Ever since the Brightshine incident, Vinyl Scratch and Octavia had become friends. This bond was inevitably going to grow, but how far?
Will either of them be able to confess their feelings?
The long-awaited sequel to my story Paranoia. I hope you stick around to see what happens and as always, constructive criticism is warmly welcomed.
All credit for the picture goes to Scopetime42. His DeviantArt is located here. I was very stubborn with what I wanted and fussy with what I liked, so I appreciate his co-operation and the effort he put in. Thanks a bunch.
-FluttershyAllTheWay
Chapters (3)
I haunt read paranoia yet :3
nig
This was surprisingly and unexpectedly moving. Good job
Okay. You said this is picking up where the other left off, so Vinyl drivin Octavia home after the cops got there. Here are a few things:
1) at the beginning, its writen as though they where going to Ocatvias house but they go to Viynls. Also, it was never said that they were going to live together.
2) they have only known each other for one week but you kept putting a few weeks and what not. Plus, they were already friends before the hug.
3) at some parts, it seemed as though this took place a while after the other story ended, not the same trip.
Sorry about all that. I have spent a half an hour to make sure all that didn't happen and I just forgot (its a bit harder to do on. A touchphone). All in all its good, just a few things that didn't seem to transfer correctly. Or I just misread it pretty bad. O vell. Can't wait for more.
1925595 I appreciate your concerns. I didn't re-read anything in the original story other than the ending. Thanks for the heads up.
I hate to argue back, but I do have replies to some of your concerns that should dismiss them.
1. Thanks for pointing that out, I'll make sure it seems like it's Vinyl's in a quick edit. Also, about them living together, I wasn't making them live together. They've merely gone to Vinyl's house after a day out together. They aren't living together.
2. That is perhaps correct. I did not read much of the original story before I wrote this and I couldn't remember the exact time they'd known each other I guessed it was a few weeks. As for the bit about the hug not being the start of their friendship, that was intentionally cryptic. You're correct, they were friends before that, but to me the hug was something more. It was the beginning of a closer relationship, more like best friends. That was my intention, anyway. Sorry if I didn't make that very obvious.
3. Hmm. I am sorry to point out you being incorrect, but I have to. They are not on the way home from the cops in the end of Paranoia, they are in fact on the way home a few days later from a day out together. This is why events may seem a bit more distant from the original etc.
Sorry to be harsh or for any misunderstandings. I do appreciate you pointing these out to me and I will edit a few things so the story is a clearer sequel, starting from the end of Paranoia. I'm glad you can't wait for more; I can't wait to write more!
No prob. I don't think your arguing back, just correcting me where I'm wrong (or miswrote something).
1) I knew they weren't living together but the way that bit was written might make someone who didn't refresh on Paranoia or even read think they might. Or not.
2) I figured that's what you meant. Don't really know why I put that bit in there.
3) You should really go change how that last section is written. At first it seems as though it might be a few days later but the dialogue is something that what be talked about right after. I read it as though it was after the cops got there and got statements and what not. Also, how some of this happened it seems the same day too. It was just some parts seemed on way and others the other.
I'm glad to help. And none of that came out harsh or dickish if you were afraid of that.
1926212 Okay, thank you for accepting me. I will definitely look into what you say. I will tend to everything and tidy it all up so that everything is less confusing and easier to follow. Thank you for the things you point out and I will do some touch-ups when I write the next chapter. (Soon)
(Joke) Alt. Title: Parannoying: A Growing Bomb
Definitely no complaints for me, yet another great chapter.
1949990 Thanks
Good chapter. Great descriptios. Can't wait for more.
1950048 Thank you very much!
I can't wait to write more.
Continue onward in your story making process my good author.
1950166 I shall do, don't worry. Thank you!
ALLONS-Y
1950437 "Let's go" with what?
1950471 more chapters of course
1950515 Oh, okay. I definitely will do!
great but i saw some role reversal near then end
1951660 Thanks you!
Yeah, I like role reversal. I use third person and then try and point out who is now main perspective within the story.
i am sorry but is it a typo or did i miss the fact that vinyl is a guy in this serise
So more when?