Pop Goes The...
"Now, class, who can tell me the year of the first Summer Sun Celebration?"
Ugh. Why do we even study this stuff? Ancient Equestrian history doesn't even matter. I mean, jeez, I could just go ask Princess Celestia herself if I really needed to know, right? I bet she doesn't even–
"How about you, Sunny?"
Hm? Oh, shoot! Ms. Tenderheart's looking right as me. Uh… "Th… the 343rd year of the Celestial Era?"
"Very close! But you might be thinking of the first Running of the Leaves. That'll be a good question for Friday's test, though, so don't forget it. As for the first Summer Sun Celebreation…"
Dang it! I woulda known that if she was better at teaching this stuff. Ms. Tenderheart's an awful teacher. Why does history have to be so boring?
Being in this stupid, cramped classroom doesn't help at all. It looks the same as it did when I was little! Bright posters that tell us to be nice, soft pastels on the wood, and cubbies – cubbies! – with everypony's lunchboxes inside. At least the sun's shining through the window. Maybe the breeze will pick up and make the air less stuffy. Not that it would make things look any cooler.
Ms. Tenderheart should really appeal to young stallions my age. That's a psychology thing, right? You learn better when you're comfortable? They should put, like, flames on the bookshelf or something. Oh, and sometimes we should have class on the roof. Yeah! And some swords above the blackboard! If she wants to teach history, then we should learn about Equestrian knights and sword-fighting and stuff! We should do sword-fighting in gym! That'd be awesome!
Too bad real life's not like that. Real life's boring. Bleh…
Nopony's even paying attention today. Except Merry Feather, I guess. She likes history. Probably because she's so good at it. That must make it easier. She's lucky. I wish I never had to study it again.
But… I guess it wasn't so bad when we got to be partners for that Ancient Architecture project. Merry Feather's really good at explaining things. I think it's her voice. It's really smooth and flowy and soft. Just like her wings. And she looks really pretty when she smiles. She's got really sparkly eyes, too. Maybe we could study together again sometime. Her room smelled nice, and she has such shiny feathers, and…
Huh. My wings are a little stiff. I should–
…
Oh no.
…
Oh no.
…
No no NO NO NO NO NO!!! Aw, jeez, not now!!!
Okay. Oooookay. Keep it cool, Sunny. You just need to keep calm.
Yeah. Calm. Deep breaths. Deeeeeep breaths. That's it, just like that. Ignore how fast your heart's beating. Ignore it. You just gotta relax, and your wings will probably loosen up and go back down on their own.
Yep, all on their own. They're gonna go back down.
…
Aaaaany moment now.
…
They'll probably go down in three…
Two…
…
Oh, c'mon!
Ugh, this isn't working. Why isn't it working? It should be working.
It's okay, Sunny. It's okay. They're not even halfway up yet. Nopony… Nopony's noticed.
…
…right?
T-the class is paying attention to the lesson, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's gotta be true. Merry Feather likes this stuff, so there have to be others, right? Or maybe everypony's just sleeping. They're sleeping or paying attention. There's nothing else they even could be doing, right? A-and they won't notice my wings, and they won't say anything, and nopony has to know that I was thinking about Merry Feather and her pretty smile and her nice smell and her soft–
GAH!!!! They're getting worse!
Okay, don't panic, Sunny. I said don't panic! Don't panic! You can do this! Just fold them in, like you do all the time. Pretend you've just landed after a long flight. You're tired, and you played an awesome game of airball, and you just gotta fold 'em in. Nice and easy.
Just… gotta…
No, not like that. I need to… Dang it! Maybe if I…
…
No… no, that's not helping.
It's okay, though. It's okay. I'll just think about something else.
What's Ms. Tenderheart talking about? Something… history-y?
"…though, as you read last night, the eastern tribe from what is now the Neightherlands…"
Oh, yeah! Uh, I think she's talking about the war that she didn't finish going over yesterday. The one where aw jeez aw jeez when did they start poking out sideways???
Why did I take off my sweater after lunch? It's not even that warm out today. Jeez, I could have just tucked them inside, and nopony would have seen! That's genius! I'm a genius!
…I'm a genius who stuck his stupid sweater under his stupid desk!
Can… can I reach it? I have to reach it. Maybe if I go slowly. Small movements. Nopony will notice. Careful… Careful…
"Sunny, are you cold?"
Dammit! "Uh, n-no, Ms. Tenderheart." Sit up straight! Before somepony sees!
"Well, then please pay attention. Recess is soon, anyway."
