A Letter for The Princess
It was the fifth time Spike was dusting the shelves in the library’s study. The twelfth time that he had mopped the floor. The third time he vacuumed the air for foreign pathogens. He had spent most of the past three months holed up in the library with Twilight only leaving to fetch groceries and keep their friends informed about her health. The girls had tried after the first week of Twilight’s isolation to get her to come outside. It all ended the same for the next month and a half.
They would try things ranging from trying new dresses for the Gala to helping at the farm. Taking care of animals and contributing to organizing parties. Even Rainbow Dash had decided to invite her to a museum. Granted, it was a Wonderbolt museum but, it still counted as learning according to the cyan mare. Nothing worked, though, she still uses the same excuse ever time.
“I can’t leave now, what if the Princess comes to check up on me? Or if she sends a reply through regular mail and I’m not here to answer immediately? Sorry girls, I just can’t today.” Twilight would say before going back inside to study or write another letter to the Princess.
Spike couldn’t leave her alone, so he stayed back as well. If she had been left alone, then he would find her starving and unconscious on the ground. It had happened before in Canterlot before they came to Ponyville. It was the time when he had decided to attend a show with their old friends and visit Shining Armor. It was only for three days but, it was three days that Twilight had ignored eating, sleeping, bathing, and getting fresh air. He found her passed out from exhaustion and lack of nutrition. It was the last time he would leave her alone unless fully prepared.
Twilight strolled in with a book hiding her face and sat down at her desk that had several other tomes opened or bookmarked. “Spike, take a letter.” She said, her eyes were not leaving the surface of the book.
“Twilight, you aren’t sending her another one are you? This letter is the fifth one within the past hour. I can’t even imagine what you even have to tell her that you didn’t already tell her twenty minutes ago.” He responded as he reluctantly took out the quill and paper.
“Please, Spike. I just want to make sure she received my last letter. I mean what if when you sent it out to her something happened that stopped the magic to arrive? Maybe that’s why she hasn’t been answering. Or, what if she has gotten them but, is too swamped actually to read them? Or, what if somepony intercepted them and was burning them?” she started to panic again.
It had become a daily thing these days, she would ask Spike to take a letter, and he would try to talk some sense into the mare. She would then proceed to list various ways in which the letters might not have arrived which, prompted her to have panic attacks. Spike knew better than to get her riled up any further and decided this would be the last time he would try talking her out of it.
“Ok Twilight, I get it.” He put quill to paper and looked at the pile of nerves that was his pony sister. “I’m ready when you are.”
“Thank you, Spike.” She proceeded to clear her throat and began the letter.
“Dear Princess Celestia, It’s your faithful student Twilight Sparkle. Again. I don’t know whether or not you received my last letter or any of the other 457 but, I am sending this one to you in regards to the lessons I have learned thus far just in case.” She started before sitting back down.
Twilight looked out the window to see the Moon and stars in their full glory and wondered where the time had gone again. She looked at the clock on the wall and noticed it was close to midnight. She didn’t care; sleep rarely came to her these days as her time was filled with books and letters and more books and more letters. She became aware that Spike was still waiting for her to continue, so she began again.
“I have learned that friends are there for you no matter the situation. Despite our differences, my friends have understood that sometimes I need some time alone. Especially, when furthering my studies on friendship. Though because of this, I am starting to realize that my views are somewhat returning to how they were before I came to Ponyville.”
Spike stopped writing for second and looked at her for a minute. She didn’t stop talking thinking he was still writing.
“I have an idea as to why this is happening but, I can’t blame anypony except myself. I feel that I must have failed you somewhere along the line these past three months. Otherwise, I have no way of actually explaining why I have not gotten a reply from you during this time frame.” She continued.
Spike put down the quill and paper and started to walk over to her. He noticed that she had gone back to staring outside. The clock was two till and still she kept going with the letter.
