• Published 12th Nov 2017
  • 1,809 Views, 54 Comments

Jack Spicer's Quest to Conquer Equestria - CrazedLaughter



Jack Spicer and Wuya are teleported to Equestria after a fight with Omi and his friends. Jack, using his evil genius, plots a magnificent and fool proof plan to take over the new land he finds himself in. Also Wuya is there.

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Chapter 10 - Raiding Twilight's Castle

Jack, already knowing he could raid the castle with ease; Stopping any magical force with his Reversing mirror. Decided to take the time to build himself a quick makeshift Helipack with the parts he saved from his old one and new parts from his returning scavenger bot.

Spike stayed silent, defeated by his own hunger. He could only hope the others could forgive him for spilling the beans.

Jack's plan was relatively simple. Scope out the place, go in, get out. Ponies seemed overall weaker than anything he's ever dealt with before. So he felt anything more complicated would be pointless.

After finishing his crude Helipack, he made off with six Jackbots into the night sky.He felt he didn't need them. But the urge to yell "JACKBOTS ATTACK" and them actually attack something was something he felt he needed.

They eventually reached the castle.

Jack landed on the roof, his Jackbots following. He didn't want to barge right in without at least knowing where to go. He reached into his coat. "where are ya?"

He couldn't find what he needed, he couldn't find...the spybot.

"Come on, I know I left you in there somewhere...right?" Jack questioned himself as he reached into every pocket.

Suddenly, he could feel a small poke through his shoes, making him yelp "Hey! who did that!?"

Jack looked down, it was spybot. Jack leaned down and spoke to him in an agitated tone "Hey! Where have you been!? Can't you see we got important work to do? What are you doing crawling out of my coat like that?!Don't you realize it's dangerous out here?!"

The spybot says nothing

"Keeping quiet huh? Don't blame me when some eagle swoops in and takes you thinking you're some delicious snack, or did you forget what happened last time?! I tell you...what kind of idiot just forgets things like that?" Jack said, annoyed at his little spybot

the spybot said nothing, but it did bring up a hologram of Jack just flying off without him.

Jack blinked at it, silently. "......hmmm..How do I know you didn't make that up?"

The spybot starts displaying timestamps, internal data codes, and even replays a message from Jack himself stating "All images and footage property of THE Jack Spicer, anything within these images or footage that look like somebody else's house,temple, or shower room is purely coincidental and anyone who says otherwise can eat it! Also said images and or footage cannot be altered without the express knowledge and voice recognition password of me, Jack Spicer, so don't try dweebs"

Jack stayed silent. "....You can't prove that's me"




Spybot suddenly plays back Jack's words "You can't prove that's me" in which a message comes from the spybot "Voice recognition software recognizes voice as "Jack Spicer", Confirmed to match previous voiceprints"
The spybot then replays the message "What kind of idiot just forgets things like that" a couple of times

Jack sighs, puffing up his cheeks in frustration "Fine...whatever!......smartmouth..I should have just made it so you could talk so I could tell you to shut up!"

the Spybot just shrugs it's spider legs

Jack took a moment to collect his thoughts, to be shown up by his "Past self", it was humiliating

Jack looked down to spybot. "Ok, so..you've at least been doing your job right? Because I need schematics of the entire castle and routes to it's basement! Pronto!"

Spybot lit up, releasing a large hologram of the castle's interior. Including red lined routes to it's basement. And a seemingly secret wall...Behind it had to be the Alicorn Amulet

"Spybot! Give me the intel on that wall! What's behind it? How do I get it to open!?" Jack commanded

More blueprints and schematics showed up. It seemed a simple mechanism by pulling a book out labeled "Friendship is Magic". Then a visual of the room itself was presented. With the Amulet in the dead center on a pedestal. Jack smile grew wide as he stared at it "And Bingo was his name-o"

Without any subtly or modesty. Jack and his robots flew down to the front doors itself and kicked them open. He wanted to make a grand evil entrance of pure intimidation. To remind Princess Twilight who the future ruler was going to be. "YO HEY, JACK IS BACK AND HE BROUGHT HIS POSSE! SO EITHER GET BLASTED OR BOW DOWN TO YOUR FUTURE BOY EMPEROR!"