Recess! Perfect! I just have to make it to recess. Then I can–
…
Ugh! Then I can stand up, and they'll flare out in front of everypony. I'm doomed!
Jeez, I bet I'm the only guy this ever happens to. Everybody else always looks so calm. All the other guys know how to keep 'em folded. Except Cloud Jumper. Last fall, he had a full-on wingboner right in the middle of recess, and ponies talked about it for weeks! I can't let that happen to me! What if Merry Feather sees?
Aw, jeez, they're, like, all the way out now, aren't they? Oh no oh no oh–
"Hee hee hee!" "Heh heh heh…"
Is somepony laughing? Aw, no! It's coming from the back of the class. Why did I decide to sit in the front? Right, because I wanted to sit next to Merry Feather. This is all Merry Feather's fault! She's too pretty! I hate her! But what if she doesn't like me? What if she doesn't want to date me because I got a wingboner thinking about her???
"Ha ha ha!"
That sounded like Rainbow Dash, too, and that griffon girl. They're the worst! And they're gonna tell everypony!
Wait a minute, they don't even need to tell everypony! Everypony can already see me! Everypony's looking at me! They're all looking at me, aren't they? They're all looking at me!
Face forward, Sunny. They're already looking at you, so you can't look at them. If they see you look at them, then they'll wonder why you're looking at them and then they'll look at you, and they'll all see you looking at them, and then you'll look away and they'll keep looking at you, and you won't be able to look! You'll have to keep from making eye contact forever!
Aw, jeez, Merry Feather's probably glancing this way, too! She's probably looking at my big wings and thinking, 'Ha! Look at Sunny! Look how he can't keep his big, stupid wings from popping out!' She probably thinks I'm some kind of lunatic who can't control… his…
…big wings.
Hm…
Wh… what if I've been thinking about this all wrong? I mean, big wings are good, right? Dad says it doesn't matter how big a stallion's wings are, but… but mares like a strong, confident male, right? Yeah! And big wings mean confidence!
Duh! I've been so stupid! I mean, stallions wouldn't have these things if we couldn't use 'em to show off. They're part of, like, the mating cycle or something. It's literally the only reason we have them! That's just basic biology, Sunny.
Okay. Let's do this. Show 'em what you got, Sunny! Play it cool. Lean back. Yawn a little. Yeah, that’s it. You're not afraid of showing off what you got, and soon, Merry Feather is gonna think you're the hottest guy in school.
This is totally what mares want.
That's right, ladies. Get a good look. Aw, the mares are gonna be all over me. Rainbow Dash sure isn't laughing now! And then Merry Feather will come up to me after class and she'll say, 'Wow, you're really handsome, Sunny,' and she'll want to hold my hoof and kiss me and marry me and have lots of babies and
They're not big enough.
…
What if they're not big enough?
Celestia save me! What if my wings stop growing? What if nopony ever wants to date me because my wings are too small? Whirlwind has much bigger wings than I do! Did I already run out of growth spurts? What if my wings stay this size for the rest of my life? All the mares are gonna flock to Whirlwind instead, and all the guys'll make fun of me and laugh at me and I won't have any mares or stallions to talk to!
And now they all know! Aw, jeez, I've got my stupid wings on full display, and everypony knows what's going on, and now they're all looking at STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!
This is bad. This is real bad. Isn't indecent exposure a crime? What was I thinking! What if Merry Feather thinks I'm a pervert? Oh no. My lip's quivering. My chest feels really tight. Am I shaking? How long has my hoof been tapping my desk? Merry Feather definitely thinks I'm a freak. She won't want to talk to me or hold my hoof or kiss me or get married and have a bunch of babies because I'll… I'll be…
…
I'm going to jail.
I'm…. I'm going to jail.
Ms. Tenderheart's going to call the police, and they'll lock me up in front of everypony, and all my classmates will come and laugh at me for getting thrown into jail for something so stupid, and what'll happen to me behind bars? Jail wasn't made for guys like me! Do I even know what they do to guys like me? I'll get eaten alive! I…. I….
"Sunny, are you alright?"
"I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JA-A-A-AIL!!!"
…
Great. Now they can make fun of me for crying in class, too. At least these stupid wings are good for hiding in.
"…Class? Let's take an early recess today."
"Yay!" "Awesome!" "Don't have to tell me twice."
Everypony's dashing outside. Their hoofsteps are super loud. Maybe that's a secret code they use to make fun of me.
At least I'm alone now.
…
History's the worst. A-at least… At least when I'm in jail, I can hide in these stupid wings, and nopony can ever look at me ever again!
