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What Do You Mean? Of Course I'm Qualified!2,305 words
Maybe It's an Issue of Confidence? A.K.A.: Don't be a Pu**y!1,233 words
Have You Ever Heard of Juice? [Pt. 1]2,271 words
HaVE yOu eVEr HeaRD oF JuiCE? [Pt. 2]2,964 words
Now, Just Take a Minute and Listen to How You Sound2,285 words

Now, Just Take a Minute and Listen to How You Sound

Author's Note:

I'm REALLY sorry, but I won't be writing a clop chapter in this story. I've never written clop before and didn't want to ruin the story with a shitty clop chapter.

I appologize for somewhat promising a clop chapter, but that will instead be written into its own fic, specifically for a clop "test" experience.

I understand if you don't like me, or the story anymore after this news, but I prefer to release things I'm proud of. Again, sorry and if you decided to stick around then enjoy the chapter!

~Muddy

Placing your hands onto the bed you began to move your way towards Vinyl, causing her to smile at you and open her mouth for more bedroom talking.

"His pupils aren't dilating, what's his heart-rate?" Vinyl said in a strangely masculine voice, making you stop your advances and question what that was.

"Celestia dammit! I'm not losing you, come back to me you creature!" She says in the same masculine voice again, now you were confused.

Standing you noticed the walls of the room began to pulse slightly, Vinyl still hadn't moved from her spot on the bed. She stared ahead in one spot, a blank smile on her face. You knew that there was some really weird shit going on now, and you didn't want it to go on anymore.

"What the fuck is going on?" You asked aloud, causing the room to melt like it was made out of wax, scaring the shit out of you.

"AHHHH!" You screamed ~~like a girl~~ in a very masculine tone, not like a girl at all.

You watched as the room melted around you, leaving you in complete darkness. You noticed a small light coming from above you, looking up you saw that it was beginning to get closer to you. You tried to move out of the way of the incoming light, but found yourself unable to move. You wriggled for your life as you tried to fight off whatever invisible force was holding you hostage, not escaping at all and allowing the light to come even closer. As it got within arm's length of you, you began to hear voices coming from it.

"Oh sweet Celestia please don't die big guy!" You heard the muffled voice of Rainbow Dash say, her voice choked in sobs.

"Come on Nonny, have to get up! Just like that song you sing!" The muffled voice of Pinkie Pie said, her voice also sounding melancholily. That wasn't good.

"Everypony step back, I'm going to attempt to resuscitate him!" The male voice Vinyl had been speaking in said, the white light pausing above you momentarily.

"One, two, three. CLEAR!" The masculine voice said before the light grew to a massive all-consuming size and washed over you, blinding you with the brilliance of its glow.

"Holy shit!" You let out with a deep gasp of cool air, taking in the breath with desperation.

Opening your eyes you find yourself on the club floor, surrounded by medical ponies as well as your two friends. Smiles and tears covered Rainbow and Pinkie's faces while the medical ponies breathed a sigh of relief and began to pack up their equipment. You move to stand up, but feel a pain in your back. Opting to not injure yourself anymore you choose to just sit up, bracing yourself with one arm and using the other to rub a hand over your face, finding it damp with sweat.

"W-what happened to me?" You ask, a medical pony stopping what he was doing to come over to you.

"You were administered a very powerful magic capsule, intended to elevate the mind. However, your body rejected the capsule half-way through effect and you went into a pseudo-coma. Luckily your friends here contacted us before your heart rate went any lower, you're lucky to be alive right now" the medical pony finished as your friends joined you at your sides.

"Don't mess with me like that Anon, you big stupid ape!" Rainbow scolded through tears, giving you a punch to the arm.

"I'm so glad that you're okay Nonny, I just don't know what I would have done if you died. Well obviously I would have baked a funeral cake, but then after that I don't know what I would have done. You're my friend Nonny, all my friends are super-duper important to me!" Pinkie exclaimed, wrapping you and Rainbow in a hug. Her arms stretching to encompass both of you at once, classic Pinkie.

"Thanks for calling the ambulance for me guys, I seriously owe you one. Tell you what, if you ever stop by my stand I'll give you guys a half-off discount!" You say, causing both of your saviors to give you a very annoyed look.

"I-I mean one totally free secession, the works and everything!" You correct, appeasing the girls and bringing the situation back to a slightly happier note.

