Jack runs all the way from one end of town to the other. Happening upon a castle. Still in a panic, he just jumps and climbs up to the top of one of the spires and hides out. shaking in his evil boots.
Wuya was passing through the town, still looking for Jack. And as she did. She could see the obvious chaos he had wrought with his ramblings and screaming. She started to realize that the town wasn't full of demon horses...but rather people who were ponies...or something. She started to think she wasn't in her own dimension...that perhaps...

She follows Jack's trail up to the top of the odd treelike castle and flies up towards him. Jack was whimpering at the top, sounding more monkey than man.

"Jack, there you are!"

Jack looked up whimpering "Wuya, doomed...we're doomed...eek eek"

Wuya looked at the monkey Jack unamused "Jack, snap out of it! I'm not going to deal with your monkeyshines! don't you remember what will happen if you stay in that form too long?"

Jack nodded "oh right..hehe..eek..eek..me forget"

Jack transforms back, regaining his regular mind and his senses. and looks down from the castle spire. "Hey Wuya, did you see what I saw down there?"

Wuya knew where this was going to head "Jack, I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. If you actually took the time to observe what I SAW down there then you'd know the proper conclusion is not "Super Scary Demon Horses" "

Jack started to rub his forehead with two fingers of his right hand, flabbergasted by her response "Are you going to tell me that's not what's down there? Are you SERIOUSLY going to doubt the word of the best evil boy genius the world has ever known?"

Wuya just stared at him, eyes half cocked "I don't think your definition of "genius" is the same as mine, Jack"

Jack snickered "Silly Wuya, genius means smart, intelligent, one with a high I.Q."

"yes, that is the way I understand it. and once you start understanding it the same way then perhaps I'll take you a little more seriously" Wuya was getting tired of Jack at this point.


Jack just turned away from her with a harumph "Wuya, you just don't understand. That's why in the end. Guys like me don't end up in stupid puzzle boxes."

Wuya's eye twitched, that remark had made her remarkable angry in an instant. She rushes up to his face, fury binding her "THAT'S BECAUSE FAILURES LIKE YOU CAN'T EVEN FOLLOW THE SIMPLEST OF INSTRUCTION AND ALWAYS RUIN EVERYTHING AND COME UP WITH THE MOST INSURMOUNTABLY TERRIBLE PLANS. LISTEN HERE YOU SIMPLETON! IF YOU ACTUALLY PAYED ATTENTION. YOU'D HAVE REALIZED BY NOW THAT WE SOMEHOW ENDED UP IN A DIMENSION THAT NOT ONLY HAS NO SHEN GONG WU! BUT THE WORLD WE ENDED UP IN SEEMS TO BE MADE UP OF HORSES AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE! AND DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE WORST PART OF ALL THIS?!"

Jack smiled nervously, he hadn't seen Wuya this angry in a while "ummmm, haha. We don't have any hot cocoa?"

She suddenly started to shake in pure anger "I'M STUCK HERE WITH YOU! IN THIS GHOSTLY FORM! WITH POSSIBLY NO WAY BACK BECAUSE THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY CAN DO ANYTHING IS A BLUBBERING COWARD SCREAMING NONSENSE ABOUT DEMON HORSES!"

Jack lets out a quick laugh and points directly at her "Haha! but you just admitted that there's horses down there! and you heard that other one talk. Therefore demon horse!" Jack smiles triumphantly "I win, Jack one Wuya zero! that's why you never debate with one of superior intellect"

Wuya suddenly fell over and began talking with herself "....what's the point.My entire life, either they don't listen to me or they don't trust me. How is a powerfully evil being such as myself supposed to find such good help these days if today's humans bred into such.." her eyes are drawn to Jack, who hasn't left his triumphant pose ".....no never mind, the words I have may be too inappropriate"

Wuya sighed, and just accepted how things are. If she was going to deal with Jack, she'd deal with him AFTER she got her body back "Alright Jack, I'll level with you, They are demon horses."

