- Member Since 26th Dec, 2014
- offline last seen 11 hours ago
The Great Reader
One who loves a good story.
The Great Reader
Joined 26th Dec, 2014 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Zedfire · 8.7k words · 34 3 · 2.3k views
- Midknight_Rose001 · 1k words · 20 4 · 299 views
- The Quidam · 12k words · 27 3 · 1.6k views
- Mystic Storm · 7.6k words · 54 30 · 944 views
- Randablitz · 65k words · 119 52 · 3.6k views
- Phosys · 11k words · 59 13 · 1.7k views
- Nova_Eclipse · 32k words · 57 10 · 1.5k views
- Chemtest · 26k words · 77 5 · 2.3k views
Featured In1
Stats
Page generated in 0.04 seconds
Total duration
840 users online
1,733,059 hits today, 2,707,512 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
You sir, have grabbed my attention! What is he, a Zerg infested Terran Marine?
hmmmm i think hes a infested ghost or a mix of infested terran marine
and ghost
8281303
Sounds Like it, I am enjoying this story already! (Even though during me typing this, I haven't read it yet)
I don't see a lot of Star Craft stories here so this story gets an instant like and fav from me. I know this will be good. :D
This has my follow
I. 'too' is better/correct here.
II. 'onto' is, possibly, missing here. Though, I suppose you could've been referring to how the rain is actually running down their mail. Nevermind.
III. 'found' is another case of "what are you going for?". This jumped out as a possible typo that was supposed to say founded.
IV. 'boy' is almost certainly supposed to be 'body', unless author is implying that the council live like clerics of a Dark Ages calif?
V. *steel
VI. *piqued
All the errors that jumped out at me, unless you count commas, which I do not. I mean, there's official ways to use them, but really they're just for wherever the reader is supposed to pause that a sentence hasn't ended.
Going to be keeping an eye on this story; here's hoping that Amicus has the opportunity to be an agent all his own at some point.
8281479 That’s the way it reads
8281640 I’ll keep quite, You do a better spell check than I do
I’m in
8281749
...
wat?
You're in what?
You need to keep the Butterfly equipped to keep her, I've heard.
8281640
VII, I suppose. The 'not' really confuses things here.
If this doesn't annoy the Hell outta you, then I suppose that I can keep doing this.
8281479
I'll tell you you're right about him being an infested Terran. However what he was before becoming infested and what lead to his infestation will be shown throughout the next few chapters. He's more than what he appears to be for now.
8282807
I don't mind one bit, always hard to edit your own writing and I don't exactly have editors for myself. It's greatly appreciated if you catch errors on my end.
Alright, at first I was planning to only point out that having the phrase 'of sorts' repeat twice in such quick succession, while not incorrect per se, is clunky and jumps out at you a bit. I was going to do that, but then I noticed that this is all one sentence. Up to you if you wanna keep it that way (obviously), just figured I'd point that out.
Yay another zerg story we don't have enough of those
8283454
One of a few edits people have pointed out to me, I plan on taking care of them before I release a third chapter. Regardless thanks for any possible edits!
This is getting interesting....
But now we get to see what he's capable of, and I get the feeling he's gonna do a ton of damage...
I love StarCraft, so to see this chapter has just made me giddy for the next. I am really looking forward to the next chapter. I hope we get to see some Zerg kicking ass. As always The Swarm will prevail.
8342204
No problem, I'll be sure to point out any as I see them.
Speaking of which:
-, it was as if it had a voice of its own,
-Not really a grammar error, per se. This makes it seem as though it is 'everyone' walking towards the pile of demon corpses.
-Sentences that begin with 'but' are not sentences. Honestly, you could just drop the word 'but' and it should be fine.
-In my, admittedly subjective, opinion, the word 'seemingly' is completely superfluous here.
-Something is missing at the point where it says "from the ranged"; it's most likely to be a word.
-the first comma in this sentence should either be a semicolon or a full stop. Also, 'surround' should be 'surrounding' or 'that surround'.
-meat? Ha, a Freudian slip if I ever saw one!
le sigh!?
Excuse me, I need go figure out how to summon FLYCLOPS so that he can banish this zombie meme back to wherever you found it. It's for the greater good, I assure you.
Holy... That's a new one.
I have notice that you have a tendency to use large sentences that could be broken up into individual parts. For example when you start talking about the army you should start a new paragraph when you introduce a new soldier type.
also when you use two negatives you cancel them both out. If you look at what i highlighted i think you ment to say "the creature spoke without using its mouth". But with the two negatives, in this case not and without, they cancel each other and the sentence reads " the creature spoke using its mouth".
but other than that you have my attention with this.
And full of sharp teeth.
MORE BEFORE I FORCE YOU TO LISTEN TO JUSTIN BIEBER AND NICKLE BACK AT THE SAME TIME!!!!
Oh neat, someone else is writing Body Horror Displaced. I should read this and you should read Displaced Into Nothing.
....then we should Crossover. :V
Zerg versus Demons, lead by an infested marine... And it's well written so far!
Not only am I itching to read more, but because it's Displaced, I'm wondering if you're interested in doing some serious crossovers with other Horror Displaced writers...
You keep using 'meat' where you mean to use 'meet'. Meat is as in an organic substance.
Another error: 'breath' is the noun. 'breathe' is the verb you intended to use after he experienced his first 'grasp of death'.;)
Overall, good Displaced story so far. Well done.
More?
Why do I get the feeling that the person looks like a Chaos Space Marine being gifted powers by Nurgle?
(I haven't read the story yet, but the thumbnail really reminds me of that)
9234505
More like an infested humans unit from StarCraft
Btw is this dead?
9481138
Yes and no, I’m just rather busy and life seems to not be slowing down for me soon. I have many chapters for all my stories outlined. Mainly require the time to work on writing them finally.
9481260
Oh ok, and I understand this, I am starting to look for work