- Member Since 14th Nov, 2013
- offline last seen Nov 30th, 2022
Art de Triomphe
The arguments I have within my own head are legendary.
Art de Triomphe
Joined 14th Nov, 2013 ·
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Hmmm I think you could have added a little more detail on how he was feeling when he'd arvied. Like was he sad? was he angry 4 not having his end? Things like that.
3727360 I see where you're going with that thought, and I partially agree. Though I will say that some of that is coming in chapter 2.
3727490 and you considered that the whole 'from another world' was something Celestia would say how did he know that he was from another world anyways
3738996 I'm a little confused by your comment. Are you asking how the main character knew he was in another world? I thought that was obvious when you're suddenly in among a bunch of technicolor talking horses.
I figured he would be a bit meaner or more depressing due to the fact he attempted suicide. Anyway, still good story.
Interesting, though rather excessively fast-paced to the point of feeling rushed.
"Guy" was clever, and a refreshing change from the usual inane placeholder.
I'm curious to see how you plan to handle his backstory, and how that will play into the rest of the story.
3742606 Thank you for the compliment with the name, took me forever to figure out exactly how I wasn't going to fall into the same "Anon" trap. If you mean fast-paced with everything that happens within the first two days, well I suppose that's true.
3743603
Not so much "within the first two days" as "within the first three chapters" and "within the first few thousand words". It's not unreasonable for everything you've described so far to have happened in two days, but that can happen without a rushed narrative; if it were any faster-paced it'd be a summary/synopsis. It's fast-paced in the sense that it feels like it's racing to hit all the usual HiE milestones as quickly as possible.
Another great chapter. Keep up the good work!
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okey, um i like your story a lot but that fucking name bothers the shit out of me.
Anyways keep it up! :)
Stop for the love of god with bowing and the formalities who gives a shit if they're royalty he ain't a subject he's a freaking human CITIZEN
If Luna is enamored with an average guy (heh) then she'd be absolutely smitten by an actual astronaut.
And where's Derpy?
I see her tagged. Wait... is she the love interest of our human protagonist?
I'm amazed this guy has managed to resist petting, scritching behind ears, or belly-rubbing anypony.
3903378 I once knew a guy named guy. He was a swell guy, this guy named guy.
3936444 Yes, Luna would love an actual astronaut. Derpy (or as I will call her in this story, Ditzy Doo) will make her first appearance in the next chapter.
3935204
Royalty is the same anywhere. I'd be bowing and trying to be on my best behavior around the Queen of England even if I had no idea what the official protocol is. It's just common decency-- and not acting like people might think Americans behave outside their own country.
"make do"
"thoroughly"
"sovereign"
3903378
3940200
I read Two Guys and Guy regularly, so all I can think is, 'Ha, that's a girl's name!'
3935204
...In a foreign land.
Try waltzing into russia going, "Hey Vlad, whattup?" and see where that gets you.
Woona is best pone.
DEFINITELY want to see more of this story. It's great so far! Really can't wait for the next chapter!
And now the betting pool on how long it will take Guy to do a different kind of "petting" with a pony begins.
3971588
Next is the ear scritches, which leads to back rubs, which leads to cutie mark rubs, which leads to... 3rd base...
Actually, if he goes to Fluttershy, she might end up petting him. Heh, how's that for a turnabout?
Let's just hope she's not got the bear over for tea. Yeesh... awk-ward.
3971809
Turnabout, eh?
static2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130324182314/mlp/images/c/c5/Phoenix_wright_hold_it.png
That would be awesome!
One minor suggestion:
This sentence would read better without that first "on the wall." (You'll also want to get rid of the comma when you remove the redundant phrase...)
3981450 Thank you for that, and I fixed it. Sometimes things just slip through, you know.
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Once again, another glorious chapter... though short. Can't wait for more!
What about AJ and RD's presents?
i love this story, i really want to know who will be his marefriend, LUNA OR FLUTTERSHY, because for now they both are even.
3998190 I don't know. What do you think they would give him?
look at authors note.
this pops up in my head
4018496 Oh my Celestia!
I didn't even think of that at the time. Points to whomever comes up with a better shipping name.
4018520 That's a surprise considering he reappeared in name and voice 3 weeks ago
Knew it~
4018520
I don't know about better, but the other obvious choice is:
mariowiki.com/images/thumb/a/a1/Shyguy_MP9.png/395px-Shyguy_MP9.png
Did you mean "Guy" here?
Every time I see him refered to as guy I think of a green ring
God damn it bulging biceps!!!! I need moar!!!
Yeah, a punctured lung tends to ruin a typical date. I gather this stallion was Roid Rage-- which explains the violent beating. I wonder how many other ponies have xenophobia over the human? Well, assuming he hasn't drowned in his own blood, a clot formed in the blood vessels of a lung (which is fatal in a few minutes), or he proves resistant to healing magic, Fluttershy and Twilight can easily find him in the hospital for the next month or two while he recovers.
The only thing I found a bit awkward however was his special time described in detail in the shower. Eh, could have glossed over that part really and not missed it. I'm also finding it a little weird how quickly Fluttershy's attracted to him. Still, she is a bit of a shut-in, of her own violation, so perhaps when an agreeable romantic interest shows up in her life, she pretty much pounces on it... or him, as demonstrated.
Looking on the bright side; Fluttershy can play nurse with him (wink wink) once he's out of ICU and assigned a normal room.
you do not go from committing suicide to enjoying parties
4054125 For one thing, Fluttershy has had a thing for him since "Inner Demons and Outer Angels", she just had no way of expressing it properly until now.
Yeah, you're probably right about the masturbation scene. But I wanted the mutual sexual attraction to be blatantly obvious before the date.
It seems SOMEPONY is jelly
Come to think of it, bulging biceps probably couldn't get a date anyways!
D'waaahhhh... Epic cuteness over 9,000.
Gaaah! Dammit... I'm running out of replacement hearts.
Have to say Guy's a better man than I. I'd have followed through on those charges, and a lawsuit as well. Er, mainly to pay for the hospital stay (Two weeks in the hospital would cost half as much as my house mortgage!). Although here in Equestria, it seems the Crown is paying his tab so I guess he can afford to be charitable like that.
As polarizing as this issue seems to be in the greater Equestrian society, if he keeps at this, will other species-mixed couples make themselves known? I'm certain the Princesses won't mind amending the laws to recognize the married status, but getting it past the Nobles will be a truly heroic-level feat. This is all assuming that married couples actually matter to the law. It's apparent that Luna's version of the tax codes is a slim shadow of the gnarled mountain of red tape we've created for ourselves. I bet bank loans, debts, and other monetary things are also less complicated.
Wow those reasons he called her honey I've heard the first two a bunch of times but that last one is a step up romanticly and after finding some honey in the back of my fridge that was still good after about four years I know its true
A few chapters in, and I'm rather conflicted. On the one hand, you've got a terrible case of telling, not showing, when it comes to the introductory scenes. A lot has been vaguely glazed over for the sake of expedience, which I'll assume is a conscious decision of yours. On the other, it's a welcome change, since I'm sure we've all read the "human is introduced to ponies" scenario more than a dozen times. I'll just hope that this is remedied in later chapters, once we get to the meat of the story.
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