- Member Since 5th Sep, 2014
- offline last seen Sep 25th, 2022
RoyalBardofCanterlot
Celestia and Luna's royal bard. Nature is my God, Art is my religion, Love is the Law. Concordia Invictus
RoyalBardofCanterlot
Joined 5th Sep, 2014 ·
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Shipping 💖11,670 stories ·9,742 members
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Spankfics516 stories ·336 members
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Very nicely done
yum
very nice!
This is a small touch I like to see in these stories. They're horses, they can smell that stuff.
Nah, you did fine
Story is fine but them typos man!
I think the most important argument comes from the fact that this means shutting down all private schools or at least put the majority of them out of business. Even if you legally still allow them there is no way they can compete with public schools so most of them will disappear. Not only that it will also lead to dozens of teachers having to be moved from private schools to public schools. As that can't be done instantly it means hiring equestrian teachers which always is a touchy subject for the crystal ponies. Not to mention public education also implies compulsory education which some can see as a breach of their liberties.
Finally historically most of the resistance against compulsory education is actually not from nobles or even from public schools that are threatened by it. It is from the poor peasants for who it is actually meant to benefit. Most of them are already working hard and feel they can't afford to have their foals be absent for large portions of the day with something that brings in no immediate money.
I do find it quite believable that the implication of a public education system would be a long and complicated process for Cadance.
Hi RoyalBardofCanterlot, don't worry too much about how well you performed. Writing your first clop fic is like having sex for the first time, it might be awkward and clumsy at first but practice makes perfect. I hope you don't mind a bit of constructive criticism.
"Shining thrust inside of her and finally released his load"
From the way you lead to this part I get the impression that Shining, worked up from the blowjob, basically thrusted once into Cadance and immediately ejaculated. That's perfectly fine, but it makes it difficult to believe Cadance would also orgasm from that one stroke.
The part "I kind of like giving blowjobs." doesn't make sense with the previous part where you wrote she hated giving blowjobs. It needs some kind of transition, she could say "I kind of like giving blowjobs now that I've finally tried it on you."
8344765
Thanks. I tweaked the scenes a bit.
8344551
Which typos?
8345098
"Shining thrust inside of her and finally released his load."
Now that the changes up to this make it clear he's been thrusting in her, it's not necessary to repeat that so I would make this sentence a bit more dramatic. Something like "Shining hilted deep inside of her and finally released his load."
like giving blowjobs now that I've tried it.."
You have one period too many.
Its not bad...but why is Clover and Nightmare Rarity added in the tags if they weren't involved? This seem more like a Shining and Cadence story...why include Clover the Clever and Nightmare Rarity tags?
8345230
Whoops.
I don't what just happened, but it seemed like the rest of the clopfic flew outta my head.
There
How flurryheart was conceived, yes?
8436353
Sure.
For a first het clopfic, this was really well-done. I liked their dynamic, and the sex itself was engaging yet tasteful. Nice work!
Not bad but a little too rushed at places. Like when they go to the spanking room, Cadance hasn't yet told Shining she was naughty. She doesn't need to go into detail about it but I would think she would need to mention it before she get's punished.
Also that time-out barely seemed to last at all.
8514449
Yeah, now that you mention it, I was a little eager to get to the spanking scene.
8514455
Maybe leave Cadance very frustrated and agitated as she stands there.
8514457
I did some editing if you want to read it.
That's a little weird since Cadance had pretty much admitted it already. She had agreed to be punished.
This was great. I like how the story started from a normal place then slowly turned more and more sexual. Well done.
She would likely already be thinking sexy thoughts since she was so bored. Her mind would wander and drift. I think she would be struggling with suppressing those urges from the beginning of the debate and seeing her guards pose would be the last stroke. It would help make it more believable that she can't contain it and it would also make her punishment later on more justified.
8859659
She wasn't bored, she was frustrated. I needed something to get her mind from "public education" to "why won't he shut up" to "architecture" to "thinking sexy thoughts."
Also, she wasn't really being punished. She was grasping at straws to give Shining an excuse to spank her.
8859932
I know that but it still came somewhat out of nowhere. Also she did seem bored when those extreme right leaning and extreme left leaning characters got on their rants. I would think she would have heard it all before and that would cause her mind to wander. It would make things a little more smooth.
Good point. You could make it that Shining goes like "Well I can hardly blame you for falling asleep with those two." and that she has to insist that it was wrong and she should be punished for it.
8860009
...Huh. Wish I'd thought of that last one. A character begging for a spanking could be fun.
8860016
Indeed but Cadance would have to have some sort of justification she can bring up. I think having her attention drift during an important meeting would be a good excuse. It also makes more sense than having her thoughts suddenly shift to sex.
(You could try to change it still)
Why doesn't she want the paddle?
Add "finally" to the beginning of the sentence to indicate it was a time skip.