All there was was a whooshy wind noise from the opening of the door. The castle itself was silent."....ok...let's try the next room..Jackbots, Assault mode!"

The jackbots came out of their stealth, ready for a fight as he passed by the main room with the seven seats and large table. He kicked in the next door and restated "YO HEY, JACK IS BACK AND HE BROUGHT HIS POSSE! SO EITHER GET BLASTED OR BOW DOWN TO YOUR FUTURE BOY EMPEROR!"

Empty Hallway

"u-ugh...ok...fine..I'll just save it when I actually see her, come on Jackbots, we have an amulet to steal." Jack walked forward, heading to the doors that led to the basement when suddenly a shrillish high voice spoke from behind

"SEE RARITY! TOLD YA THERE WAS SOMEPONY YELLING SOMETHING ABOUT POSSUMS AND TEMPURA!"

Jack yelped in surprise and turned, before him was a white and pink horse. One of beauty, and one of puffy cotton candy "where what!? Where did you two come from?!"

The Pink one pointed from behind her to the main room "We came from that door to the east wing, you're in the west wing...and yet the castle can't fly despite having both wings! What's up with that huh?"

"Pinkie, darling, I think we have more daunting things to deal with at the moment. Such as de...OH MY WORD?! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE?!" The white one cried out, eyeing Jack up and down from her position, taking in his entire visage.

Impossible? Jack took this as a sign of his evil and grinned "Yeah, I know. You can't help but look at my awesome looks and realize how impossible it is to look this good while still being sooooo bad"

"That's not it! It's the fact that you have a black ensemble and STILL somehow look so icky and tacky!" The white one was completely disgusted with his form.

"Hey! This is top of the line clothes for the evil boy genius on the go! What would you know about style?! You stupid horse!" Jack retorted

Rarity eye twitched as anger bubbled inside of her "Did you just imply that I don't know style?"

The Pink one suddenly appeared next to Jack and whispered in his ears "Oh boy, now yer gonna get it. I'd feel sorry for ya. But you're that evil Jack Spicer we heard about. But just to show you no hard feelings before we whoop ya, Here's a pin!.....I guess I'll feel a little sorry actually, we could have mighta been friends,seeya!" The pink one slapped a pin onto Jack's coat with the words "Always stay smiling" on it, then slinked back to the white one's side.

Jack got startled at the pink horse's teleporting like movements and threw the pin off immediately "geez..that was creepy..anyway. hehe" he smirked "I'm not implying it, I'm downright saying that you don't know Jack!...haha" he shouldered one of his Jackbots "See what I did there?"

The Pink one giggled as well. Jack taking notice "see, even she gets it. And I don't even know her!"

Suddenly the white one gave the Pink one a mean look, causing her to smile nervously, then the white one shifted her attention to Jack once again. "Ohhhh! You're going to get it. Hurting one of my best friends and questioning, OF ALL PONIES, MY TASTE IN FASHION?! YOU'RE GOING DOWN!"

"Oh no, I'm so scared. Go ahead horse breath, do your worst!" Jack readied his hands to grab the reversing mirror "I'll stand right here! Come on"

The white one's horn began to glow. Jack readied himself for a magical blast, but instead one of his bots started to move out of line slowly towards the two horses "Hey! What are you doing?! Get back in rank!"

The white one smirked "I'm afraid, darling, that your little machine friend is going to be out of order. I'll be generous and give you a chance. Either give up now, or SUFFER THE WRATH OF RARITY!" Her eyes flared up.