Jack smiles smugly at her "So you admit they are demon horses!"

Wuya sighs, defeated "yes yes, demon horses. Whatever. That's not the point.The point is I think we should find out about this world before we make our next move. There might not be any Shen Gong Wu here. But I can still sense powerful magics at work."

Jack started rubbing his chin "Powerful magic huh? I dunno...I was never big on magic"

Wuya gave a deadpan stare at Jack ".........you are aware the Shen Gong Wu are magic, right Jack?"

"yeah but it's like, Kung Fu stuff. Totally different." Jack said

Wuya was just going to accept this for now "Alright..then. In anycase Jack, we have been given an opportunity to start anew, possibly amass more power than we ever imagined, and perhaps even make new...more powerful allies. I can sense it...the magical powers of this world flow like raging rivers. I can only imagine what this world can hold in terms of RAW POWER!"

Jack edged towards the end of the roof to look down. He noticed some of the horses were flying, some..even seemed to be using magic all their own. "Yeah but..what about the demon horses?"

Wuya again felt anger bubble up in her, she was tired of the mention of Demon horses. The horses she saw were just as freaked out as Jack was when he was running through town. "Jack, we have dealt with MUCH worse than "Demon Horses" that are even smaller than you are." She did her best to contain her anger

"What's your point? Those tried to kill me too" Jack said

"Ahh yes, they did. memories like those do put a little more humor in my black heart. But I somehow think you might be exaggerating the situation this time. So I ask you, as your companion, can you perhaps...please...." suddenly Wuya coughed "ugh..that word...anyway..just think of the horses you saw like people...like you...not like me of course...but just you...and just like you...they actually seem to be cowardly and rather stupid. Now, what if we used that to our advantage?"

Jack began to think "hmmmm, well I guess we could spy on them. Figure out how they work, learn their secrets, who their leader might be. And do what we do best. Steal whatever equivalent of Shen Gong Wu they......wait...did you just call me cowardly and stupid?"

"Oh, now you notice. It's not as if I'd haven't been calling you that THE ENTIRE TIME! But Jack, if you want to prove me wrong...oh so very wrong...then now might be the time to do it. You must learn the secret of these beings and take their most powerful possessions. Then we can work a way to getting back to our world to put those who oppose us in their place and actually conquer it for more than five minutes." Wuya cackled a little at just the mere thought of a full success.

"You got it! but only to show you that Jack Spicer is not only evil boy genius extraordinaire. But to show you that I'm the best there ever was...even better than you Wuya!" Jack smirked at her

Wuya yawned at him "sure sure, whatever. Hop to it Jack. And while you're at it. Try not to lose the Monkey Staff. In case this world does somehow have Shen Gong Wu, I'd rather not lose out on a showdown because you couldn't keep track of your things"

"you're not coming with me?" Jack inquired

"Of course not! another second with you and I think I'd actually explode out of existence! I'm going to do my own investigating. Meet me back here in a couple of hours. And try to bring me back something we can actually use. Got it!?"

"Fine...geez." he clicked the button on his helipack, producing two spinning propellors. "And the demon horses...you say they aren't actually scary monsters?"

"Yes Jack...unless you consider horses that look like a little girl's doll a threat" Wuya said, her annoyance with Jack reaching a level where she stopped caring.

"what? pfft! little girl dolls don't scare me..." he nervously chuckled "it's not like those little dolls my mom had scared me...always staring...watching.....hehe..."

"Just get to it Jack! I have my own work to do!" Wuya sneered as she flipped up and then down. disappearing through the roof of the castle.



Jack stuck his tongue out in mocking "yup, completely cranky since we got here. Now let's see. First thing's first, Gotta scout around and see what this place is all about....Now would be a good time to have the shroud of shadows.."

Jack started to fly down as quickly as possible as to not be spotted. He flew down from the back of the castle away from where the townspeople could see. Then upon landing. Used his Monkey Staff to stealthily get back into the town and hide inside a barrel without a small horse noticing. It seemed some were out and about. But the streets had become mostly empty. Probably some had panicked and hid in their homes from the danger...or lack thereof. Jack changes back to human form inside the barrel, and began to skulk about...slowly.

"...huh...looking at them this close. They are kind of cute...ngh..focus Jack. You got to resist the urge to...ride them. Let's see..."

he hid there, observing. from this distance he can definitely see that three kinds of these horses..or...picking up on they way they spoke...ponies..exist. Pegasi, Earth, and Unicorn. He started to note their characteristics. and was astounded by the abilities of the pegasi and the unicorns...noting the earth ponies as seemingly useless and stupid. "haha! oh wow! That's rich. a whole race of inferior ponies! I wonder how they sleep at night knowing they aren't as good as the winged ones or the ones with horns."

yeah, he noted that these were just people...but if they were horses....and had powers. It was like the ones with wings and horns had built in Shen Gong Wu. But the unicorns seemed the most useful. he was doing calculations. If he could get some more parts to make Jackbots. And could somehow harness this power as a source of energy. He'd might be able to make superior versions.But he still had to come up with a way to get home as well. "hmmm, I gotta capture one of them somehow. If I could harness their magic...maybe..wow..maybe even be able to use it myself. Haha! Why didn't I see it! I would be able to do all that scary magic stuff that Wuya could do. With an army of Jackbots that could do it too!....hrn....better not tell her though. She'd probably think I'd betray her or something. Which I totally would, but she probably just would hurt me before it ACTUALLY happened...she can be so impatient. I swear"

Jack continued watching, noting the younger ones size. "AWWWW! THAT'S ADORABLE!"

suddenly all the ponies that were about started to look around for the source of the noise.

Jack covered his mouth, still muffling adored adoration for the smaller ponies "mmphmmmmaawww"

he figured maybe capturing a younger one would make things easier. He could play with it, feed it, teach it to be evil like him. It'd be like a cute four legged Jack Jr.. But even if he did capture one. He had no homebase at the moment to take it back to. And no way he was going back through the forest to get to the abandoned castle.

he observed a little more, until he started to get hungry "...ugh...being evil sure works up an appetite...time to get some snacks"

he went to reach for his stash he kept in his helipack, but the barrel was restricting him from doing so. "hey, what gives! stupid barrel! being..soo...UGH!"


as he continued to struggle, the barrel began to shake until it eventually tipped over and began to roll. "COME ON" he whined "I'M HUNGGRYYYEHHEHEEE" he said, nearly crying.

he didn't realize his movements had caused the barrel to roll backwards and down a hill, the ponies that did see it weren't able to catch it or didn't care as it picked up speed and eventually began to roll out of town. "AHHHHH! SOMEONE STOP THIS CRAZY THING!!! WHATS GOING ON!"

And so the barrel rolled, and then hit a random ramp that had been placed for reasons unknown . Sending him off into the sky. So far high that he when he crashed down. The barrel had broken into pieces. "...o...ogh...." Jack got up and wobbled towards a tree as he grabbed hold and puked "oh..oh..geez..I feel..."

he looked down, and noticed his puke being of a yellowish color "Hey..!..That's the wrong color!...it's the same color as that Cheeseball! Oh...geez! Jack..what's wrong with your barf? it went so topsy turvy that it suddenly decided to dress as a good guy.....oh hey! is that my hot dog floating in t-there...haha" Suddenly, Jack fell over. Face first into his puke from his dizziness and hunger,

The little chunk of hot dog floats over to his nose as he turns his face, he takes a small sniff "...oh hey..it is!...man...I gotta be really unhealthy if it hasn't digested...ugh..Jack....go..sleepy now...night..mommy"

Jack falls unconscious

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