being rewritten Human brought to equestria with no idea wear he is and meets young Sombra and make each other adoptive brothers until the king finds out then the princess
He maybe had an easy time learning about his new body, but I don´t mind it, overall I really liked the chapter, and this story is honestly really interessting in his own way. It is not perfect right now, but it feels right for me. I just add the comments I made while I had time to read at work.
"Hey does this empire have a blacksmith around here" I asked as we turned down a street leading to what I guessed is town square.
Why does he think, he would be exactly good at that? ------ I later noticed he just had some advanced Weapon ideas from him being a former Human.
"Kid if you can keep new ideas coming you have a job I will even show you the ropes so you can help make them" she said holding a hoof out I happily took it and shook.
I don´t really know how old he is, or how old his new boss is, but I´m kind of interessted in her being his future romance option, but of course this would have to take some time, and should not be rushed.
Not sure if the sex tag is for the language, or because of future scenes, but please don´t let the sex be overused, in a way I think that could even make the story bad.
"Welcome to your new job ready to get started by the way I'm Ember Alloy" she said walking into the back.
that somehow sounds like you forgot an "?", but I´m not perfect in my own grammar.
I think you maybe could use an editor, but I really like the story.
About Sombras father:
Okay, I guess he isn´t allowed to have Sombra growing up in the Castle because the world doesn´t like him yet. About the main Char: To be honest I thought they would think of him as special in a way, of Origin Eclipse if he is really the bat Pony type.
I give you a thumb up, even if it isn´t perfect, this story is still really nice to read.
6905617
You may lime it, but I lemon it.
Don't skip English class.
6906001
Truer words have never been spoken.
I completely support this story.
He maybe had an easy time learning about his new body, but I don´t mind it, overall I really liked the chapter, and this story is honestly really interessting in his own way.
It is not perfect right now, but it feels right for me. I just add the comments I made while I had time to read at work.
Why does he think, he would be exactly good at that? ------ I later noticed he just had some advanced Weapon ideas from him being a former Human.
I don´t really know how old he is, or how old his new boss is, but I´m kind of interessted in her being his future romance option, but of course this would have to take some time, and should not be rushed.
Not sure if the sex tag is for the language, or because of future scenes, but please don´t let the sex be overused, in a way I think that could even make the story bad.
that somehow sounds like you forgot an "?", but I´m not perfect in my own grammar.
I think you maybe could use an editor, but I really like the story.
About Sombras father:
Okay, I guess he isn´t allowed to have Sombra growing up in the Castle because the world doesn´t like him yet.
About the main Char:
To be honest I thought they would think of him as special in a way, of Origin Eclipse if he is really the bat Pony type.
I give you a thumb up, even if it isn´t perfect, this story is still really nice to read.