• Published 12th Nov 2017
  • 935 Views, 49 Comments

Jack Spicer's Quest to Conquer Equestria - CrazedLaughter

Jack Spicer and Wuya are teleported to Equestria after a fight with Omi and his friends. Jack, using his evil genius, plots a magnificent and fool proof plan to take over the new land he finds himself in. Also Wuya is there.

  • ...

PreviousChapters Next
Chapter 11 - Xiaolin Showdown! Battle of the Jacks!

Jack shifts his eyes from the amulet to where the hoof's owner was.

It was an orange horse with a long blonde mane put up in a ponytail, she had a cowboy hat. "You best be thinking of givin' up now, unless you wanna lose that hand. ya hear?"

Jack was still surprised of her very presence "Where did you even come from? I didn't see any one of you nimrods behind me!"

The orange horse smirked at him "That's because I've been waiting in here, itchin for a fight with some varmint named Jack Spicer. Twilight was right in guessin you'd sneak in here, you really are a bonafide snake in the grass."

Jack smirked "You know it, horseface!" he took notice that this horse had no horn, nor did she have any wings. one on one, he was sure he could take her. "Let go of the amulet already! Or I'll turn you into glue!"

Applejack held the amulet down with her hoof, Jack couldn't get it out of her hoof like grip. "Just try it"

"grrr" There was only one other alternative he had, an alternative he has been familiar with a hundred times over "Thats it! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!"

the orange horse squinted at Jack "a Xia-loins what now?"

Jack facepalmed with his free hand "Are you kidding me? You've never heard of a Xiaolin showdown before? You horses really are dumb."

The orange horse huffed at him "I may not know what a Xooloin is, but a showdown? That's something a gal like me can bite her teeth into. I accept!"

"Ha! You really don't know what you're getting into here lady! hehe..The name of the game is Tarpit-fall! First to fall off the road loses! I wager my Monkey Staff against your......your....what Shen Gong Wu do you have anyway?" Jack was itching to get the showdown going. He had a world to rule and he didn't want to waste time.

"Shen Gong What?! Ya better start making sense before I knock some into ya!" The orange horse was getting confused, and was ready to just pound him right there, thinking he was just stalling for time at this point.

Jack just rubbed his chin, he was finally beginning to realize how clueless these horses really were. Still, he already made the challenge, and he wanted to go through with it since he felt he could get an easy win. "No Shen Gong Wu huh? Hold on, let me consult the rulebook.....that I totally DID steal!"

He actually didn't, he tried to steal it from Dojo at a point before. but Dojo bit his finger. Forcing him to later on buy his own copy...from somewhere...FROM LANDS UNKNOWN.

He quickly pulled it from his coat and sifted through the pages. As this was going on. The amulet itself started to glow. The orange horse at this point wanted no more of this. And tried taking the amulet from his grip. But it seemed some unnatural force was keeping it in place.

"Ahh here we go! If a showdown is called and one of the combatants lacks a Shen Gong Wu. Then the combatant with a Shen Gong Wu can force a showdown by forcible wager on the opponent. Taking any item in their possession of the Shen Gong Wu holder's choice upon winning the showdown" Jack closed the book and gave her an evil smile "I think I'll take your hat."

"My hat?! Listen here, the only wagering that's gonna be going on is guessin how many teeth I can knock right out of ya! What would a sorry sidewinder like you want with my hat anyway?" The orange horse growled at him, her nose actually letting out steam from both nostrils at the mere thought of Jack having her hat.

"Oh nothing, just tear it a million pieces in front of you and take a picture of your misery, thats all. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!" Jack laughed maliciously

"Why you low down dirty...GRAGH!" The orange horse tried to lift her hoof off the amulet to smash Jack in the face. But couldn't. "What's goin on here?! What did ya do?"

Jack just smirked at her while the Alicorn Amulet flew up, out of hand and hoof ,and span about. Disappearing as the walls and floor of the castle started to crumble.

the orange horse could move her hoof, but she was too busy looking around and trying to stay on guard as everything fell apart around her. The walls, the ceiling. It just started falling apart and vanishing in thin air as it made way to a bright sunny sky, and a vast meadow with two hills visible. A road appearing under her and Jack, it's width about seven feet and it's length seemingly endless. The road just stretched,both ways, making distance between her and Jack. And while Jack just stood his position staring at her, The orange horse was looking around at all sides "WHAT IN THE HAY DID YA DO?!"


