First person; a lonely man meets seven young women he'll never forget.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Omg O.o
After all of that was said and done that ending gave me whiplash. This entire sequence was mesmerizing.
Now, the time for talk has passed. The Lord's work must be done.
Daaaannnnngggggg!
Owwww.. I thought Id heard they might be remaking Splatterhouse, but..
Its a pity there wernt more heads left for Sunset to mind strip for the global network connections? Some major company at least is going to notice the glitch or even disruption in teh spreadsheet predictions and possibly have a look at things?
WOW!!! That battle was one of the most AWSOME scenes I've ever experienced. I would LOVE to se it made into an anime. Keep up the incredible work. I am really looking forward to more chapters.
🎱U🎱
Whoah!
I'll probably sound like that guy, but as enjoyable as this mass murder scene was, I feel a bit empty inside. There is none of the relief I feel after reading an intense, high stakes battle scene. Mostly because the stakes are so low and things are very black and white.
Rarity can't be killed or hurt, which means she is in no danger. That pretty much kills any tension a fight scene could have. As far as suspense goes, it doesn't matter of one reads or skips this chapter, the end result will be the same - if the hero can't be hurt, there is no suspense at all.
Obviously, this was not supposed to be that sort of a fight. This is the chapter where the hero kills a bunch of helpless people and while such chapters are nice to read on an occasion, I think there is a pretty big problem to consider.
In this story, fight scenes are pointless.
No matter how good the writing, how juicy the details, a fight scene has no impact if the hero can't be hurt. It doesn't matter if the hero is fighting against some drunk idiots or a legion of superhuman soldiers. The end result will be the same. You might as well skip the fight scene entirely. At his point, fight scenes of any sort are useless filler.
Imagine how much different this entire chapter would have been if Rarity was not immortal? If she had access to her magic and fighting skills, but a lucky shot could drop her dead? Suddenly, you don't have a massacre, you have a battle. Now both sides can lose. Now we have suspense. Now there's excitement in the air. And even if the end result is the same, there is a feeling of relief, since there was the potential that Rarity could get hurt or killed.
The more powerful hero is in some aspect, the more boring it is to read about him dealing with problems of that sort.
Considering that your characters are immortal and extremely powerful, there is not much that can threaten them. At this point, I do not know what can be a threat to your characters when it comes to physical harm. At least not without getting ridiculous.
If you want to create suspense, have your characters experience problems, where their immortality and powers are useless. Take the Joker's interrogation scene from the Dark Knight. Anyone will tell you that Batman can kick Joker's ass any day of the week and twice on Sundays. Which is why Joker never makes it about physical strength. The end result is: "You have nothing to threaten me with. Nothing to do with all your strength."
Funny thing is, Rarity might as well have created a pretty big problem for her and her friends. A room full of butchered people will attract A LOT of attention. Doesn't matter if they're scumbags, criminals or whatever. This is not something that goes away. Those people have friends, families, colleagues, rivals, people who will notice their absence. There's also police, ambulance and plenty of other people who will have to deal with that pile of dead bodies. People talk, news will spread.
Canterlot already has a reputation of having a masked vigilante roaming around (plus there's that time Fluttershy took out those school shooters). It won't take long for people to put two and two together. I wonder what Shining Armor will do when he finds out. No matter how much "they deserved it", this is not something a responsible detective ignores.
Furthermore, with the gang gone, things will get worse. You have a massive power vacuum in Canterlot's criminal underground and it will not stay that way for long. New gangs will move in and a lot of blood will be spilled as they carve up the territory and establish boundaries. Sure, Rarity and co will cause a lot of damage, but gangs are not the sort of people that are intimidated by death. Money and power are excellent motivators and there's no telling how many innocents will get caught in the crossfire.
The end result is that the immortals could end up losing one thing that matters most. Privacy. From what I have learned over the course of this story, one thing they all want most is to live and enjoy a normal life. Sadly, with mass murders, masked vigilantes, gang warfare and investigations, privacy and normal life will be hard to come by. They might end up having to leave Canterlot and there's not telling how it will affect them. Especially when you consider that this is the sort of problem, where immortality and super powers are not much of a help.
