The girls have returned from camp with new friendships, new powers, and new concerns and hopes. Twilight and Sunset ask them all to come to Sweet Apple Acres house to take part in an experiment, minus the magic balloon torrent and rainbow explosions with any luck, and try to learn just what they can all do now and what they should be doing with their powers. But plans don't always go as expected, particularly when the fabric of reality gets torn asunder above you.
In a similar but at the same time very different world Progenitor Liam Harcourt and his people find themselves the victims of a surprise attack. Hammered by weapons they have no defense against and with complete annihilation a very real possibility they have no choice but to evacuate and rebuild their strength. First though they'll have to make it past the gauntlet of mankind's wrath and they're throwing everything they can at them.
Unbeknownst to both, in darkness malice and strife embodied is stirring from centuries of sleep. It's made its plans, placed it pieces on the table, and now waits for the chance to break free from the bounds that shackle it. All it needs is the right key to free it, and it may have found just the one.
Whether the meeting of this group of magical friends and the outcasts of a wounded Earth is in peace or rage may very well decide the fate of both their worlds.
Why did you make the first chapter so long? I should warn you, starting out with a long chapter may turn some people off.
8032835
Agreed, but I couldn't think of a way to split up everything I needed to get across for the prologue. Particularly with the dueling timelines/world arcs which will be somewhat important later. I am 110% open to suggestions to split/shorten/improve it.
8032835 Not as bad as the ones that post 100k at a time.
8043292
*shudder*
I've only known maybe one or two professional authors who could get away with that, and that's because they're demigods of detail that weave a scene so minutely that everyone pictures it exactly alike.
8044162 Might as well call them books at their length.
Good chapter, but the image of the ship is broken.
8073372
Yeah, just noticed. Dang.
Gotta try to figure out what's up FimFic and those links. Is the one from the prologue working or is that out of order as well?
I'm a little confused. Where did the "staggering count of premeditated murders" come from? Did he start going evil between the time of the second infusion and that scene?
8198652
Remember, this is what the agent says he's being accused of. Whether or not that's spin or grounded in some factual basis hasn't been established yet. He's already been at the center of some destructive moments as described by the previous sections and we know that they've taken part in a number of conflicts, the one by name being Syria. Depending on how you want to define their status, either as their own nation or rogue elements of their home, those actions could be seen as legal applications of military force by a sovereign state or illegal acts of assault by private citizens. Wahler is implying the latter in trying to arrest them. Add in the Legionnaires and how you can imagine a lot of people would react to them and things get messy. The question really is whether there's a grain of truth behind those allegations, how big it is, and what were the circumstances behind it.
I love this story so much
8366165
I can say with full honesty that is the first time anyone has said that about a story I made and my grin is threatening to tear my face in two. I will bill you the hospital fees along with the thank you present.
If you don't mind, what is it you're enjoying? I need feedback on the things I'm doing so I can avoid pitfalls and plot holes.
8366179
To be honest I love it all,there are no real parts that I don't love,sorry for not being able to give you any advice on bad things you need to fix and I'm sorry if I made you sad by not being able to ,just know I'm sorry if I made mad...also sorry for saying sorry so many times a lot of my friends say I'm basically a human fluttershy and I'm currently trying to fix that so..sorry
8366194
That's fine, just always looking for input. Hope you continue to enjoy the ride!
"in peace or rage"? What does that mean?
8518397
It's a reference to the anger on many sides in this story. Betrayal and violence leading to paranoia and suspicion, traditions and history leading to the same. A lot of what happens will be based upon how characters react and deal with anger and even blind rage at times. I'm guessing you're not into the story very far yet, so let me say that circumstances are ripe for distrust and fear from the beginning.
I'm not sure how to feel about this story. There are parts of it that don't feel like they fit. Everything with Sunset Shimmer and Celestia before her redemption seems to have no link to the rest of the story. A lot of Liam's history is also similar. Applejack's constant rage only makes things worse. The story's paranoia and distrust sets an overall tone, along with the drawn out nature of it all, that makes me hesitant to recommend this story to others. While there is a sci-fi element to this story, it's being guarded so tightly as a secret, and it's so misanthropic (in regards to how the real world is treated), that it doesn't play with the tropes one would normally look for in a sci-fi story. Replace all the technology with magic crystals and paranormal powers, and almost nothing would change overall in the story. Which is disappointing, because the sci-fi elements are actually pretty well thought out thus far.