“I know that the girls are trying their best to get me to join them once again but, I can’t get it out of my mind that I don’t deserve them as friends. I keep thinking that because you haven’t replied, I’m nothing but a failure. Where did I go wrong Princess? How could I have come so far and yet fail to grow at all? Why is it that I can’t get these thoughts out of my head? Why aren’t you answering any of my letters?” she choked on the last question and started to cry.
Spike closed the distance in an instant and wrapped his tiny arms around the mare. She hugged him back and kept crying. He began to cry as well at this point. He cried for his sister going through such anguish over a simple reply. He cried that he couldn’t do anything to make it better. He cried because she cried, and they kept hugging each other. It was midnight; the clock struck, and they pulled apart wiping the tears away.
Spike led her to bed and away from the room that had been her makeshift bedroom for the past month and a half. He tucked her in and wiped away the rest of her tears. He turned off the lights and opened the curtains to let the moon shine inside. It calmed her down and let her sleep. Whether it was a peaceful sleep she would never say and he would never know. Spike went to the study and picked up a clean piece of paper and took a freshly ink-dipped quill.
“Dear Princess Celestia, I hate you.”
So I got the idea from a song I've been listening to for a while now. This one to be precise:
The way I see it is that Twilight thinks it would bother Celestia further if she just showed up at Canterlot. With no replies being received she has no idea as to whether or not she is actually welcomed there. She has no way of knowing whether she would be able to meet the princess or be turned away at the gate. With that going through her mind she sticks to just writing the letters.
Thank you for reading and let me know what all of you think in the comments.
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Quite impressive. Are you going to continue the tale, maybe using hillbe's clever suggestion?
7009476
7009221
Well, it really is just a one-shot kind of story. Though I do have something along the lines of such a plot but, it involves different characters completely. I might continue it if it receives enough positive feedback.
There's only one reason I can think of why Princess Celestia hasn't been answering. Something bad must've happened to her.
7010452
Well, that is certainly a possibility, however, my whole thought process for the story is that Celestia did receive the letters and read them as well but, never bothered replying.
For once, I'm not sure what to think. The potential of the story is very interesting. I mean, having Twilight being suddenly blocked by Celestia and trying her best to understand what happened or if something happened at all. And all the time, keeping the reader from knowing the reason, allowing a strong identification with Twilight.
To be honest, the concept is so awesome to me I'm kicking myself for having never thought of it. It makes a perfect parallel with the teenagers' tendency to interact with social media, making a huge deal out of a change of status or the lack of immediate answer and such.
But when it comes to the execution... please understand that I'm giving you my opinion in the hope it might help you. Otherwise, ignore anything I'm going to say. I'm not even in any real position to "give advice" on a story.
First: the tone transition felt very abrupt. The whole beginning was pretty joyful with many little jokes here and there and I guess you had the intention to make a good contrast with the ending, But the transition happens just after Twilight explains something about her friends and how she herself is going back to thinking the way she used to, and then comes:
The "this is happening" instinctively refers to "I'm going back to thinking the way I used to" and I imagine you wanted to show to the reader she is revealing the true reason of her sadness. Yet as a reader, I needed more hints or information to really understand what was going on. I blocked there because I was trying to find out how failing Celestia could have any impact on her relationship with her friends. Even now I'm not sure to fully understand how the whole situation began.
If you had told me at the beginning that the situation had begun since Twilight had sent a letter to Celestia, even as a hidden hint, I would have probably understood the whole thing better. I could have made the connection or even just discovered the hint through a second reading...
Second: I admit it, I simply don't understand Spike's last words for Celestia. It's not bad. I like the attitude you are giving him. But as much as I always enjoy someone having the balls to speak his mind to someone else (even more when that someone else is incredibly powerful), I can't sympatize with the feeling. I mean, I have no reason to think Celestia did anything wrong. I would have understood if it came from Twilight, but Spike is shown through the whole story as reasonable, so watching him suddenly cry and hating Celestia for no apparent reason (because I still can't see any reason that was given to me) is pretty weird. I guess you wanted to have him react because he would hate to see Twilight in such a state, but you never showed he didn't realize there is little reason to blame Celestia. In fact, you showed him in more of a "Seriously Twilight, you're taking this whole thing too seriously" attitude. Like in lesson zero.