The orange horse, revealed as Applejack. Looked to where the voice came from. Pinkie Pie was waving from one of the hills. Rarity was also there, having a freak out moment on what the heck just happened.

"PINKIE PIE, DID YA DO THIS?!" Applejack yelled, thinking Pinkie Pie's oblivious attitude may have had something to do with this.

Pinkie Pie shrugged "Dunno! I think I had a dream about this once, do you think we all just jumped inside my head? HEY! MAYBE WE CAN HAVE A PARTY?!"

Applejack planted her hoof to her face and sighed "Pinkie, I don't...I don't think we're in yer dream."

Meanwhile, Jack looked around, and noticed on a second hill. a surviving Jackbot. It looked a little banged up. "Oh hey! you survived...hey wait..." He looked at Pinkie and Rarity. "WHY AREN'T THEY BANGED UP AND BEGGING FOR MERCY!"

The Jackbot shrugged

"......you ran away didn't you?" Jack started rubbing his forehead.

The Jackbot slumped in shame

"... What is this crazy world coming too when you can't even BUILD good help these days. It really looks like I gotta do this myself"

Applejack turned his attention towards Jack "You musta did this! How in the hay are ya doin all this?!"

Jack just made insulting faces at her "Hur durrr, why am I so dummmbb. hey ya'll, look at me, I'm from the dumb ole texas. I can only count ta three and get up to my Bs in muh ABCs." Jack chortled "Why are you texans always so dumb? I bet you think quarterbacks are actual refunds, HAHAHAHAHA!"

Applejack's face turned red with fury, she didn't know what a texan was, but it had to be some sort of insult "That's IT! I HOPE YER READY TO FIND A NEW HIDE BECAUSE I'M GONNA TAN IT TO THE POINT YER OWN MOMMA WON'T RECOGNIZE YA!"

Applejack rushed at Jack, but immediately lost her footing as the road began to shake and rumble. The entire meadow started to collapse and sink into a gigantic endless tarpit. The only things left standing was the hills with the pony and robot bystanders, and the road, which shook violently and began to bend.

Applejack again had gotten a near fright when she nearly ran right off the now curved road and stood her ground, looking at around as the shaking began to slow.

Jack just stood there, he could see the inexperience in Applejack. At the same time he was thinking about how much of a wasted name that was. "hrmm..Applejack....that's a better name than Colby Jack. Maybe I can name Applegroom that. She already has apple in her name....It's a good thing these two aren't related. Oh boy, who knows what would happen then huh?! haha" Jack thought internally.

The moment the shaking stopped, Jack let out a mighty cry of "Gong Yi Tanpai!" and immediately rushed Applejack.

Applejack had gotten her balance from the unusual shaking of the unknown world she found herself in. But, the moment she turned to face Jack she was instead met with a fist right into her face.

Jack just let out karate grunts as he let her have it with another hook, comboing it into a upwards kick, launching Applejack high enough for him to lunge his foot into her stomach. Hard enough to send her flying forward. Spinning as she hit the ground and coming to rest on her stomach, facing Jack. Pinkie and Rarity were gasping while the Jackbot waved a little black flag with a white "J" on it

Jack went running up to her, ready to punt her off the side of the road into the tarpit "HYYYAHHHHHHH!"

Jack let's out the mightiest kick he ever could to knock Applejack into the pit. But suddenly, his foot was stopped.
"Hey! What gives?" Jack said in surprise

He looked down, his foot was blocked by Applejack's right foreleg, yet she still looked like she was downed. Then she started to speak "Ya know, when I first saw ya. I was wonderin' how anypony could have skin paler than a rabbit" Suddenly, she looked up at him while she shoved his foot away, making him step back "Now I know it's cuz ya hit like one!"

Suddenly Pinkie jumped with celebration "OH BOY! SOMEPONY GET A WATER HOSE, BECAUSE THAT WAS ONE SICK BURN!"

Rarity pushed Pinkie away, not only used to the setting by now, But getting excited at the comeback Applejack is about to make "GET HIM! MAKE HIM PAY FOR WHAT HE DID TO MY SPIKEYWIKEY! MAKE HIM BURN FOR WEARING SUCH A TACKY OUTFIT!"