"Well Mr. Anon, there's still the matter of expenses for your treatment" the medical pony said, pulling your focus away from the girls.

"Oh yeah, um. How deep am I in for doc?" You ask, already feeling a weight in your stomach forming at the cost of your treatment/resuscitation.

"Well due to the immediate response team, equipment cost and other factors, your total is 1,500 bits" the medical pony stated matter-of-factly, the weight inside your stomach dropped and ripped through all the good feels you had right now.

You didn't have that kind of money, let alone wanted to pay it even if you did. But these ponies did save your life, so you forced yourself to your feet and reached into your back pocket.

"Huh? Oh crap, I don't have my wallet on me. I must've left it in my car, I'll be right back" you explain, excusing yourself outside through the back door and then proceeded to run like hell away from the club, leaving a very confused group of ponies wondering what a ‘car’ is.

"HAHAHA You'll never get my money you fucking goblins!" You bellow into the cold night air, continuing to bolt for the train station. Saying a silent prayer that there will still be trains running this late.

Luckily for you there was one train left, however it was already leaving the station. Using your one year of high school track training, you sprinted for your leaving ride. Needing to gain more speed you threw your arms straight out behind you and Naruto ran for your life. You just barely got a hand onto the caboose and hauled yourself onto the moving train, watching as the station became smaller and smaller as you moved farther away from it.

“Now to just ride this baby back to the safety of ponyville” you remark, leaning against the caboose railing and taking a moment to catch your breath. Looking out on the distant shape of ponyville getting further and further away…

“WAIT- AW FUCK!” You yell out, realizing that you had boarded a train going the wrong way. Now you were headed further into Canterlot and away from the safety of your own apartment.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” An annoyed female voice asked, waking you from your nap. You had fallen asleep from the rocking of the train, allowing your eyes to close and rest after the sprint you had done to catch the train.

“Uh… a human?” You answer, hoping she was interested in your form and not the fact you were technically a stow-away on the train.

Taking a moment to look at the mare you took note of her soft pink coat and dark red mane, a small conductor’s cap sat atop her head, behind her horn. She had a smug smirk on her face, her hoof impatiently tapping at the floor.

“Well, a stow-away is a stow-away. No matter whatever it is, She remarked, turning and calling back into the inside of the car.

“Give the guards a heads-up, we caught a stow-away and it is ugly!” She ordered back, turning back around to you, an even more smug grin on her face now.

“He,” you corrected, startling and confusing the mare.

“HE is a human, and HE is not ugly!” you bark at her, rising to your feet and towering over the now terrified mare.

“W-well I’m sorry and- someponygetthisthingrestrained!” She screamed as she bolted back into the caboose, locking the door behind her with her magic.

Standing there proud of the way you upheld your human honor, you didn’t notice as a purple-armored bat pony shot a dart into your neck until it was already imbedded in you.

“Ow! What the fu…” you start to protest, but before you could finish your complaint you collapse onto the ground, out cold.

Waking up you find yourself in a dimly lit room, a thick curtain covering what you assume to be a window, allowing only a sliver of light to shine through.

~~“Man, this author sure likes to write about me waking up huh?” You asked yourself.~~

“Urgh, my head. What was that?” You groan as you slowly rise to your feet, immediately feeling the sensation of something watching you.

“H-hello?” You call out nervously, backing away towards the window.

“Greetings sir Anon, we must say that we hath a strong interest in thyself…” a smooth female voice said, her dark form crossing just out of view.

“Hold on a sec, Luna? Is that you?” You ask as you turn around and open the window, letting light spill in and blinding the princess of the night.

“A-Anon, close the blinds! It is most uncomfortable!” Luna scolds as she casts a wing over her face Phantom of the Opera style.

“Man if you wanted me this bad you could’ve just asked y’know” you say as you begin to undo your pants.

“A-Anon, we hath not brought you here for love making. We needed your expertise!” Luna squeaked out as her face reddened watching you disrobe.

“Oh… Right, I knew that. I just work better with no pants on!” You explain, taking a seat on her large bed, pantless.

“Take a seat princess, we can start whenever you’re ready” You say, using your usual professional voice and giving her a welcoming smile, that if not for the fact you were only in your boxers, would have been quite handsome.

“W-we thank thee Anon” Luna responded, trotting over to the bed and laying on it. Resting her head in your lap, allowing you to stroke her ethereal mane.