In both cases, what I'm saying is that I would have needed more information to fully understand what you wanted to say and make me feel.
Basically an information about the fact Twilight had sent a letter at the very beginning of the whole thing and an information explaining Spike's reaction. Maybe some hints that the situation is hard for him to endure. Or more details on his reactions through the story, showing how Twilight's state is affecting him. A few adjectives here and there, in a gradation through the story.
I mean, just before the transition from the fun tone to the sad tone, you write:
There is no indication that Spike is weary, or worried, or tired. You do say it's going to be the last time, so there is that idea of giving up, but it's more in a "there is no point in talking to a stone wall" way than a "I can't stand what his happening to my friend" way.
Well, those are the two main points I wanted to give you. It's just my opinion, maybe everybody else will tell you there is no problem whatsoever, but that's how I "lived" reading your story. A lot of good idea and a heck of a good concept, but a lack of information that prevented me from staying invested in what was happening.
I truly hope you won't take my remarks too badly. My precedent experiences tend to show it's a bad idea to try to offer criticism on someone else's story...
7010868
Well, damn man. I seriously didn't think anyone would analyze the story this much. Though since you did I can say that I really appreciate it. I understand where you are coming from as far as more information is needed. I wanted to re-write the story so many times before having it post but, in the end, decided against it. I mean, it's really supposed to be a one-shot kind of story with few details. I wanted to entertain while showing my views as to how Twilight might respond to Celestia simply not answering. I do get that I ended it without explaining much of Spike's views but, I wanted this mainly for Twilight. I might re-write it at some point in the future but, right now I have several other short stories along with Paradox Scholar to work on. Not to mention research for Scholar is taking some time. In the end, though, if I happen to have some free time I'll work on the re-write and maybe make it into a full-length story. Thanks for reading it and your comment.
Good story, nicely written.
But...
It makes me wonder why Twilight wouldn't be just as concerned if something might have happened to her since she isn't replying to her.
7010995
Well, my thoughts on that part are that Twilight knows the Princess is fine since the Sun keeps rising and no one has come to tell her that Celestia is in trouble then she must still be fine. In my head since lesson zero, it seems like Twilight has way too many insecurities that it clouds her mind. The usually panic mode she has would be curbed a bit since lesson zero but, that doesn't mean it gets rid of anxiety and racing thoughts that I think she already has in the first place. Again, thanks for reading and these comments are really starting to make me want to re-write it/ make it a full story.
7010512 Okay. I'm curious about why not.
7014663
Well, the way I see it is that with the tasks of taking care of a nation, politics, treaties and keeping track of possible dangers. Friendship reports would really not be as important when you think about it. I mean, if you kept getting a letter each and every time on a weekly basis then I would think it would get old real quick. The fact that in "Lesson Zero" she tells them to send a report when it happens just leads me to believe that it really isn't at the top of her list to respond. I mean if the only times she contacts Twilight is to inform her of big events or incoming evil then it just makes me think she doesn't respond otherwise.
7014826 Okay. While I don't agree with you there, it does make sense.
In the show, Celestia only writes Twilight when she has to. She seldom sends replies unless they're necessary. That said, I would think that Celestia, unless she is away dealing with diplomatic duties, would have wrote something before the first twenty. Even then, unless she had no way of receiving a letter or for some reason unable to send a reply, she would have written her back after the fiftieth one. Now, over four hundred and fifty letters lately and STILL no response? What the hell is Celestia waiting for? Letters or visits from Twilight's friends/family to rip her a new one and/or kick her flank all the way to Ponyville?