First person; a lonely man meets seven young women he'll never forget.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well that explains a lot. But man dude sounds like a terminator or something. Can't wait for more soon.
7879219
Now I have this image where he looks like Arnold.
"I need your cloths and your boots... Jaaa..."
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I'm getting like a Hancock vibe.
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More like Highlander, with the whole "Can't father children, and impervious to attack and poison" bit.
Well, my face is red.
This still feels somewhat contrived. Unless the CIA usually fields metahumans, Golden had no reason to think the girls were working for it, and I still expect better interrogation techniques from Sunset given her field of study. Just because she can cheat doesn't mean she doesn't have to show aptitude in the more conventional methods. Still, you managed to justify at least some of what I was complaining about, particularly why Sunset kept out of Golden's head, so kudos there. (Though, on the other hand, her reaction to the initial contact now feels far less appropriate...)
That said, immortality through biological immutability has some consequences you haven't quite considered. If his body truly can't change, that would include his brain, especially forming new synapses. And that makes learning and forming memories very tricky indeed. Of course, this seems to be the convenient sort of immutability where only the bad biological processes don't happen, but that convenience puts a bit of a pallor on things. Still, onward.
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Well thanks for checking this out.
Yeah...some of these early chapters aren’t my proudest work; this story represents literally every word of fiction I’ve ever written, and when I started it, I just joined the site, grabbed a laptop and started typing.
I like to think I’ve sharpened my pencil a little bit since then—after publishing 640K words—but yeah, I know there are some of things a seasoned writer could pick at here.
I did the best I could, and athough I don’t fully agree with everything you’ve said here, I do appreciate your input.
I'm actually impressed at not only how you revealed that, but how you managed to keep it hidden without it being revealed by an overly inquisitive reader. Very well done.
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Hey, you've nothing to worry about. I'm a seasoned writer myself, and I didn't see very much gripe with this chapter, if any whatsoever.
Why hello there, Mr. Exposition. It's so nice to see you again. You always have so much to say.
At least they're acting like adults now. If only they could have used their noggins before they went all freaky. T'would have been avoided.
I am going to call him Mr Wolverine.
Honestly after that I couldn't stop thinking about this...
https://youtu.be/HcajJbq1_ZE
It took me way too long to realize this but...
Pinkie pie has already touched that rock.
Sometimes a little exposition is better than an action reveal, and vice versa. In this case, I think it made a lot more sense to reveal Golds' superhuman abilities in action, and explain how they are what they are, and how he is what he is, with an exposition dump later.
Though what I liked most is that the conflict in itself is the reason there's a resolution, rather than the conflict being set to the side in favor of a resolution. The girls all being several years out of practice, combined with their hasty and somewhat unfounded distrust of Golds as a result of Sunset's drastic overreaction, lead to them making a critical mistake they otherwise wouldn't have made, resulting in a resolution appearing when they find out he's not the guy Sunset seems to think he is after he has to save Fluttershy from their own mistake.
In the realm of setups and payoffs, this is actually done really well, now that I'm looking at it from a debate stance. There's a natural conflict, a natural flow, and a natural resolution, and nothing comes off as forced or contrived. I have to say, VERY well done.
I hope EL sees this, lol.
So this guys has been alive for at least 2,500 years, can't be killed, doesn't require food or sleep, is adept in combat, can speak many different languages, knowledgable in many skills and trades (many of which are obsolete), has traveled the world, fought in many different wars, and was hunted by the government to be used by them.
Seems a lot of people are making comparisons to the Terminator, but that is very much wrong. This is clearly The Old Guard!
So this guy is a spcae marine from 40k on super steroids gotcha.
I really dislike how the girls act completely irrational, or at least Sunset does, and there is no ramifications to those actions. I seriously hope this is brought up further into the story, because "I forgive you for trying to murder me" is such a cop-out.
10860706
Unfortunately from what I remember, they essentially get off scot free. It’s annoying as fuck tbh.
10860706
Argument, can't murder someone who can't die.