Guess I should go grab my stuff out of my cubby. I don't even want my peanut butter and jelly sandwich anymore. It's a pretty stupid last meal, anyway. Mom always makes them really good, though, and…
Are those hoofsteps? They're really quiet, whoever they are.
Just leave me alone…
"Sunny, you can come out now."
Ms. Tenderheart? I can barely make out her face between my feathers.
"It's okay, Sunny. It's just you and me." She's smiling, and she doesn't look like she's going to send me to jail.
I need to be sure. "You're… you're not going to call the police, are you?"
She stifles a laugh, and then she shakes her head. "No, Sunny, I'm not going to call the police." She's speaking really softly. "Why would I do that?"
My throat feels like that time I didn't chew my sandwich very well and almost choked. "Because… Because indecent exposure's a crime?"
Ms. Tenderheart takes a deep breath and sits down next to me. "Sunny, you don't need to worry about that. Involuntary wing extensions are a part of growing up. It happens to every pegasus sooner or later."
"No, it d–"
"Yes, it does." I think my heart skipped a beat, but at least I'm breathing normally again. What's she saying? "Sunny, I spend all day with ponies your age. Believe me, it happens to everypony. Earth ponies and unicorns, too, in different ways."
I don't really believe her.
Ms. Tenderheart stands up and looks at me through my feathers. "And if it makes you feel any better, the same thing happened to one of your classmates just today."
I feel my eyes open wide, and then I sit up and fold my wings back in. "Really?"
Ms. Tenderheart is still smiling. "Really. Now, why don't you go out for recess? I bet the other students have already forgotten about it."
My chest doesn't feel so tight anymore, and I think I'm even smiling a little. "Thanks, Ms. Tenderheart."
"You're welcome, Sunny." Ms. Tenderheart's a pretty awesome teacher.
And she's right. I should go outside now. It'll be… Hey! My wings folded back in! When did that happen?
It's a really clear day out here. The sun's shining, and I almost want to go for a short flight. I like how the breeze ruffles my mane on days like this. It makes it a lot easier to take big, deep breaths and smell that fresh grass. Everypony's already on the playground. They're laughing and yelling and playing, and they're really loud, but none of them are laughing at me.
The world looks better out here. Maybe I really did survive, after all. Jeez, that was rough, though. I should write something about it. Maybe a poem? I could write about the deep, dark abyss of loneliness deep inside me. Ponies like deep stuff like that, right? It'd be really deep.
Wait, am I hearing hoofsteps behind–
"Hey, Sunny. How are you feeling?"
I feel frozen. Quick! Turn around! And look natural! I think it's–
Aw, jeez! "Uh, hi, Merr–" Did my voice seriously just crack?! "M-Merry Feather! H-how are you? I'm not too good. I mean bad! Wait, not bad, just, uh, I mean–" Stop it! Deep breath. Low voice. Confidence. "Hi."
I really, really like the way she giggles. It's really cute how she scrunches her face up like that. "Hi, Sunny. Are you feeling better? You seemed pretty freaked out."
Sweet Celestia, she's got a pretty mane. Wait! Pay attention! "Yeah, I'm… I'll be fine. Thanks."
"No problem." Merry Feather's looking at me with those sparkly eyes again. "So… I know you don't really like history, and we've got that big test coming up, and…" Is she blushing? "And I was wondering if you wanted to study together this week?" Yeah, she's definitely blushing. "I-if you want to, I mean. My dad already said it was okay."
She still likes me. She still likes me! It's a miracle! This is the greatest day in the history of forever!
Aw, jeez. Don't freak out, Sunny. Keep it cool. Yeah. Cool. You've got this. Merry Feather likes you, and you're gonna be her big, confident stallion, and you've got this. "I'd love y– uh, to. I'd love to." Nice save, Sunny!
I can't wait to study with her again. It's going to be so perfect! I can already feel my smile spreading wider. My chest is puffing out, too, like a real stallion's! And I'm standing up straighter and my voice is getting lower and my–
…
…oh no.
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Wait, that's really from a comic? I thought it was from the actual show.
I feel like this is a typo.
The story as a whole kind of suffered from the whole thing being inside the reader's head. It's a style that I feel like was chosen specifically but to me it felt more distracting overall. By the end when the characters actually started talking to each other it was really noticeable because it felt difficult just to tell where people were talking and where the main character was thinking. I chuckled a few times but I can't say I've ever 100% related to the pain of having a boner in class and fearing being caught due to it always being under the table and nobody noticing.
But it is easy to relate to having your thoughts drift off in the middle of class and before you realize it you're thinking of a very detailed homosexual encounter involving little clothing and that is suddenly more important than the lesson.
