Octavia is a successful Cellist and popular Classical musician. However, there is a little fact she generally hides from everypony: which is her extreme paranoia. One day after a particularly successful concert, Octavia swears she is being followed home... What could this mean? Who, or what, could this be?
Or is she just being too paranoid?
****************** My Second Fic ********************
Tell me if you like the idea of it. If you don't, send a quick message about how and why. Thanks for the feedback!
Chapters (5)
Hey everyone, I just got a free premium minecraft account from freeaccountsforminecraft.blogspot.com! You can also get one mate! I tested it and it works, time to play minecraft for free, yay!
Looks promising, I'll add it to my read later list.
Paranoia will do that to you. (Celestia knows it's done that to me more than once.)
I like this so far, well done good sir.
Paranoid - Black Sabbath
Your first paragraph stated "It had been perfect from head to toe" saying to me that she is human, but the very next one calls them hooves. Just thought i'd point that out. Other then that I think you have a good story.
Hmm... I can relate to Octavia in this story! This is going to be fun.
Not bad. I've had that feeling of being followed also, many times. There are some places where you could use better words, though. For example, "the Lyre was a pretty-sounding instrument." stuck out like a sore thumb. It would have sounded better to say it sounded elegant or beautiful, but "pretty-sounding" just seems awkward.
Keep it up, though! I look forward to more updates!
Octavia has a groupie. Yay groupies!
Woah! I wasn't expecting 22 notifications..? Umm, thank you everyone!
I like this. Like most of the commenters, I can relate.
even a paranoid has enemies
inb4 featured
You should give yourself more credit. This is actually very well written, and I'm curious as to what else you can bring to the table.
That being said, I can't imagine that Octavia actually likes that window. (I mean, it fits your Octavia's personality... but not the Octavia that is canon for me... the crabby Octavia)
That's a stupid thought, I know. Keep on writing, and I apologize for the delay in the read.
944195 You're really inspirational you know.
I will dfeinitely have the next chapter up tomorrow. Also, thanks for the compliment! 
I'll have to mention you in my Author's Notes for re-motivating me.
969497 Really? I'm inspirational?
Cool... I wasn't really expecting that... but thank you! Did I play that important of a role here?
You don't have to mention me, haha. I just like to state my mind! In any sense, glad I could help you out some. I feel better inside.
Sounds interesting...
Gah! I want to buy you a computer now! Terrible stuff there.
And gee, I'm flattered. I'm very happy I could help... in whatever way I did. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me (if your computer works
)
But ergh, have some serious confidence in yourself! Read some of the other fics in the fandom, there are some atrocities out there, and eighteen thumbs in the right direction is definitely no fluke here. I'm not one to really tell what you want to improve on, but even read mine. This is better than my stories.
Keep on writing when you can, you!
OMG there is a mare slumped out in the street in a near state of uncontiousness and nopony is going to see if she is alright what the buck is wrong with these ponies.
There is much about this story that hasn't been explained but that is a good thing because it keeps me reading and waiting for more. Hope to see more but please take your time
1001702 Thanks, I'm writing tonight
1001869 Well, I meant for the passing ponies to be more stuck up Canterlot ponies...
1004434 Thank you! I will continue tonight.
Hey, a fic about the favorite mental problem I have!
Oh well, catch 22 basically says if you think your crazy then your actually sane.
Regardless, on my read later list for when i find time in the space between the writing of my own Octavia story.
This is written quite beautifully. I look forward to the ending, whatever chaos or non-chaos will ensue.
Huzzah.
1091856
Well, I've got my ending planned. Writing shall commence soon, this weekend is likely. Thanks for the compliment!
****SPOILERS AHEAD! DO NOT READ*****good ending. if i have any criticism, it would be you could have drawn out brightshines explanation on why she was doing what she was doing longer. make her seem a little more crazy. descriptions of maybe some twitching, voice cracks, or just longer statements of "why", if that makes sense
No shipping? Awww...
1119441 Sure, I'll add that in. Thanks for the criticism! Besides, this is only really a prototype ending. I need to correct all faults of grammar and spelling soon, as well as add to sections I didn't beef up enough.
1119804 Sequels exist for a reason you know.
Sweet update!
Sounds like the beginning of a beautiful romance...
gibbs rule number 40 if its seems like some one is out to get you they probably are
If you do end up doing any VinylxOctavia shipping, I'd like to know, 'cuz I have a follower who would be very interested
Needless to say, I did not expect that ending. At least not in that way.
Finally, Octavia should have just screamed "RAPE", because that's how the entire scene played out to me
applause :)
1951055 Thank you!
Not bad, you evoke the horror atmosphere well, and I'm certainly going to keep reading. Three things jumped out at me and made it harder to immerse myself in the story though:
1. You need to do a proofread for grammar but one thing that you could quickly and easily fix is that you don't need to capitalize the names of instruments: Lyre and Cello are both capitalized throughout and shouldn't be.
2. Why all the modern technology: plastic, TV, central heating? I really enjoy the level of detail, but these details are the type of details I'd expect in a modern urban horror story, rather than a Pony horror story. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I think it could use some more explaination as to why the world is like this rather than the Equestria of the show. Alternatively, having her light a fire in the fireplace and get a splinter from the wood bench and hunker down into an overstuffed chair to read some gothic romance novel could provide just as much atmosphere without deviating from the world of the show. Either fix could work, just my two bits.
3. Your level of description is good, but some of the descriptive passages are repetitive. I particularly noticed this when Octavia was lying in bed trying to go to sleep. Some of her thoughts, and some of the ways you describe her thoughts, repeat things you said a paragraph or two before. One thing that can be helpful is to take out the individual mini-scene, describe it in way too much detail
(like write an entire single-space page about her lying in bed) and then cut that down, taking out all extra words, repeated phrases or descriptions and combining sentences together. If you do something like that you need to be merciless at killing off your darling words you slaved over, and that can be painful, but if describing a scene is giving you trouble I find that a good way to get some interesting detail. When you find yourself stretching for more things to say to get to a page, you come up with some weird stuff, some of it stupid some of it brilliant. Then you just have to condense it back down into the good stuff again.
Okay, so my point three turned into a bit of a lecture, sorry about that
but I guess the point is that the descriptions could be more varied or at least less repetitive. I understand from your comment that you added more detail, and that is good and I can definitely tell this is more detailed than a first draft. But counterintuitively, it might be worth removing some detail now. Not any fact in particular, just some of the things that repeat themselves, you could bring them up just once. Obviously I'm not talking about the sounds or anything like that, those are there for repetitive creep-factor!
Good first chapter!
Oh, and the reason I wrote such a long response to an ancient first chapter of something with a sequel is that first chapters make the first impression and are important for hooking people in, so when I was reading this, I was thinking I should just mention all the thoughts that I had as I was going along. I haven't read any of the subsequent chapters yet, although I intend to, but I probably won't bother to write this much again. First chapters to underviewed stories just turn me into an overachiever I suppose.
2126713 Woah, thanks for the in-depth review. This is an old story with many flaws I can see with my naked eye. However, my lost inspiration means that no editing will be done in an attempt to fix them. Sorry, but I'm done with writing and I'm done with FIMFiction.
2127274
Sorry to hear you're done with the site. I hope you get your inspiration back one day. Writing can be a lot of fun, but if it starts to feel like a job, I can see why it would burn you out. Hope you feel better.
......i do like the concept but i feel the execution failed. never got a sense that she was ever actually afraid of anything. it should have lingered on her fear. also who just states they stalked someone? that kind of dialogue is stilted