This is the story of my oc aquamarine and his life as he tries to come to terms of his life as he tries to find who he is the tragic tag is more for the prologue the au tag is because in my story ponies have to be taught how to fly and use magic unlike what is shown by flurry heart pumpkin and pound cake also the timberwolfs that take him in feed like plants with photosynthesis temp hiatus until i have a few chapters done ps i did not realize until last night I was inspired by the jungle book
Chapters (4)
IT is my first story ever
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As a fair warning: Prepare for the downvotes.
The story is an absolute mess with grammar, sentence, and phrasing errors out the wazoo. Please, find and editor who has experience and knows what they are doing. Learn from them, grow, and be open minded because they sometimes can be harsh, but all they are trying to do is help you.
Good Luck buddy!
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thx for the warning
She's right but I have to say nice start ;)
8328413
Thx
I know the feeling of having numerous spelling mistakes and I got a really good editor and spell checker. Find yourself in editor and spell checker and you'll be good to go cuz this is a good premise
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thx
this got approved on my last chance
Good god. What is this!?
Wait.
Oh, ok, that explains it.
Look, first of all I'm really glad your writing. In fact, welcome!
However, I have many issues with this story. You seem lazy when you write rnm (the return of nightmare moon.) I mean, really? Why would you do this?
And the Timberwolf KNOWS it has to raise this creature? No no. Look, I'm as much a fan as the next person when it comes to Timberwolves, but this is ridiculous. It seems like you are copying off the jungle book. Wolves eat ponies. Sorry. Can't be changed.
And then everyone accepts him and he behaves like a perfect gentleman after being raised by wolves? C'mon.
Overall, there are many issues with this story. PM me and I will happily help you!
One final note. Don't make your oc an alicorn. Please.
This was a pretty awesome story. Brian seems like a well-thought out, hard-hitting character that will have a large impact on the story as a whole. I'm anxious to see how your Aquamarine turns out, because it seems as if you'll be giving him a lot of character development moving forward. All in all, this story seems to be heading in a fantastic direction and I can't wait to read more.
Loljk it was not good at all, go get an editor and come back with an idea that isn't terrible.
I did upvote it though.
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It was one pony
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I know, but if there is something I have a good nose for, it's sniffing out Gary Stus. Now don't worry, I really want to help! Can you pm me with all the basic info of your oc?
(PS, my first oc was also an alicorn. But I worked on it.)
8328493
most of the info is in there
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In the story?
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ya the start and the pic
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/8jzn-1500930690-380460-medium
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But I need to know his personality. Where did he come from. Why is he an alicorn. Is this normal. What happened with his parents. Things like that.
even if he is a bat pony hybrid, odds are those wings should be malformed and vestigial
genetics would dictate that being an alicorn is the most recessive trait of all recessive traits. now, if we look at this in a punnett square, we would probably say that batponies having wings is a dominant. however, since the mother likely has a horn, we would have Ww, which means that he would have wings but they likely wouldn't be very big or even usable. especially since this is an interracial relationship.
now let's go for another thing. magically, this pony would probably be weak, as the batpony wouldn't have a horn to add the matching dominant allele to the mother's dominant allele, or recessive, or what have you. odds are, this child would have very weak magic, and would have vestigial wings incapable of flight. then again, i'm not a horse scientist with a degree.
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backstory is nice and all, but the SCIENCE! matters a bit more to me.
Oh, goodness no. This story is nearly impossible to read. As someone has already suggested, you should get an editor. In fact, from what I've gathered, it's imperative if you want to keep writing stories on here. You can only improve and learn from your mistakes, as well as from others on this site. As this is your first story, as it is with almost everyone, it isn't the best, to put it lightly. I wish you could luck in making future writings even better, though. Keep working on it, search for assistance in groups, and check your work. (FYI; OC stories hardly ever go over well. Like this one, they tend to be over-done, cliche, and dull. It is in your bet interest to steer clear of that type of story, unless you're able to create interesting and in-depth characters with an important story to be told.) Anyway, good luck! <3
~Harmony
More like the journey ends.
I laughed at the names. Fucking Brian and Clair. Fucking Brian!?
Oh goody joy, another one of these!
You forgot the self-insert tag.
Um... grammar? You should definitely get an editor, but the story itself has a decent premise. *cough cough icouldeditforyou cough cough*
-S
Read the story the pups name are good but the parents are very unoriginal . And the charter in this story seem to agree to everything to easily . Like peppermint she like sure I'll go out my way to teach this kid and stuff. And how does the timberwolf know how to read things . Also of course editing. There's a group I forgot what it was called something editing. U out ur story there and someone edits it for you out of kindness
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they know how to read because they were taught by the one who brought aqua into the forest before the story began they were friends for years before the story started
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thank you all for the info and positive comments
>Alicorn bat-pony OC.
We're hitting new highs, folks.
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Thx
8445173
so did you find it good or not plz let me know
8329845
Hey, at least the OC isn’t some metal-loving edgy teenager right?
8445821
Yup.
A bit of a update to the author note
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...what happened again?
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a contest for a oc spot if you find the secret message you win
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The message is...
*DEEP GASP*
Misty! XD
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no but keep looking
The message is said by peppermint that is all i will say
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Okie dokie loku!
Hi i have lost my info so this is the new account
Bluebronie012801
It is nice to have the story back
8445824
no try again
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hhgregg
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The message is said by peppermint that is all i will say
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I have chosen to cancel the oc competition because I would not know how to write for the oc, but i will reveal the message "All of you can stay and give Aqua support or you can go along with what you were doing." said Peppermint.
8445821
I just found the story i had never read it
Alicorn of Music: Reliving the Childhood
So.. . he is like Back-Bacon