• Member Since 15th Jul, 2015
  • offline last seen Monday

Shining Smile


"I wan't to be someone who can make everyone around me smile, someone people can lean on when they're feeling a little down and out."-Asuna

Comments ( 6 )

It was good

Nicely done. Just a few technical errors. :ajsmug:

Damn! Great job! I am writing something similar you might like. It’s called the end of suffering. Check it out and comment.

Try and use comma's in your story. For instance, instead of this:

Luna sat on a cold floor in a room so dark that she couldn't see her hoof in front of her face.

try this:

Luna sat on a cold floor in a room so dark, that she couldn't see her hoof in front of her face.

Also, in this line:

At these words Luna felt cooled and wet.

I think you meant "cold" instead of "cooled"

I thought this was pretty good, a prelude to what will happen to poor Luna.

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