OriginEclipse99
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I lime this story
6905617
You may lime it, but I lemon it.
Don't skip English class.
6906001
Truer words have never been spoken.
I completely support this story.
I get the feeling it is supposed to be Sombra, but then it´s a bit weird for me, I mean to see how he´s probably going to be the bad guy later. That is if you find a way to let your character live that long, or we just have a nice slice of life kind of story.
I think I could say it went to easy, but today I´m alright with that.
Maybe you should not chose to many coincidences between those two, and maybe don´t make his past to sad, from the hero I mean.
I think that maybe it looked for some people like he would go into the direction of a Gary Stue, but the only think I want to complain about now, are that they seems to have lived through the same past in a way. (I hope that sentence makes sense. I still learn my grammar)
I like it so far, but I wait for a few more chapters before I vote anything, till now you would get an upvote.
He maybe had an easy time learning about his new body, but I don´t mind it, overall I really liked the chapter, and this story is honestly really interessting in his own way.
It is not perfect right now, but it feels right for me. I just add the comments I made while I had time to read at work.
Why does he think, he would be exactly good at that? ------ I later noticed he just had some advanced Weapon ideas from him being a former Human.
I don´t really know how old he is, or how old his new boss is, but I´m kind of interessted in her being his future romance option, but of course this would have to take some time, and should not be rushed.
Not sure if the sex tag is for the language, or because of future scenes, but please don´t let the sex be overused, in a way I think that could even make the story bad.
that somehow sounds like you forgot an "?", but I´m not perfect in my own grammar.
I think you maybe could use an editor, but I really like the story.
About Sombras father:
Okay, I guess he isn´t allowed to have Sombra growing up in the Castle because the world doesn´t like him yet.
About the main Char:
To be honest I thought they would think of him as special in a way, of Origin Eclipse if he is really the bat Pony type.
I give you a thumb up, even if it isn´t perfect, this story is still really nice to read.
sometiems I think it is only because of the time I that I read it, which makes it a bit weird somettimes, but at the same time it was pretty nice suprise.
.......................................I guess it has o happen in some storys.
Not only because of the romance part, but I don´t like it, that the story suddenly ignores his new job. I would have wished he told her about it, or maybe he is meeting her sooner or later again?
At least she doesn´t seems to hate him, well I still like this story, but you probably need an editor.
...Um. You, like, really, really need an editor, brah.
I have no idea if I really understand it or not, but it looks like the main Char couldn´t even say if the ponys where treaten the wrong way or not, because "suddenly" slavery.
Some thing in this story seems to happen to fast, and to sudden.
Not sure what I miss here, but it doesn´t looks complete. However I like it, that it looks like there was some kind of false accusation.
I would like it if he still has the right to own the throne if he should be able to tell them about everything, but if he doesn´t want to have it anymore that would be okay.
I could say a bit more, but nothing to important, and since I don´t feel like it right now, I just wait what you are going to do first. With the story, or which questions you maybe have about my comment.
I know this story has its faults and I realize it, thank you to those that point them out. Since you tell me what seems wrong I can go threw and fix it eventually. I won't go back to fix something unless its completely wrong or makes no sense at all. I am going to finish the story and then I will be re-doing it to fix all of my mistakes major and minor. Thanks to all those who read, like and comment it helps a lot. Long live the Crystal Empire
Oh...
Well it's been a great story so far!
I forgot how long he was trapped in stone.
I´m tired right now, but I feel like you could have described the situation a bit better.
Okay sorry the episode with Cadance is exactly one I haven´t seen completely, at least I don´t remember it completely.
I´m confused about who the ponys (white Unicorn =shining Armor?) Pink Mare (Pinkie Pie?/Cadance?) purple Unicorn(Ttwilight?)
If it is really thousand years, why did he thought the one Pony Pony in the libary was still allive?
Not much, but you should probably make him react to, like how he is hesitating maybe.
Not bad, I liked that chapter.
That actually suprised me
and now I´m kind of dissapointed.
I really don´t remember what they did with the Empire in the show, but he is usually talking with Ponys, that should be probably already dead.
I stop for now, I hope I don´t forgett to add the rest of the comment later, I read the rest at work if I have the time.
sometimes I think there is a lack of reaction from some characters, or not enough emotion if some give an answer.
Then I´m not sure how much he likes Soarin, but he seems to have no problem at all with three Ponys being after him, but I´m not sure if I really can say something there. I can´t really tell you why, but some moments are rather odd to me for some reason.
I think some stuff just happense, and the others aren´t really racting enough.
Not sure if I said it already, but I think even if I don´t know what exactly happened with the Crystal Empire, he seems to talk to dead Ponys, or Ponys that should be dead.
I like I said, I try to make this comment out of the memorie, from stuff I had read at work today, I could look at my notes again, but there wasn´t much that I haven´t said already.
Normally I´m for all that is a bit different, but I think for him I would like to get either Rainbow Dash, or Spitfire. However I like to think, that Rainbow actually is confident in herself, but in other stuff like a relationship, that there is much that could unnerve her. That is, if they should go a bit further into the relationship, where she can´t just make a show.
edit: I´m not sure right now, but I think one or two of them should have even reacted to him being a prince as well. I think it actually looked like he wasn´t something important, to those who knew he was a prince.
this is so much fun i cant wait to see more
Chrysalis, you're barking up the wrong tree.
6905617 I apple this story
First date seems to be going well
...I love it
Look out! We got a bad ass over here
I like it keep it up
Why did you cancel the story
it was good
bring it back
The story is not dead it is just being rewritten and changed. The first chapter is up on fanfiction.net but I have not wrote as much as I use to, I just lost my will to write. Dont fret it will come back and prepare for a wave of new chapters. Sorry to those who loved this story, the new one will be based in the past 1000 years before the element bearers. The new story is very different like my OC being named shadow instead but for a good reason. I will post the new story and keep it going so just stay strong and be patient please.
OK tells use when it is out.
sombra is now best pony...
7315004
I just found this story but I still really like it and want to see were it's going but I'm glad it's not dead just being rewritten.
The second I saw there wasnt anymore chapters my mind screamed 'GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!' While I just whispered 'fuck.'
Awesome story man I like how you figured sombra is I like your thinking!!
Is he bi?
............No
https://goo.gl/images/4eaMH2