The second thing I would like to point out is the issue of black and white. So far, all the bad guys are irremediably evil and/or pathetic and all the good guys are nice. The "lives with his mom, pees sitting down" scene comes to mind. I know it is easy to go for the low hanging fruit, but please stop that. You are a better writer than that. Have some moral conflicts. Add some grey to the world. Sure, that woman has no issue with selling drugs to kids, but she's invaluable when it comes to getting your hands on hard to find things. Or maybe that guy works hard to improve the lives of everyone in his community, but he is not above taking the occasional bribe and looking the other way.
The value of a hero is determined by the "quality" of his opposition.
If all he's doing is beating up drug addicts and muggers, then he's pretty much an low effort kind of guy. However, if the hero has to make tough decisions, risking (and sometimes losing) something dear to him in his fight against a worthy opponent, that makes them a real hero.
10269317
Now, now... Don't rush ahead and write out the story yourself. This sudden massacre of criminal individuals might actually be the nail in the coffin for them until further notice. Justice can only go so far before you start crossing logistical lines.
It's already been established that their type of humanity, or lack thereof, has a far looser sense of morality and a greater bloodlust than normal humans. Coupled with their immortality, unique abilities specific to only them, and stupid/evil/criminal individuals in their world? Filler fighting is going to become a norm and a must. Why a must?
Because it was always the outcome of the fighting that gave them hardship/keeps the story interesting. Vengeful individuals, foolhardy decisions, and, as you've stated, lack of privacy.
Fluttershy's rumble in the woods following after her heroics at Canterlot High for example. The first, dramatic arc of this story was because Shy's privacy was invaded, leading Cody to her and then some, and her subsequent capture was due to her own naivety and confidence high after dispatching armed individuals not weeks prior.
Another example: Sunset's bar brawl. One where, in the end, she experienced a fate worse than death and makes one question the supposed benefits of immortality. Yet, at the same time, she also managed to gain a headway in beginning their investigation on the gang member.
There is some merit to these filler fights. They build up and provide interesting, dramatic, and jaw-dropping events due to these powered individuals and their excessive need to show off.
If you really want pointless, filler fights then throw Golden Arrow into every single one. It'll be a victory with little to no consequences just about every single time due to his strength and sheer experience. I'm positive that's what Everybrony Listen is trying to avoid and convey at the same time. The girls, with all their extra abilities, can still be taken down by someone able enough. I don't think anyone is truly able to take down Golden Arrow, hence why he's usually being shown as a mentor or protector.
You can argue that Rarity is probably, definitely, beyond his level due to the sheer damage she can cause but, as you've stated, those kinds of actions have consequences, no matter your capabilities. But I'm quite positive this story and Everybrony Listen has shown that well enough. This story has shown to master the definition of "Your consequences have actions.". Every single one of your listed reactions to these actions could very well happen, seeing how this novel has already progressed. Never mind the fact that these are heroes who're doing more than jumping muggers and addicts. Gangs, mafias, and syndicates can be destructive alone, and downright catastrophic when driven by enough ambition.
I.e Vengeance for the loss of dozens of their members. How? Well, that's what makes them catastrophic.
We've seen one super soldier in this story, and he was only half-baked and for one girl. Imagine the hornet nest this might stir up for the town of Canterlot, especially since those criminal CEOs are out there, getting the information Sunset had stolen changed and refurbished as we speak! They're still alive and know they're dealing with demigods. That and no gang leader was in that room with Rarity. Only members. It will get ugly. Fast.
Just give it time, don't outpace the story, and have some faith. We've not been given something truly pointless yet, and I doubt we ever will. It'll all come together in the end. I definitely know it won't end in only the retribution of Gage. That'd just be tasteless.
10281700
It is possible that I am getting ahead of myself. The reason is, I have seen stories take a similar approach and end up as an illogical mess, where consequences do not exist. If my complaint about potential issues provides an opinion that helps avoid that issue, great. If the author has already considered it and this is all part of the plan, even better. I may have been worrying about nothing, but that is not a big deal.
You do have a point that it's the consequences of various fights that have caused the big problems for our heroes. However, that does not change the fact that said fights lack suspension. Instead of enjoying the whole meal, we only get to enjoy half of it. Like I mentioned before, imagine if Rarity was not invulnerable and there was the genuine threat of a lucky shot or strike putting her down. It instantly makes things more exciting, because at the moment the only thing that threatens her is a crazy coincidence/accident.