The Pink one started to write something down, stating to herself "Note to self, never EVER make fun of Rarity's fashion sense after her having anger fits of Twilight being hurt and Spike being kidnapped"


Rarity turned to the Pink one "Don't mention Spike, Pinkie. I don't want to think about that now...I'd rather think about him when I have this little ruffian in a chair while I personally interrogate him on where MY LITTLE SPIKEY..WIKEY..IS, SO HE KNOWS HOW FURIOUS I CAN TRULY BE!" Her eyes suddenly became alit with flames as the robot shook and it's bolts ripped off and floated towards Rarity.

Jack was getting squeamish "oh...boy...what's with h- HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY JACKBOT!?" He said as he noticed it falling apart

"Oh nothing. I'd rather show you first hand that not only can I put beautiful pieces of art together. BUT I CAN ALSO TEAR UGLY,TACKY, UNCOUTH TRASH APART!" Rarity said in a rage. It seemed she had been angry all day about the very real threat of Jack Spicer and all the terrible things she heard about him. What he did to Twilight, and all the horrible things he possibly did to Spike. It was enough to drive a girl mad...well that and being told you weren't good at fashion.

The Jackbot fully fell apart, then, with her magic. She aimed it's bolts back at Jack and the Jackbots. Jack let out a silent "..mommy" and quickly ducked into a turn in the hallway as another of his Jackbots got shot up enough to stop functioning. He only had four left.

"AHHH, I THINK THATS AN ACTUAL DEMON HORSE! QUICK! JACKBOTS! ATTACK!" Jack said as he crawled under a small table.

Two Jackbots rushed at them first. And although Rarity was able to at least slow one down while she pulled it apart. She wasn't able to stop the other. Which was about to smash her in the face. She lost her focus on the other robot and covered her face. Squealing in fear as she put her forelegs on her face to cover it as she closed her eyes. Suddenly she didn't seem so tough.

A large SMASH AND CLANK is heard.

Rarity opens her eyes, only to see the robot from the front line with an anvil on it's head, spurting and twitching as the other one behind it crashed behind it.

Rarity turned to her side, to see the Pink one with a string in her hoof, reaching to the ceiling. She was smiling "Gee, that was a close one Rarity! Good Thing ole Pinkie Pie got your back huh?"

Jack just stared, confused and astonished "WHERE DID THAT EVEN COME FROM?!"

Rarity just looked up at the ceiling, then at the anvil "P-Pinkie,d-dear...d-did you boobytrap the castle?"

Pinkie nodded "Yup! Twilight did say while she was scouting with Rainbow and Fluttershy that we should stay vigilant in case Jack showed up. So I took the extra precaution of making sure we were ready! Pretty smart huh?"

Rarity poked at the disabled robot. "I don't think this is entirely safe"

Pinkie giggled "That's because it isn't" she pulled a second string "this is a safe!"


Suddenly a safe fell from the ceiling, crushing the second Jackbot and taking it out of commission.

Jack yelled out "OH COME ON! THAT JUST SEEMED SET UP FOR A PUN! THAT'S JUST STUPID! JACKBOTS...GET THEM, GET THEM! COME ON ALREADY!"

It didn't take long. But the team up of Pinkie and Rarity, which they used some sort of knitting and pie manuever that Jack couldn’t quite understand, made short work of the second to last Jackbot.as the last one made a cowardly beeline in the other direction.

After a well deserved high five, They go to pluck Jack from his hidey hole. But the moment they look...

"Hey, where'd he go?!

Jack had scurried off, in fact. While the fight was going on. He had made a beeline towards the basement. and had already managed to open the secret bookcase, he was practically salivating at this point "oh baby..s-so close!"

Jack saw it, in the middle of the purple plain looking hidden chamber was the Alicorn Amulet, sitting on a pedestal. He ran towards it and placed his hand on it. "FINALLY! FINALLY EVERYTHING IS GOING MY WAY FOR ONCE! HAHAHA...HA..ha..huh?"

He looked at his hand, right next to it was an orange hoof.

"Where ya think yer going with that, pardner?"

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