Also, I don't see a point in making them bronies except for sparing the lives of the humane seven instead of escalating the situation like they had planned on. If you could imagine it being de-escalated without that brony knowledge, then it brings up the question of why. Makes me wonder if the story would have been better if they had no knowledge of ponies or EQG, then stuff would have been more shocking. But, if they would have reacted much more hostile in that scenario...
8539997
I will absolutely admit this is the story of my two that I'm having the most trouble on getting the tone and pacing right, especially pacing.
The story is meant to have a background of paranoia, especially from the group that just got blitzed on Earth (more info to be revealed later) but I'm probably hamfisting that in. I will probably go back and do a campaign of refining the previous chapters once I finish the newest one for my other story. That and look for a second editor less inclined to put up with my style and more focus on moving the plot along. I will say there are reasons for the links to "our" world that have world-building and plot significance and that some of those links might not show up for awhile. But I definitely need to hurry the f&$% up with them, no question.
8541255
It just strikes me that the reaction to sci-fi visitors is so hostile. It's not only slightly uncharacteristic, but it also is just plan risky. You don't mess around with a space faring power, and certainly don't attack them, without having expectations of prevailing in a first strike scenario. Once you have an opponent with industry in space while you yourself don't have such, you are completely at their mercy as far as retaliatory strikes go. Doesn't even have to be fancy sci-fi weaponry, just dropping stuff from space would be enough.
Applejack's attacks on Liam seem not only naive, but suicidal in reflection. The others taking the position of banishing a new threat is also incredible naive, since the ship could just explode and probably take out the entire town if stuff didn't go down correctly. There certainly is a naivety around the entire thing that comes from the EqG setting, I think, compared to Earth. Though I felt the Earth stuff was quite misanthropic (and a bit eye-roll worthy) with the secret conspiracy stuff. I understand it got the story plot moving, but there is no tie to the real world that you'd usually get with another kind of HiE story.
I wonder if Liam will ever go to Equestria (or forced/banished there). I really, really look forward to that kind of thing should it happen. For all their bronydom, being put in Equestria would probably ruin the technological advantage he has, and be the quickest way to drastically reduce his power if he was transformed in the process. Bonus points if reality itself wasn't like the real world (or EqG) and there was no outer space to go through to build up an industrial base, if the heavens are something completely different there.
8562476
They're not actually. Had to do a somewhat "back alley" method to get them into a format that FimFic wasn't throwing up errors for every time I tried to import the pictures.
And it isn't actually a crossover! I had planned this as a non-FiM sci-fi work after a conversation I had with my grad thesis prof who's written some sci-fi novels over the years. We were talking about the most powerful physics uses we could think of and he said that the ability to manipulate gravity was far more impressive than anyone else had really looked at, especially the ability to cancel it. if someone could do that tomorrow and no one else could then they could quickly take over the world or at least threaten it into submission from orbit. long story short after that, it became a FiM fanfic and I started thinking of how the two could be linked. That concept became this
8562744
Gravity manipulation was always my go to idea for the "if you had a super power what would it be?" question. Sounds interesting, little too dense for me to pick up right now but I'll keep an eye out for after I'm done cleansing the dark and bad end from my palate with fluff and romance.
8593298
It's an interesting one for sure, particularly from an engineering standpoint. That bloody "g" term is the bane of my existence at times. If you can ignore gravitational acceleration or counteract it then the only limit to what you can build or do is power and power density and those have amusing and fun solutions.
I think you'll like this one, and I'm actually not planning on it being a dark piece. More a realistic one, insomuch as that's possible with the setting. Death and destruction are not something people naturally gravitate towards but when it becomes inevitable it tends to escalate quickly. I'll be trying to keep that in mind through the story
8631522
lol. I had a feeling that would be the reaction for some. Trust me, it has relevance in the grand scheme of things.
(something I happened to notice in the films and thought about what it would mean for this story. Think I like what I came up with)
As a hydra I am fully offended.