Jack took another step back in surprise. Then gave Applejack a scowl "Great, the one person who can actually make a snappy comeback and it had to be a dumb horse! How did you block my attack anyway!? I had you down on the ground!"

Applejack spat to the side and then stood battle ready, staring directly into Jack's eyes "As I said, ya hit like a rabbit! or would ya'll prefer filly? Either one is fine by me, because I'm gonna turn ya into a puddle in a minute"

Jack stopped to think for a moment. "Filly?" he blinked "Filly....filly...hrn" He pulled out a dictionary from his coat to look up the word, then grew angry and tossed it away "A GIRL HORSE?! REALLY?! THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GOING DOWN! NOBODY CALLS ME A LITTLE GIRL AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!"

Jack rushed Applejack in a blind rage and started a flurry of punches and kicks with reckless abandon

Applejack merely had to tilt her head or jump to the side to dodge every single one. Given her strength and athletic abilities, someone like Jack was nothing to her.

"STOP DODGING..YOU..STUPID..HORSE..RAGH!" Jack roared as he lunged his fastest strongest punch at her, but it was too much. He went far forward enough with his missed hit for her not only to dodge it. But to get behind him and give him a quick buck to the back. Sending him to the ground

"Yeehaw!" Applejack cried out in victory

Jack rolled on the ground and got a face full of dirt, he quickly got up and ran back at her. Only to be easily tripped as he fell forward flat on his face

"Maybe ya'll should just name yerself Joke instead of Jack. Because if this keeps up I might just bust a gut laughin" Applejack snickered

Jack slowly got up, and spit the dirt out of his mouth. "blagh..ugh..nngh..." his face suddenly became red "I'M NOT GOING TO GET SHOWN UP BY A...OW MY FOOT!" As he was yelling, Applejack quickly rushed up to him and smashed his feet with both her forelegs.

"Oh sorry pardner" Applejack gave a sincere apology as she suddenly did a hoofstand, going straight up and bending backwards enough to catch Jack's face between her thighs. "I actually meant DO THIS!" Applejack managed to do a seemingly impossible hop with her forelegs and used her clenched thighs and momentum to fling Jack forward, sending him rolling enough to be near one of the edges of the road.

Rarity jumped in a hurrah "GOOD JOB DARLING! YOU DID IT!"

Pinkie waved her own little flag, with an apple on it "WOO! YOU WON APPLEJACK! WAY TO GO! VICTORY PARTY AT MY PLACE!"

Applejack started to walk up to Jack as she looked to her friends "Simmer down you two, I think I gotta toss him down into that there pit to win this thing. Should be easy enough."

Jack was just laying there, Applejack took the opportunity to finish the job. But the moment she reached her hoof out, Jack suddenly reached into his coat for one of his Shen Gong Wu. Grabbing the Monkey Staff, he called out it's name. Releasing a flash of light and making Applejack step back

"WHAT IN THE WORLD?!" Applejack had no idea what was going on

Jack had turned into a monkey, Rarity feeling nauseated at the sight of him "Oh no, he somehow got even worse.."


Pinkie quickly let out her own opinion "I sort of agree, he looks kind of cute now!"

Jack smirked "Finally...someone gets it! See, a true visionary!"


Jack still smiling "hey that sounds pr...wait" He suddenly gave her an angry look "I'M NOT A PET! GRRR! EEK EKK OOK!"

Rarity just gave him a smug smile "You're right, that would be putting you on my pet cat Opal's level. And you're nowhere near that level"


Rarity chuckled to herself "Well, even a lady can make a "sick burn" once in awhile"


"Quit yer yappin and come at me already!" Applejack gave him a confident, prideful smile.

"FINE! GET READY! BECAUSE HERE COMES JACK!" Jack screeched as he rushed Applejack with a flurry of punches and kicks.

He was definitely faster this time. Applejack was still dodging, but she was having a hard time finding an opening.

Jack tries jumping up in the air and attempts to drop kick Applejack

Applejack quickly dodges to the side, and readies to strike at Jack

The moment she goes to kick him, he does a short hop. Dodging her buck as he lands on his hand and performs a spin kick right into her body. Causing her to stagger backwards.

Jack jumped back to his feet and pounded his chest "OH YEAH! TAKE THAT! YOU AIN'T GOT NO GAME!"

