Godofpie
Joined 8th Jun, 2012 ·
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Hmmmm, haven't seen this pairing before. I shall observe. Though I really shouldn't since I've got around 40 k words to read tonight alone... JEEZ. But seriously, Fluttershy is best pony IMHO, so it's pretty much an automatic win for you... Anyway,I shall add this to the nights reading. You lucky bugger. Oh and something I just noticed, you're actually looking for criticism? Well then expect something. I usually write my reviews in the night while I read the story. So be prepared. Check out my other reviews if you'd like to see my stuff, it's pretty decent. My blog is my reviews...
Heh she thinks it a stallion....I think I'm gonna like this more please.
757329
Cool, thanks mate. I'll start writing chapter two tomorrow when I read your review, so I can clean up some things. I hope It ain't too bad.
757329 really, you haven't? twishy is one of my favorite parings. here's a twishy that's more on the adorkable side as opposed to the sad side. http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/09/story-once-bitten-twice-shy.html the world could ALWAYS use more twishy
757391
Its gonna be sad, I'm aiming for depressing but that ain't promised.
757426 as long as it has a happy ending i tend to be rather forgiving about that
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/290/466/aaf.png
The want cannot be fathomed.
757440
That can be done.
i noticed a few mistakes, the worst being your use of "neutered"
neutering is removing testicles wich females do not have
unless you're implying twilight magicly gave herself male genitles during her drunken new years antics
757365 Yep. Expect it around 1pm Alberta Canada time, because I have to Steal some wifi, so unless the mall is open... Also, what virotox said, and being actually HELPFUL, the proper term is to spay.
757537 it can by me. Fluttershy is best pony.
757391 *In the Royal Canterlot Voice* IT SHALL BE DONE!
757673
This should clear up your problem.
http://stason.org/TULARC/animals/dogs/assorted-faq/007-Facts-and-Opinions-about-Neutering.html
''Remember, "neutering" can refer both to spaying bitches or castrating dogs. An "intact" bitch or dog is one that has not been neutered.''
Maybe the term 'neutered' is only unisex for canines but I don't think it effects the quality of the story either way. (Ah feck it I've changed it already...)
757708
Spay is more correct but I don't think it fits as much as neutered. And thank you in advance.
The story does look promising, but it could use some editing and improvements. Give character's dialogue their own space instead of it being crammed into a wall of text.
''Ah stop complaining, you help tons of pones like Rainbow Dash and Cherilee and tons of pones!''
Pones...
esreality.com/files/placeimages/2012/85604-fry.gif
At first I was like
Then I was
Then came
and finally was
More please if you can.
759604
That was something that had me in a knot, I always though the rule was if a different pony has dialogue on the same line then skip it over. I've given everypony their own start unless they are the first in a paragraph, unless you mean give them three lines to one line of dialogue. I think that's ugly and really slows the pace of stories but if you really think I should do that I'll do it and give it a look.
760345
What...wha-.... FUCK HOW'D I MISS THAT?! FUCK! I also noticed a few other stupid errors.....
This was a nice chapter. I really liked how Fluttershy's timid nature prevented her from writing anything, and when she finally did, it was a simple compliment. I'm looking forward to seeing how this goes.
You realy should get a proff reader and fix those spelling mistakes and also "Twilight greeted with a warm smile. ''How are you dis morning?''" Twilight would never use "Dis" insted of "This".
761667
I'll read over it letter by letter, I was sure I got them the last time.......
Thank you for pointing that out, I'll fix that dialectical error.
Finally, some Twishy after a long drought of none it.
Here's your Like, Favorite, Read Later, and Bookmarked.
Anyways, yeah I like it.
761416 Well here's how I usually do dialogue.
''Awww, does my wittle baby dragon care for his fwe'nds?'' Twilight couldn't help but laugh at her assistant's carelessness.
A little flustered, and thinking why she can't just thank him for making the food, Spike hurried the conversation as best he could. ''Well... well how'd it go anyway?''
762615
I'll have a look at that but I honestly don't like it. It almost rids of paragraphs and once again, I think it ruins the flow.
762869 Well to me, it kind of actually helps the story. It makes it easier to read. Whatever route you want to go though with it is okay with me. Besides, there's so little of FlutterTwi out there, especially the clop ones.
761667 A 'proff' reader?
762927 isent that how its spelled "proff reader"?
762965
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proof
No, it's proof, everyone makes mistakes, especially me.
762988 well now i know and knowing is half the battle! =D
763140
Mother fucking *High five*!
763154 *High five*
You NEED criticism?
Geez. You're so demanding.
Lolz aside, I really liked the story!
763899
. It's something alot of writers fail to appreciate. 
Well yeah, criticism is always nice to point out where I've gone wrong, even when it's terribly offensive
Yay! New chapter!
780010
Oh god I'm bricking it, don't hate it.
Nice new chapter here. Looking forward to more.
oh shit awkwardness levels are high with this ending of this chapter that is
780058 I think the phrase is "gather her senses", not "gather her circus".
780796
Its a metaphor for the act she has to put on, because there are clowns in circuses, and clowns put on an act? GOD DAMN I'M FUNNY! My proof reader said I should be careful of metaphors and that they only work in poems, shoulda listened.
780899 Your comment certainly was.
And yes, metaphors, in prose, needs a bit more of a set up. That or a translator.
780967
I'll keep that in mind, make them just as long as they aren't terribly vague.
OOooo Fast updates. Nice this pleases me.
Oh I am positively jumping out of my seat dear sir or madam
PM me if you don't want to spoil in comments, but does this have a happy ending? i understand it can be sad, but i don't want to read if there is no happy ending. also include the name of the story if you can, in case it has been a while and im not sure who responded back anymore at that time. that is if you op to PM me and not in comments
Good Chapter, although it would be good if some of the paragraphs were broken up a little more (especially the second paragraph), but nonetheless well executed and...I can't wait for the next chapter *Squee*
783799
.
Ill take a look at that, I don't want to brake them up too much though or else there'll be stuff going on all over the place
I doubt they will be staying 'just friends'.
Twilight, when you see fluttershy I don't believe you will want to stat just friends at all.
Unless author decides to troll my favorite ship. And THAT would be what us most decidedly uncouth.
Seriously though another nice chapter. I am looking forward to reading more.
814375
Lyra and Bon-Bon? Nah, no trolling at all for this story, trolling takes away from the sadness, greatly
814795
Meant twishy as my favorite ship. But I... Wait you said sadness in the story.... Hope that doesn't mean a sad ending for twilight and fluttershy.
I'm onto your games you sneaky evil writer you.
Glad I decided to check Fimfiction before the day ended.
814154
how can you 'doubt' what is a soon-to-be-proven fact!
819797>>814154
Oh community, you so smart