The story of how Fluttershy and Twilight begin to realize they have feeling for eachother. They encounter several trials and tribulations but in the end Love always wins. :)
I like to write and I love MLP: FIM. I'm from the US and I appreciate feedback always!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I think this is cute
Great chapter though i wish it was longer
It's good, but it could use some polish, fair number of little errors all over the 4 chapters so far, but still ok.
Sorry, but I just couldn't get into this. There's no specific thing wrong with it, it's just...boring. I don't know what to tell you. Read more, maybe?
This isn't that terrible, just standard shipping formula.
Maybe you could mix it up a bit?
898450 Thank you for the Constructive Criticism. I will definitely work on those points in the future. I'll be posting the next few chapters soon though so it may take me a while to fix my prose, description, and characterization issues. Please continue to give feedback though so I can keep improving.
Thank you all for your comments more coming soon! I am honored that so many ponies like my story! Please keep the Feedback coming. I promise it only gets better.
All chapters up to date are out! Please Leave me your comments and Feedback thanks!
Error time!
1.) She looked into Fluttershy’s beautiful eyes and thought. I could just kiss you now!
That period should be a comma
2.)Flutter shy
That should be one word
Other than those, the story was well written and engaging. Good job!
901464 Thank you for the error notes. I have fixed them. See a plot twist is coming and will be developed further. Glad you are enjoying the story keep the feedback coming. :)
I liked it. I don't realy like Twi, but I love Fluttershy so it seems to balance.
You seem to forget the " ". As an example you would start talking like ("I love you Fluttershy) but forget to put the " at the end so that it could be ("I love you Fluttershy")
(I totaly has no examples so this is random )
Sooooo cute! The lady and the tramp is my favorite disney movie And there is a mistake at about the 14th paragraph (Not counting authors note) You stated Fluttershy's Yellow mane Her mane is Pink!
Good chapter. It seems you made ALOT of mistakes, but I just read it anyways I don't realy care that much. It was perfect otherwise.
9 3/4... I see what you did there Harry Potter reference. Strange they didn't have to go through a wall.
Epic I love it so far. can't wait for more.
903903 I am so honored that you have taken the time to not only read my but also to comment on more than 1chapter. I did fix those few errorsbut more chapters coming soon I promise.
911659
No prob this story is worth it. I hope you go far with it and can't wait for more.
Interesting new character.
I give him a 9/10 Spikes.
"Twilight broke away from Twilight"
I think you meant Fluttershy
915944 Thanks for the tip the correction has been made. I am gla you approve of Dr. G. 9/10 spikes wow! I am honored.
Ah, yes now I know why this looks familiar. I've read it on Fanfiction.net.
943455 I am glad you like it on here too. I was trying to reach a bigger audience so I also posted it here to get more feedback. :)
Angel: kiss her kiss her you fool!
yes rushing in on you when you pin each other down did not tip me off at all.
960221 Not even a little? lol! Glad you are liking the story new chapters coming soon.
I have no criticism. I love this story. I want to draw a picture of the doctor for you but I am a bit tied up in my own story at the moment.
By the way, do you need the picture by a certain time?
Another question, Actual drawing (which I can do, it will take some time) or a pony creator avatar (which I can do in all of 5 seconds)
Again. I love the story.
982783 I appreciate your enthusiasm. I would be very honored if you could do the drawing for me. I am not in any rush though so take your time. And for being the first to even offer you win the grand prize! I hope to be able to read your story sometime soon as you are probably a very good writter. Also you will definitely be the first to know when chapter 14 comes out should be soon btw!
Goodhoof Ramsey?! THAT IS POSITIVELY THE WORST MLP: FIM WORDPLAY I HAVE EVER HEARD!!!!!!!!!! I put up with a lot of annoying wordplay but that was just AWFUL. Sorry for being a hater.
990639 Awww I'm sorry. I thought it was kinda funny. I have a few other funny references too!
1086043
Thanks more coming soon! And I am glad you like lady and and the tramp reference! I am also glad you liked my story. I have poured my heart onto my computer and so far it's become quite an amazing thing by the reviews I have gotten. I will continue and try not to let any pony down!
Well. I am slightly agitated that you didn't inform me of the romance with luna. I could have worked that into a drawing!
But alas, I will finish the current one.
I can't get the references, but I feel like "The Good Doctor" is familiar, tell me if this is a reference, because I is confused.
1089480
The good Doctor isn't that much of a reference but it does slightly refer to Dr. Who. As for the others like Lion King, Harry Potter, Various singers artists and celeberties are mentioned throughout the story.
This story seems so flat to me it's not that I don't like it. It just seems flat.
One Direction?!?!
Never stop writing! You are too good to stop! Believe! Lol I sound like Trollestia and motivation gone wrong.....
1093698 Gasp! Noooooooo!
1094880
YES Yes Indeed!
1094943
Yes here is a hint as to what it is referencing to A great scene indeed!
.
One of my all time favorite movies.
NEW CHAPTER OUT EVERY PONY ENJOY!!!!!!
The picture requires editing and a better body. I will have it to you as soon as possible.
I liked the chapter too!
1104411
Yes and not just an inner monologue an inner monologue from a character who isn't the perspective the rest of the chapter focuses on. It's like a page break sorta.
'And from the story that Twilight and Fluttershy and Him were telling they had been through quite a bit to say the least!' I don't really like the sound of this. Personally, I would write. 'And based on the story that Twilight, Fluttershy and He spoke of, they had been through quite a bit to say the least.'
(3rd paragraph from bottom (Counting AN))
1097026 Thank you for the support. I am working on chapter 16 now. Have a bit of writer's block but I have been recently hit with a wave of inspiration!
1114040 Thank you upon closer inspection I agree with you. I plan on editing this soon. Thanks again for your continued reviews,and advice!
for most of this chapter the song itunes decided to play was dont go breaking my heart, i know that this is complacently irrelevant but i just couldn't resist sharing the coincidence
1126034 Wow what an amazing coincidence! I appreciate anything my readers share with me it shows that they are interestead in my story and have made a connection to it!
You deserve to be shot formixing 1d and Ponies.
Soley because i love ponys and i hate 1d.
Other than that Brilliant Chapter.
lion king for spike
I see a problem here, 'He said exuberantly waving his hands.' Tony is a pony, Ponies have hooves not hands.