As for the super soldier, it doesn't matter how jacked the opponent is if he can't do anything. Would Superman be in any greater danger if he had a fistfight with two trained soldiers instead of two junkies? Invulnerability is such an advantage, it makes a fight pointless. No matter how hard the writer tries, the fight will not be interesting.
What I am betting on is something that was mentioned in the beginning of the story. Golds origins. He does not remember how he became immortal. If that something is still around, that is where a genuine threat can come from. Imagine if all their antics in Canterlot gained the attention of someone who is somehow tied to whatever happened/was done to Golds? What if they encountered someone who can hurt them, who knows how to work against/neutralize the immortals' greatest advantage?
10281867 Yes, I for sure believe the author has it all covered.
But I, for one, enjoy these fights. They're fast, fun to read and picture, and use the one thing you're pointing at, which I believe the author uses right; Combat Knowledge.
We've seen Experience vs. Experience. Of course, if you don't know your enemy can't be damaged, then you'll be surprised a second too late before your demise. Rarity and these thugs is a perfect example. They thought she was some random temptress, as they would in their grounded world, and was fatally surprised. They didn't even have the state of mind to restrain her amidst her whirlwind of bloodshed.
Fluttershy vs. Cody, though? Cody knew the only thing he had to do was capture Fluttershy once he saw she was immortal, and you have to root for her because it's not her life on the line but her entire existence if Cody captures her.
But he succeeded. And she was put through hell.
And that's a stark difference between a knowledgeable individual and thugs/gang members. Kind of like soldiers and minions in a video game. Slaughtering, or beating, them only becomes a big problem if you're overrun or you find someone who knows how to deal with you. An iconic character. The Lex Luthor, Doomsday, Darkseid, or even Batman to the Supers of the story.
Frankly, I have no idea who that's gonna be for our current heroes but that's the beauty of it. They can lowball and fight gang members all they want but someone is going to come for them, and this someone will know exactly how to deal with them that doesn't involve killing them.
Honestly, I've always had that thought too. What if Golds wasn't the only natural immortal? What if there was another that did not end up as benevolent as him, to the point where they could be considered evil? What if they caught wind of the Canterlot happenings? What if they wanted to see what was happening for themselves? What political power would they have amassed? What military power? What armies? Weapons? Skills? Information? What if they could end their lives somehow? Of course, they'd have to be evil to turn it into an arc, since more good immortals would just get assimilated.
I think that'd be really fun to read. It'd really make what we're discussing come to life too!
That fact we're discussing the ramifications of the fights in the story is a testament to how deeply we're into, seeing that it's equally full of porn, lmao
10281948
True, there are other things you can lose in a fight other than your life and when it is those other things that are threatened (freedom, information, life of someone else), you once again have suspense, because that is something even an immortal can lose. However, in every other type of fight, you essentially have an immortal massacring a bunch of helpless people. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy reading about the occasional massacre as much as anyone else. It's just that this one rubs me the wrong way since, to me, it was built up as this final, end of the arc fight.
As for a new immortal, instead of an evil enemy, why not have something different?
For example, this new immortal learns about Golds and despises him for trying to live a quiet life. Instead of guiding/protecting humanity from the shadows, Golds is content with lazing around and fucking all day. This new immortal considers immortality as a responsibility, a gift that must not be wasted. Sure, the new immortal might be friendly towards the girls, since they have obtained immortality just recently and are still "young", whereas Golds has had all the time in the world. Imagine someone like Golds who spends every moment to train, to learn, to gain power to push his immortality to the very limits. He is an enemy not because he is "ha ha, I eat babies" evil, but because of a worldview/ideology. That sort of an enemy is extremely difficult (if not impossible) to defeat, since they often have good points as to why they're doing the things they do. At best one can hope to reach a non-aggression agreement of sorts.
Another immortal enemy type could be the irresponsible one. This is the immortal who enjoys messing with people just for the hell of it. He is out there for excitement. He doesn't care if he wins or loses, as long as he is having fun. He is not exactly evil, he just doesn't care about others. He travels from place to place, causes trouble and moves on. He could represent a certain degree of temptation for the good guys as to what they could do if they stopped giving a crap and enjoyed true freedom ... and I feel like I just described Joker.
Anyway, the point is, if another immortal appears and turns out to be an enemy, said immortal does not have to necessarily be evil. All it takes is to have a different worldview, slightly push it towards a more extreme level and you will have an enemy.
Darth rarity has arrived