Fluttershy has a crush on Twilight Sparkle. It's a big one, and Fluttershy believes she needs help. At the spa, the pegasus confides in Rarity, who immediately plans a date between the two, in order to help Fluttershy announce her love.
A few days pass, and it's the big day. The day where Fluttershy finally tells Twilight Sparkle how she feels. Fluttershy is so nervous, she doesn't know what to do! But she's not the only one nervous. Her companion for the evening is equally nervous, and decides to go get advice from Rarity.
The dressmaker is now torn, having Pinkie Promised both of her friends that she would not reveal their secrets, but neither of the lovers will just say the three magic words. So now Rarity's on a one mare mission to help her two friends find love by any means necessary! And she still has 3 dresses to complete!
(Cancelled, due to the fact that I haven't been inspired to write this in over a year coupled with the fact that this would probably be better off as a more coherent one-shot.)
Alright, so second story ever published. Yay.
Just an FYI, before bashing it. I wrote this in about an hour (From 10:21 PM to 11:26 PM) with no editors, no editing, and minimal rewriting. Final Destination. Had some time to kill, wanted more TwiShy, so I wrote some more TwiShy.
Tell me what you think, the ol' Comment and Critique never fails, but keep in mind that I reserve the right to change my story at my own discretion. I'm literally writing by the seat of my pants and writing a story that I personally will enjoy. If you have a problem with that, by all means, tell me. Not that I'll actually pay attention, but still. If you've got actual critique, go ahead and give me it. I'll take it into consideration and adjust the story accordingly.
I'm looking for a good cover for this either. If anyone knows a good TwiShy picture I could use for it, it'd be greatly appreciated. I'd also take submissions of artwork drawn specifically for this, too. I won't complain if that's what you wanna do.
And please, for the love of God, no dislike bombing just because you don't like the pairing. That's just a nasty thing to do, and isn't very nice. How would you like it if I did that to you?
Love makes the world go triangle.
As much as I love the humor in this story...I gotta ask...
What kind of material did you use to beat the 4th wall with, dood?
I'mma keep an eye on this...
Twishy
Twishytwishytwishy
I'm very much okay with this and will read.
In my opinion, this breaks the fourth wall too much. There were a couple parts that made me smile (such as Angel's dialogue), but other times the humor seemed forced. I'm honestly not a huge fan of the writing style. It cuts from pony-to-different pony with no separation in between them. It's not a bad story by any means, but I don't think I'll be watching it.
Just read it, and I have to say:
I enjoyed it. Certainly not the finest story ever written, but it was definitely enjoyable and the fourth-wall breaking made it feel unique.
I will be awaiting more because Twishy and enjoyable fic.
You wouldn't say a flock of butterflies, but a swarm of butterflies.
“...doing several things that shall not be named in the story, for I would not like a Mature nor a Teen rating.” This disappoints me.
Twishy is second best ship
I liked it and I think it was rather well written, despite you claiming that you don't have an editor. I didn't spot any glaring errors nor any small ones, though my judgement isn't really reliable, since English isn't my main language
Anyway, I'm going to keep an eye on this and see where this story will go. Have a fav and an upvote
OOOH A FIC THAT ADDRESSES THE FOURTH WALL I LOVE THOSE KINDA.
Okay, there's a mild formatting error with the letter deal. Sincerely is spaced out into Sin cerely. If I wasn't running off of a few days of no sleep, I could probably help point out a solution to that problem but my brain are broke.
It's fairly decent, and the pairing is a fresh twist because, well, it's not exactly common. Kudos.
Now, as far as plot line elements go, the whole fourth wall thing... it is enjoyable to some. But be more creative with it. Don't write the story as viewed by you, do it like you were Pinkie Pie! I mean, seriously, the 4th wall thing is kinda her shtick. Actually, it kinda reads like Pinkie Pie already so it's not all that far off. But then, my brain is sleep deprived. You should probably spend a chapter detailing WHY TwiShy is going to be a thing, what made them stare wanting to get up close and personal to each other's cutie marks to do things that aren't for Everyone rated stories. Out of all the mane six, Twi and Shy are the... well, shiest of the group, with Fluttershy being naturally shy and Twilight being socially awkward to the extreme due to spending most of her developmental years with her head in a book. I'm curious as to where you're going with this, because in a way it's a fresh twist on an old episode idea where roles are reversed.
Good luck. I'm goin to bed.
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1723338
Or pyramid, depending on how you look at it.
1723431
I used the powers vested in me by my god-like control over what happens in the story.
1723477
That's perfectly fine. It's your opinion and I respect that. I'd rather be damned for an eternity in Hell before violating someone's right to their own opinions.
I will however, go back and make it clearer that I'm changing perspectives. I think that does need to be a little addressed, to control the flow somewhat.
1723516
Good to see that at least someone liked it. And now, considering I've got confidence, people who want more, and editors on my side, it can only get better, so stay tuned.
1723610
I apologize for the lack of clop in this story. I will try to make amends somehow, such as fixing the flock of butterflies thing.
1723918
Ooh, thank you. Let me just pocket those two for safekeeping.
And while you're judgement isn't the best, I still appreciate it. Any little bit helps.
1724042
OOH BOY THIS IS A BIG COMMENT TIME TO RESPOND
Roger, I will fix the formatting posthaste, my good man. As for the plot, yes, I am planning on expanding the reasoning between the two in the upcoming chapters, as well as showing how Rarity got into this sort of thing. Yes, I did say I was writing by the seat of my pants, but all I'm doing extra now is giving myself a little direction to go in.
And as for the Pinkie Pie... well...
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/343/f/8/liarjack_animated__gif_by_kyrospawn-d4ao49a.gif
1725208 Hey, I'm not knocking writing by the seat of your pants. My whole fic is made with next to no editing, hardly any planning, and usually in the dead of the nights where I don't have to work in the morning so I'm usually sleep deprived.
1725224
Ah, the joys of writing fanfiction!
1725265 Insomnia and bags under the eyes are usually the sign of a dedicated fanfiction author.
1725272
Indeed. It is the mark we must bear.
i love your narration style
yay! More Twishy. :) I liked your writing as well.
Hmm...interesting. And it's Twishy no less. Methinks I shall follow
Great story. I want to see more chapters.
I'm not a huge fan on serious ship-fics
So I highly enjoyed the humor and narration style in this fic.
But to touch on a point with another comment, I did like the use of humor, but I can see where they personally thought it was forced.
Keep it light and don't embellish on the jokes to much. Not that I thought you were beating them into the ground or anything! Just so it makes everyone happy
I love your writing style! It feels unique compared to other fics! Please keep writing, and please don't change your style despite some of the naysayers.
A romance story told by Pinkie Pie.
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4877-19a.jpg
1748125
Or horrific, depending on how you look at it.
1748410 That's entirely depended on personal preference and the skill of the writer.
Though mostly it's all on you.
No pressure though.
1751414
I DECREE THAT THIS CANNOT GO WRONG
1751565
THEN HENCEFORTH, LET US READ AND JUDGE YOUR EVERY WORD. FOR PONY! FOR COMEDY! FOR PINKIE PIE TELLING A LOVE STORY!
1751601
1751913 What the bloody hell are you doing cutting to Valve? We have no need to know of what we already know is going on over there in between swimming in pools of money and coding new hats for TF2.
1752594
I'm sorry, it just slipped out!
1752622 Shame on you.
SHAME.
ON.
YOU.
This is going to end so well for them