“So, what seems to be the problem?” You ask, using all your self control not to pop a chub and throat-punch the princess with your meat hammer.

“Well, as you know we hath just recently returned to Equestria and returned to our whole self as well” she begins, rubbing her hoof in small circles on the quilt.

“And although my sister is doing all that she can for our integration back into society, it feels as though we art disconnected from our ponies. They seem to distance themselves from us, silently mocking us” she finishes, looking up at you for your answer.

“Well, have you thought about the language barrier between you and your people- I mean ponies?” You ask, making sure to use the correct terminology with one of the two celestial pseudo-gods.

“What art thou referring to? We speak as a refined ruler should!” Luna exclaimed, rising off the bed and stand on the floor in front of you.

“H-hey, chill! I’m just saying that perhaps your ‘refined dialect’ isn’t connecting well with the ponies” you explain, putting your hands up in defence.

“Hmmm… Thoust may speak true, but what proof do you have?” Luna questioned, peering daggers at you. You offer her only a deadpan stare, unamused by her stupid question.

“You know how I know almost everypony, and almost everypony know me?” You ask, getting a slow nod from Luna.

“Well, it’s because I don’t ‘talkith like this, forsooth and qualm’” you mock, regretting your actions when Luna put one of her shoed hooves onto your chest and pushed you back onto the bed.

“THOU WILST WATCH THINE TONGUE WORM!” Luna bellowed out in the royal canterlot voice, blowing out your eardrums in the process.

“Jesus fuck! This is the shit I’m talking about Luna, this is why we can’t have nice things!” You scolded, probably louder than you needed to. But you were probably deaf, so fuck it.
“Excuse me princess, I heard you yell and I came to see…” A female bat pony said as she pushed open Luna’s doors, but trailed off when she saw you pantless, pinned beneath Luna’s hoof. A deep blush taking over her face she slowly closed the door and from the sound of it, galloped as far away as she could from the room, letting out a high-pitched ‘squee’.

“T-that was weird?” You ask, looking back at the now flustered Luna.

“Y-yes, most awkward” she agreed, stepping off of you and taking a seat next to you. You put an arm around her, her body tensing for a moment, but relaxed and leaned into your form.

“Well, just take what I said and think about it. Try to relate to your people on a more casual level, try talking like them a bit. Maybe it’ll work, who knows?” You explain, standing and giving her a little bow goodbye, heading for the door. Opening it and starting to leave when you’re stopped by Luna’s touch on your back, tuning you see the princess smiling at you.

“Thank you Anon, we- I will try to do what you said” Luna says, surprised when you embrace her in a hug.

“It was my pleasure” you whisper, placing a small receipt onto the floor. Standing back up you give her one final smile before leaving.

You walk down the many winding hallways of Canterlot castle, making your way towards the exit when you hear a booming voice echoing from Luna’s room.

“1500 BITS! ANON!”

You sprint the rest of the way through the castle, exiting the castle and continuing your break-neck speed all the way to the train station. Not resting until you had boarded a train actually heading for Ponyville.

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Doctor REDACTED

Doctor REDACTED #1 · Oct 17th, 2017 · 3 · ·

The BEST shit

Punished Venom Muddy

Punished Venom Muddy #2 · Oct 17th, 2017 · · ·

8493752
Thanks, it took me waaaaay longer than I wanted to finish it. Glad you enjoyed it!

mercenary553

mercenary553 #3 · Oct 17th, 2017 · 2 · ·

Such a great chapter! Keep up the good work.

Zeraligator

Zeraligator #4 · Oct 18th, 2017 · 2 · ·

"You were administered a very powerful magic capsule, intended to elevate the mind. However, your body rejected the capsule half-way through effect and you went into a pseudo-coma. Luckily your friends here contacted us before your heart rate went any lower, you're lucky to be alive right now" the medical pony finished as your friends joined you at your sides.

How does going in toa pseudo coma get you're heartrate dangerously low. Also resuscitation help against possible heart failure if the heart is still beating. And another thing

"One, two, three. CLEAR!" The masculine voice said before the light grew to a massive all-consuming size and washed over you, blinding you with the brilliance of its glow.

You probably meant defibrillation which is used to get the heart to start beating by stimulating it through an electric pulse, if done on a normal or even a slow heart it can cause irregular patterns in the heartbeat.
Good story though.

Punished Venom Muddy