I doubt they will be staying 'just friends'.

Twilight, when you see fluttershy I don't believe you will want to stat just friends at all.

Unless author decides to troll my favorite ship. And THAT would be what us most decidedly uncouth.

Seriously though another nice chapter. I am looking forward to reading more.

814375
Lyra and Bon-Bon? Nah, no trolling at all for this story, trolling takes away from the sadness, greatly

814795

Meant twishy as my favorite ship. But I... Wait you said sadness in the story.... Hope that doesn't mean a sad ending for twilight and fluttershy.

I'm onto your games you sneaky evil writer you.

Glad I decided to check Fimfiction before the day ended.

814154 how can you 'doubt' what is a soon-to-be-proven fact!

819797>>814154
Oh community, you so smart

PINKE DIDN'T PINKE PROMISE AAAAAAAA

836277
I don't think she would after ''The last round up'', she seemed really hurt about it.

Just read all three chapters, the actual plot is good so far. but the writing is just terrible. it isn;t descriptive enough. I can't tell which ponies are doing what most of the time and must assume ALOT to understand this story. also the sentence spacing should be double, simply because it makes it easier to read. When the location changes, make not to say "better get to the market" said twilight. and stuff like that. it is VERY confusing. like i thought rarity was asking twilight over for dinner so to stop her from hurting fluttershy at first and that she was there when fluttershy confessed to twilight. All in all good story, horrible way of putting it into words. VERY VERY horrible. it just is SUPER hard to read. and please don't be mad. I am being very honest with you just because i know of anything else, it is the truth and the truth is always the most helpful, but sometimes mean. I'M SORRY
I don;t want to be mean, but i also would like you to improve.

870177
It's cool dude, criticism is requested . I'll see what I can do, I haven't gotten any other complaints about that but I guess since you took the time to make such a a long comment I can oblige. Although I din't understand what you mean by ''sentence spacing should be double'', do you mean that ever line should have a blank line under it and each paragraph has two lines under it?

871162 like yeah a blank line between each line, most text editors include a setting "line spacing" set that to 2.0 or double. would make it alot easier to read. easier to keep track of which line you are on. Also, i think the biggest problem is understanding two things as the reader: 1.whom is speaking or performing actions and 2. location. they change alot without telling the reader. like use "twilight said" "twilight hoof raised" vs. "the hoof raised" stuff like that, it isn't specific to your text. alot more clarity i guess. you know what i mean? the actual plot is GREAT!

872030
Righty-o, I'm not going to change the structure of the story to that extent, especially because I wan't to keep the structure as much as a novel as possible, and as I've said in three or four previous comments, structure really plays on the pace, which I'm anal about. On the matter of clarity, I've went through and taken out the worst I can see, I don't feel like changing any more purely because of my writing style which dictates a burning hate for the repetitive use of words like ''said/she'' ect. I write my stories so that you have to take things out of context anyway, makes the reader engage the story, one of my friends pointed it out once when I was writing a short story for school. Sorry if it's too unclear, I guess it's all down the reading style also. You've given a lot of criticism, and I like that, but just not in the right area, maybe try reading the story differently or what not. Thanks mate, I just hope I didn't deter you

872202 not at all, i know my original post was very rude, i was tired and i would reword it if i could, but it has been read and there is nothing i could do now. Another thing i have seen people do is during a conversation, they make it a back and fourth conversation and make a new line when ever the speaker changes. i think people do that so they don't have to use "she said" and all that. well i don't write, but there are many ways to go at it I'm sure. anyway best luck, hope you know more then me. I don't know what is really wrong or how to fix it, just know its confusing for some reason. I know I'm not that helpful ,so i will leave it at that. i just don't have the capacity to describe it properly.

Why did my email say this was updated?
It isn't...
Damnit.
Could you make it true? :D

935832
that was my doing, accidently published chapter six, whoops did I just say that! But yeah it was a mistake.

935840 Wait... so you're done with like 3 more chapters? :O
Can we at least have 1?
But yeah, I do that all the time XD

935841
I'm gonna do them all at the same time, I still need to edit chapter 6 and have 5 and 6 proof read. Chapter 4 is readdy to go but I might need to change it depending on the next two chapters, and I hate big edits after release.