The idea is funny enough, but I'm always distracted by how the fandom has equated wings stiff to horny because it doesn't really make much sense to me aside from blood flow and maybe a sensual area? That's more of a personal thing, though.
Probably the part easiest to relate to of the story and therefore the funniest. Good buildup, too.
As a whole the style of writing itself being 100% the main characters thought process with nothing else made it a bit jarring and noticeable over anything else. I know it isn't a style you normally use which is why I won't fault you for trying something new, but scenes where we hear dialogue of other characters makes it a bit distracting and sort of breaks off the style choice.
Decent story though, got a chuckle out of me which is rare for anything but late 90's sitcoms involving 6 friends these days.
have a Soarburn
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/8/16/958880__safe_shipping_cute_eyes+closed_love+heart_kissing_gay_soarin%27_prone_braeburn.png
I've been there before.
at lest humans wear clothes. Plus wings are harder to hide.
7131794 you seriously think a show on The Hub, by Hasbro, is going to use the phrase 'wing boner?' Dafuq? If I'm wrong, I'm sorry, but seriously, they do actually write for their demographic, even if it's adults watching a show for 7 year old girls (obviously that's me, so it's not an insult).
There's more to it than that, but to a kid Sunny's age who most likely has yet to learn even most of the basics of psychology, this is pretty accurate. Other factors that contribute to efficiency (mind you, I'm adapting some findings from Industrial/Organizational Psychology, but work and school are similar in many ways, so it might work) include a change in lighting, white noise, expecting a superior's visit, and physical involvement in the work. I think it's part of the reason recess was instituted into elementary schools in the first place, though I haven't yet found any confirmation of that.
I found Sunny's wing-boners to be somewhat relatable, having experienced the human equivalent many times in school and work. The sudden realization that it's happening, the choice between ignoring it and paying attention to it, and the sudden realization that it's gone down again without noticing it. The worst ones are the ones that happen minutes before you have to move around, aren't they? That or when you're already walking/standing/etc.
I had a theory that Merry Feather had the wing boner, and that was why the class was giggling and why she was blushing later, but then I read the comic. Eh, that'd be for an AU.
I reviewed this story as part of Read It Now Reviews #76.
My review can be found here.
7131794
It's a testament to how good SorcerusHorserus has gotten at drawing ponies. They've really nailed the style, I think.
7132038
Thanks for the feedback, and I'm sorry this didn't do it for you. I liked experimenting with first-person stream-of-consciousness, and I'm pretty happy with the result, even if reviews are mixed.
7133208
I certainly have, too. Maybe more recently than I'd like to admit.
7134372
Such is the world of ponies.
7135504
I think Nova was more referring to the fact that the character looks like it could be from the show. SorcerusHorserus has gotten VERY good at drawing.
7135629
And I agree – there are some very bad times that it can happen. I would know. 
I figured I could count on you to fill in the psychology gaps.
7138851
Sorry it didn't do much for you (you're correct about not being the target audience), but thanks for giving it a try, and I appreciate the review!
Pressure's on. I really need to be more careful with what I post.
7139048
Tch~ Not going to unfollow you after just one story.
Yeah, I'm not really sure what I was expecting when I read this. It made itself pretty clear.
7139072
Always comforting to hear.
I'm going to spend a lot of this week on Sensation, but I've got another one-shot that I want to do in the near future, this one inspired by a podcast's live show. I think it will be more your speed. 
I liked this. Like Storm Butt said, this isn't one of the more favourable formats to write in, it does have its moments. This, I find, is one of the harder formats to write in, but you did a pretty good job of it. The thoughts with thoughts parts were a little iffy, because that just goes into total mind-buck territory, but whatever.
As others have said, this is one of the most relatable topics for guys as we all go through this at some point or another. I thought that the working himself into a frenzy over the tiniest thing was spot on for an adolescent's psyche. Worrying about what his peers would think, especially the filly that caused the whole thing. The teacher saw his problem and helped him through it by explaining how it happens to everypony and distracting him so it would go away.
All in all, it's a good piece, no matter what anypony says.
When I first saw this I thought it couldn't be the same comic I read several months before but I recognized the screenshot as a panel from the story and I got excited. I remember this little gag in the story and I enjoyed reading your take on it. Ahhh, the struggles in the life of an excitable teen, or adolescent in my case. XD
That is one impressive train of thought.
I have to medicate to keep my brain from doing that.
9638791
Thanks! Glad to hear it was relatable, I suppose.
You can has review!
9783986
Thank you kindly! I'm glad you enjoyed it.