Applejack just silently turned her head to the side to spit, and then lowered her hat. Her eyes fixated on Jack as she rushed him. She was sure she could hit him if she went aggressive, but he was suddenly able to dodge her in his new form

"HAHAHA! You ain't got nothing! Nothing! EEK! EEK!" Jack said in an arrogant tone

Applejack, feeling enraged, turns to buck him in the face. But he ducks it and punches her right in the gut, Making her groan and fall back. "ngh..That smarts"

"Oh careful now" Jack taunted "The word "smart" is a little too high a word for a country bumpkin like you to even comprehend. HAHAHA! YOU'RE GOING DOWN NOW!"

Jack went for a heavy lunge with his fist. But Applejack was ready this time. She swiftly dodges it and kicks Jack in the back. But it wasn't enough to make him fall. He simply spins in the air, catches his landing with his hands, and pushes himself back into Applejack's face with a flying kick. Sending her to the ground.

Applejack rolls to the ground and manages to bounce herself back to her hooves. But she was wounded. She wiped her face and gave Jack a cold silent stare. She wasn't about to lose to him. She couldn't.

"Can't you just accept that you've lost already? or do you just want me to pound you into apple jam? Actually, don't answer that. I like the second choice!" Jack snickered as he rushed her again.

Applejack just stood at the ready, staying focused. Jack's attacks were more rapid than ever. But Applejack managed to stand her ground. Dodging some hits as a few others managed to land. She couldn’t find an opening. And so just braced herself the best she could.

"Ok! This is getting boring! Time to finish you off!" Jack reeled up his fist, and went for one final super monkey punch. His fist landed square into Applejack's cheek. "BLAMMO!"

But something was wrong. Although his fist connected, his punch didn't phase her. Applejack's head only turned halfway from the hit. She then began to slowly look at Jack, his fist still at her cheek as it got pushed back as she turned.

Jack was astonished "What the...how are you...WHAT?!"

Applejack forced her head through Jack's force and threw his hand back. Causing him to tumble backwards. Before he could get his footing. Applejack went for a heavy buck to the face.

But Jack jumped to dodge it. Sadly, he wasn't able to jump quick enough. Making Applejack's target accidentally switch to.....his crotch.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Jack let out one of the girliest screeches he ever let out as everyone cringed. Applejack,Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and even the Jackbot.

"I...I wouldn't even wish that on Tirek.." Rarity said under her breath.

Jack couldn't say a word, he was dragging himself across the floor, holding on to his little jacks.

Applejack just smiled. She finally had the win. She walked up to him, and silently rolled him off the road with a swift kick.

Jack only screeched, unable to even grab onto the ledge as he fell.


Rarity smiled at the situation, happy Applejack won. "I must admit, that was rather exciting"

Applejack just flipped her hat up slightly and looked to the sky "Yeah, but fellas.we still kinda don't know where we are. How do we get back?"

Pinkie Pie started to look around and frowned "I dunno...we're kind of stuck on this hill."

Rarity looked down at the tar "....I..didn't even realize...I'd really rather not risk jumping to that road...should we just wait for Twilight to find us?"

Applejack just started to rub her chin with her hoof and sat down on the road "hmmmm, I'm tryin' to figure out if we're even in Equestria anymore. I thought I was supposed to win somethin' for beating that low down, no good Jack Spicer!"

"Man. You really sound like a guy I know" A voice said from behind

Pinkie Pie shrieked "APPLEJACK, LOOK OUT!"

Jack was slowly rising up from the side of the road. A cruel smile on his face as the blades of his helipack span to keep him airborne. He had the Monkey Staff in his hands like a baseball bat.

Applejack swung her head to look behind herself "whu..OMPH"

With a huge swing of the staff. Jack hits Applejack square in the face with a sucker hit she didn’t see coming.

The hit was hard enough to send Applejack flying to the side, sending her off the road and into the pit.

At that point. Jack was stunned as the area began to shift once more.

"I..I won? I won!?" Suddenly, before anyone could do anything. The castle suddenly reformed as Jack found himself back in the basement hidden room with a stunned, hatless Applejack. The Alicorn amulet and Applejack's hat in his hands. "I ACTUALLY DID IT! HOLY JACK ON A JACK JACK! I DID IT! HAHAHAHA!"

The showdown was over, Jack had actually managed to win.

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
PreviousChapters Next
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!