First person; a lonely man meets seven young women he'll never forget.
Page generated in 0.031 seconds
Total duration
965 users online
2,019,327 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Just noting something that seems to be frequent in writing thus far. Are the italicized phrases supposed to be spoken or thought? If thought, then you need to leave off the quotation marks. If it's spoken, then it could be taken as a surprised declaration, but you might need to show more reaction from the surrounding characters for it. Otherwise, it becomes a bit jarring for readers when they have to regularly attempt to discern one from the other. Just grammar FYI, in case you are still accepting notes on typos.
8887221
I am absolutely accepting any type of writing advice, and I appreciate it very much.
Back when I started this, I had no idea what the fuck I was doing, and I did inner dialogue with single quotes and italics, like this:
'These are my internal thoughts.'
Which is also not proper but at least it was a bit more distinctive from spoken dialogue. Somewhere along the line, I started using double quotes with italics without realising it, and when I went back to the beginning to re-read some stuff, I realised what I'd done, so I just changed it all to double quotes because it was less work to fix it that way. (only the first couple chapters used single quote thoughts)
I guess going forward, (at chapter 94 now) I'll starting doing it properly, and I'll have to go back and fix the rest later. (ugh...)
In the meantime, for you --because I don't have time to fix it right now-- going forward: yes, any double quotes that have 100% italics between them are thoughts. Like this:
"What the fuck was I thinking?"
If not all italics, like if I've placed emphasis on a certain word using italics, or if there's no italics at all, it's spoken aloud. Like this:
"I gotta piss so bad, I can taste it!"
Anyway....yeah, thanks for the help, and I hope you've enjoyed the story, other than that.
Ah, now the story starts to get interesting. We've now officially gone from one immortal to three, all of which suddenly have almost no idea what to do with themselves.
8888028
Also, even though after the first chapters, and this now being in the original zone, I'm still not seeing much of a difference in your writing style at the moment. Though maybe it won't become apparent until after I've progressed farther into the story.
inhales
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM