First person; a lonely man meets seven young women he'll never forget.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I think she had angel or other animal eat it ...... Oh angel what you got there ...hymn..!!!!!..ahhhhhhh cockroach kill it kill it with fire. angel runs out and *gulp* right in front of cody.he'll be walking a day or two behind him waiting for him to poop it out.lol. Oh fluttershy you don't goofed the spy softwares all ready in your phone you just let Cody know you were aware of the bug the past week.
Flutters what are you doing?!
Oh great. She probably killed the bastard
I'm hoping it's the mountain lion again
Or she finally contacted the group of Sasquatch nearby
Oh no... Fluttershy, what have you done?
Dude, I don't think you quite understand how first person narration actually works. When it is the point of view of any character besides Golden Arrow, it shouldn't refer to him as "I", or "me", but as "he" or "him". Golden Arrow is immortal, not omniscient. He has no way of knowing the thoughts and feelings of other characters, less so when he isn't even there.
9639878
Yes, you are correct, and others have pointed this out. I shouldn’t have written in first person during scenes where he is not present. My line of thought was that he is still telling the story even when when he isn’t there, but looking back now, it just comes off as odd. I stopped doing it that way later on.
I wrote this part two years ago and I made a lot of mistakes; someday I’ll go back and fix them.
Undying immortality is probably the worst type of immortality.
Oh crap.