(Previously RuneSpell) I write a lot of depressing stuff. Be warned.
Equestria is under attack. And no one knows from whom it's coming.
Twilight's been holed up in an underground bunker with anyone she can salvage. There's not much to offer. She's trying to find how to get rid of these monsters before they destroy the ponies that are left.
[Cover art by sunflic]
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I'm sorry, but this story needs some work. First off, your phrasing is...well, it's awkward. For example:
While I understand what Twilight is trying to say, the way it's worded just feels clumsy and wrong.
Another problem is the way the story is paced. You start us out on the 18th day of the event-whatever it is- and just drop us there. There's no buildup or world building whatsoever. There are no depictions of Ponyville being overrun by Lovecraftian horrors or of Twilight fleeing for her life; It's just "all of a sudden: monsters
Also, the whole story just feels boring. Maybe I'm just jaded, but the story doesn't really suck me in. Part of it is due to the first chapter's weak hook:
I don't want a list of things that just happened. I want something that will get my attention. Something like:
"There's nothing like an invasion to spoil a great day."
You get the idea.
Anyway, that is all I have to say. What you do with it is up to you.
Yours truly
-Flint-Lock.