8631883
Sir- sorry, sirs- sorry, sirs and one madame, that lipstick looks wonderful on your fanged maw - I am terribly sorry if we have offended you in any way. On behalf of the author, our deepest apologies and-... um, is that a bit of candy cane mane sticking out of your teeth- oh, It's gone, must have been my mistake. Again, terribly sorry and- ummm, your belly appears to be screaming in terror.
...
Um, well, yes, sorry and I really must be going! Have a wonderful day!
You know, I've heard a lot of theories on how Twilight handled omnivorous humans. I don't think the humans not being omnivores has ever been done. Congratulations, you've broken new ground. Do griffons not eat meat either? What about dragons? Carnivorous pets?
Also, Liam, enough with planning military occupation as a backup plan. I get you want to get home as quickly as possible, but the ends do not justify the means. Especially if those means make you the target of 7 very angry magical teenagers.
8631926
Deep growl
You do realize hydras don’t have multiple personalities, correct? Damn legends...
8632291
All shall be answered! *mysterious hand waving and smoke bomb throwing*
One way to think of it... it's not just the nation he made that's been attacked, it's his family. Half a million "hims" and their parents. Personal doesn't begin to get at what that would likely feel like. Every loss would be like a personal rejection of you by your home and people. Emotion is driving with it's foot to the floor while logic is sitting in the passenger seat, frantically shouting out directions to keep them from crashing.
Meat eaters must stick together.
8655580
On it's own that comment is good; with that avatar all I can hear is a never ending stream of "bratwurst, schnitzel, und WORLD WAR THREEEEEEEEEEEE~" with the Team Four Star's Major voice. Bravo, you made my night lmao
Is Fluttershy the thorn? Also, seriously, can't they see that he's trying to get back to his home world as soon as possible? I get his powers come from an apparently evil source, but still.
Is there going to be a time skip? Because if it takes a few weeks to get a fake identity for Trapper, then it'll be a long time before we see what he's supposed to do, and he seems important.
8655988
They're watching him, but not that closely, not yet. There would be a lot of risk in trying to have someone tail him close enough to hear everything he says without getting noticed and bugging the school would have it's own form of risks. Rather, there was another problem they were facing that just seemed to vanish into the night sky on them. A rather large problem.
There may be time skips here and there of a day or two but I don't intend to jump entire weeks. There's plenty that needs to happen in that time
It is not magic because of the simple fact that if it can be studied than it can not be classified as magic.
I didn't realize that crash landing of a starship is going to be the most boring thing ever. Yes, reading Big Mac using a shotgun is more exciting then a single dude and his 500,000 robotic copies.
9755367
Admittedly it does need a lot of work. I've had to take time off from writing to focus finishing my other degree and putting in more time at work and in what's left outside those I've been going back and trying to cut fat where I find it. Trying to do more show rather than tell and clip the dialogue to something closer to what real people would actually say and how they'd behave.
That said, excitement will be in this but it's more a story of two very disparate groups trying to work together. There will be more slice of life and suspense elements than excitement (at least in the way I interpreted your comment) for much of the story I wanted to tell.
9755687
To me, this is the story about other people reacting to the hard to miss anomaly that just crashed on the farm. So far from what I could tell the story exist in the vacuum where only the girls actually saw it and reacted to it. For whatever reason, there is a secret government agency that prevents the farm to be swarmed with the tanks.
9756310
Yeah, that's one thing that needs to be rewritten to show that AJ lives way out in the boonies, probably a good 30 min to an hour into the mountains, and the ship popped in on the other side of them from the town and too low to be spotted or correct course before crashing.
It's something I tried to get across with the farm and long drive descriptions but obviously failed to convey sufficiently. That's why the interceptor missile firing off was supposed to be the first evidence the town would get of something out of the ordinary.
As for the secret agency... well, they're there, they're hiding things and keeping certain other things hidden, and all of it with a reason key to the plot and how everything is connected. Past that is spoilers territory.
Applejack is going to choke him
This is the first time (probably) I hear about them not eating a protein based foods. Because eating meat is not as much as an issue as it mostly eating protein based diet