Some of it's interesting, but there are a couple issues. The biggest to me is the explanation on how Sweetie woke up with stained sheets despite supposedly swallowing the whole load. It kind of breaks the reality of the story, especially since there are more likely possibilities to explain. There is also the matter of doing similar -- if reversed -- with Nurse Redheart, when there is no direct connection between her womb and mouth. I know there are stories that include "all the way through" as part of it, and even as a fetish, but this comes across more as a lack of anatomical understanding in this case.

On a different note: if Rarity is going to insist that Sweetie Belle refer to her genitals by her proper name, wouldn't she also insist on proper terms for other things? Such as "hermaphrodite" instead of "futa" since Sweetie supposedly have both sex organs, and "semen" or "ejaculate" instead of "cum" when explaining sex and impregnation.

7679433 Those are some interesting criticisms, I'll take note for future work!

Wow, at least it all worked out in the end...right?

7681319 lulz

7681319 lulz
7680774 I know it's amazing

7680774 that looks like four words right there

It's good, but it needs... more.
More of everything, including chapters.

Loved the story. My only complaint is that Rarity was far too harsh in the beginning. It seemed out of character and made the change at the end far to sudden. If she were to ease up in the first couple of chapters, I think the change at the end would seem far more organic.

7679433

wouldn't she also insist on proper terms for other things? Such as "hermaphrodite" instead of "futa" since Sweetie supposedly have both sex organs

But that is the proper term, albeit shortened. Futatanari means hermaphrodite.

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/023/007/f29.png

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSZIq_CYuR8&index=1&list=LLH3_WWp5zWti3pKhiO2gGRA

7679738 will you be making a sequel to this story or are you done with it

8493097
It's different cum that was pushed out due to the pressure. She's sort of enough of a slut to always have at least some cum in her at any given moment.

9436125
It's a fantasy world of cotton candy ponies who are able to do magic, how certain of your explanation are you that their bodies aren't capable of this?