- Member Since 28th May, 2014
- offline last seen Aug 17th, 2016
Mystic Storm
Hello Everypony I am just your normal average writer. i may not be good at it but i still write for the inspiration in my heart and for the people who like what i like. Thanks to all of you by the way
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The story is not perfect but hey keep trying if you need help try the writer's group for any advise or ideas
This story isn't terrible, but it needs some fixing up. This has some potential, but the execution it just awful.
You should probably get a proofreader/editor.
Yeah I know it's bad but it's a start
5280714
Yeah it's still a bad story, but it isn't awful like what Patient X says.
Plus all your comments can help make my stories better
This is a great story, continue what you're doing! Also maybe try slowing things down, kinda like when they did the spell it seemed like "she did the spell check for any memories he had no memories" that is what is kinda felt like i was reading.
I like to see more chapter for this because not only do I want too know who he is and how he got there, I want to know what was not mysterious voice. keep up the good work no matter what the other said about this story.
Dude when your character is Gary Stu, the story loses all likeability. So....
All right, real talk here: How many sins can we spot in the long description alone?
This story prompt is just awful. It's basically setting up dominoes to fall with no question about what they are. They're going to be his memories, and they're going to predictably fall in a way that reveals he's a dark, brooding, edgy, incredible guy with a checkered past and who has to forsake his past in order to live in the present, or something like that.
If there weren't, this wouldn't be a story. This sentence is completely unnecessary.
First, you don't start a sentence with a preposition. Second, we already figured out in the first sentence that he's a great man because he wouldn't be worth remembering otherwise.
Yessir, I'm happy to provide feedback.
You mean medieval?
Implying there's underage romance in this.
I don't think I'd survive reading the story itself.
I can see a lot of people dislike the story so I will try my best to make this better by improving on what you guys have told me about, and I will also try adding in the tips you guys have Givin me. Notice the word try.
Hey Mystic don't let others put u down and just keep writing and work on your story.
Ponies don't wear clothes
No comments? Wow. Not even hateful ones, weird. Anyways I kinda like the premise of this story. You just need to work on your grammar and sentence structure. Other words find an editor. Nice spongebob reference though.
Oh and don't make him overpowered, people hate that. I'm not saying he is right now, but whatever that great sword does. Keep it to a minimum.
5283225 thanks i'll make sure to keep that in mind.
Oh another Sue. Hooray.
5283468 I'm not trying to make this a sue story though it may sound like it, this is a story in progress so the character isn't suppose to be some overly powered person. I'll try my best to explain it better in the next chapter.
i'd be willing to edit this for you, at least grammar wise anyway.
message me if you're interested
I realy like the way you writte and tell us the story. I realy
this story :3
This most definately has potential.
Quick question. How is a shield shaped like a side ways battle axe? A battle axe is typically a two headed axe with a two foot long haft, or handle, that is usually circular except for the grip. The axe head rotates with the grip to allow it to swing from just about every angle the weilder can move the axe. Besides, a shield like that would be a poor piece of work. A kite shield or a simple targe shield would be a better choice than a shield with barely any protected space behind it. Also, he has no memories but knows he isn't on earth already?
Over all though, this seems like an interesting story.
How does he know she is a pegasus? There were stories of angels and demons arriving in front of chosen knights or kings offering aid in one form or another during the era you have set the story, at least from the protagonists side. Oh wait, he has no memories. Prior knowledge is okay if he remembers the show or mythology, but as he doesn't remember any thing... You can kind of see my problem with it. Also, what separates him from the ponies? What is so obvious about the difference between the two species that would make him realize he wasn't a pony, but some other type of creature, never mind being specifically a human? Also, Fluttershy should have been able to guess what he was based on her studies of various animals and her care of mythical creatures. After all, talking to them will only get you so far in caring for them. Still interested in what you do with this story, and kind of wishing you could write out more details. Ask your self if it is obvious what is happening, why it is happening, and how it is happening. Getting better in this chapter though.
5304986 Thanks for the help.
5304996 Glad to help how ever I can. Should be quite an interesting story as things go.
5305002 i'll try my best
NOOOO cliff hangers. cliff hanger do this to me
i like it but the first chap is a little dry
keep on writing