• Member Since 6th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 15th, 2017

Gmoney24


I like to write and I love MLP: FIM. I'm from the US and I appreciate feedback always!

E
Source

The story of how Fluttershy and Twilight begin to realize they have feeling for eachother. They encounter several trials and tribulations but in the end Love always wins. :)

Chapters (20)
Comments ( 94 )

I think this is cute :twilightsmile:

Great chapter though i wish it was longer :derpytongue2:

It's good, but it could use some polish, fair number of little errors all over the 4 chapters so far, but still ok.

:ajsleepy:
Sorry, but I just couldn't get into this. There's no specific thing wrong with it, it's just...boring. I don't know what to tell you. Read more, maybe?

This isn't that terrible, just standard shipping formula.
Maybe you could mix it up a bit?

898450 Thank you for the Constructive Criticism. I will definitely work on those points in the future. I'll be posting the next few chapters soon though so it may take me a while to fix my prose, description, and characterization issues. Please continue to give feedback though so I can keep improving.:pinkiehappy:

Thank you all for your comments more coming soon! I am honored that so many ponies like my story! Please keep the Feedback coming. I promise it only gets better. :twilightsmile: :yay:

All chapters up to date are out! Please Leave me your comments and Feedback thanks!

Error time!

1.) She looked into Fluttershy’s beautiful eyes and thought. I could just kiss you now!
That period should be a comma

2.)Flutter shy
That should be one word

Other than those, the story was well written and engaging. Good job! :twilightsmile:

901464 Thank you for the error notes. I have fixed them. See a plot twist is coming and will be developed further. Glad you are enjoying the story keep the feedback coming. :)

I liked it. I don't realy like Twi, but I love Fluttershy so it seems to balance. :yay:

You seem to forget the " ". As an example you would start talking like ("I love you Fluttershy) but forget to put the " at the end so that it could be ("I love you Fluttershy")
(I totaly has no examples so this is random :pinkiehappy: )

Sooooo cute! The lady and the tramp is my favorite disney movie :twilightblush: And there is a mistake at about the 14th paragraph (Not counting authors note) You stated Fluttershy's Yellow mane :pinkiegasp: Her mane is Pink!

Good chapter. It seems you made ALOT of mistakes, but I just read it anyways I don't realy care that much. It was perfect otherwise.

9 3/4... I see what you did there Harry Potter reference. Strange they didn't have to go through a wall. :yay:

Epic I love it so far. can't wait for more. :yay:

903903 I am so honored that you have taken the time to not only read my but also to comment on more than 1chapter. I did fix those few errorsbut more chapters coming soon I promise.:pinkiesmile:

911659
No prob this story is worth it. I hope you go far with it and can't wait for more. :yay:

Interesting new character.

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:
I give him a 9/10 Spikes.

"Twilight broke away from Twilight"

I think you meant Fluttershy :derpytongue2:

915944 Thanks for the tip the correction has been made. I am gla you approve of Dr. G. 9/10 spikes wow! I am honored. :moustache:

Ah, yes now I know why this looks familiar. I've read it on Fanfiction.net.

943455 I am glad you like it on here too. I was trying to reach a bigger audience so I also posted it here to get more feedback. :)

Angel: kiss her kiss her you fool!:heart:

yes rushing in on you when you pin each other down did not tip me off at all.:heart:

960221 Not even a little? :facehoof: lol! Glad you are liking the story new chapters coming soon.

I have no criticism. I love this story. I want to draw a picture of the doctor for you but I am a bit tied up in my own story at the moment.

By the way, do you need the picture by a certain time?

Another question, Actual drawing (which I can do, it will take some time) or a pony creator avatar (which I can do in all of 5 seconds)

Again. I love the story.:pinkiehappy:

982783 I appreciate your enthusiasm. I would be very honored if you could do the drawing for me. I am not in any rush though so take your time. And for being the first to even offer you win the grand prize! I hope to be able to read your story sometime soon as you are probably a very good writter. Also you will definitely be the first to know when chapter 14 comes out should be soon btw! :heart: :yay: :twilightsmile:

Goodhoof Ramsey?! THAT IS POSITIVELY THE WORST MLP: FIM WORDPLAY I HAVE EVER HEARD!!!!!!!!!! I put up with a lot of annoying wordplay but that was just AWFUL. Sorry for being a hater.

990639 Awww I'm sorry. I thought it was kinda funny. I have a few other funny references too! :rainbowlaugh:

1086043
Thanks more coming soon! And I am glad you like lady and and the tramp reference! I am also glad you liked my story. I have poured my heart onto my computer and so far it's become quite an amazing thing by the reviews I have gotten. I will continue and try not to let any pony down! :heart: :yay::scootangel::twilightsmile:

Well. I am slightly agitated that you didn't inform me of the romance with luna. I could have worked that into a drawing!

But alas, I will finish the current one.:scootangel:

I can't get the references, but I feel like "The Good Doctor" is familiar, tell me if this is a reference, because I is confused. :derpytongue2:

1089480
The good Doctor isn't that much of a reference but it does slightly refer to Dr. Who. As for the others like Lion King, Harry Potter, Various singers artists and celeberties are mentioned throughout the story. :twilightsmile:

This story seems so flat to me it's not that I don't like it. It just seems flat.

One Direction?!?!

Never stop writing! You are too good to stop! Believe! Lol I sound like Trollestia and motivation gone wrong.....:twilightsheepish:

1093698 Gasp! Noooooooo!:raritycry:

1094943
Yes here is a hint as to what it is referencing to A great scene indeed!

.

One of my all time favorite movies.
:yay: :yay: :yay:

NEW CHAPTER OUT EVERY PONY ENJOY!!!!!!

The picture requires editing and a better body. I will have it to you as soon as possible.

I liked the chapter too!

1104411
Yes and not just an inner monologue an inner monologue from a character who isn't the perspective the rest of the chapter focuses on. It's like a page break sorta.

'And from the story that Twilight and Fluttershy and Him were telling they had been through quite a bit to say the least!' I don't really like the sound of this. Personally, I would write. 'And based on the story that Twilight, Fluttershy and He spoke of, they had been through quite a bit to say the least.'
(3rd paragraph from bottom (Counting AN))

1097026 Thank you for the support. I am working on chapter 16 now. Have a bit of writer's block but I have been recently hit with a wave of inspiration! :raritywink:

1114040 Thank you upon closer inspection I agree with you. I plan on editing this soon. Thanks again for your continued reviews,and advice! :pinkiehappy:

for most of this chapter the song itunes decided to play was dont go breaking my heart, i know that this is complacently irrelevant but i just couldn't resist sharing the coincidence

1126034 Wow what an amazing coincidence! :raritystarry: I appreciate anything my readers share with me it shows that they are interestead in my story and have made a connection to it! :yay:

You deserve to be shot formixing 1d and Ponies.

Soley because i love ponys and i hate 1d.

Other than that Brilliant Chapter.

I see a problem here, 'He said exuberantly waving his hands.' Tony is a pony, Ponies have hooves not hands. :twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment