• Member Since 29th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Aburi


I do a bit of writing when I can, which is not often. I'm also willing to proofread and edit, so don't be afraid to contact me!

T

Fero, Sam, and Amber are between a rock and certain death. But when their only hope for escape from an impossible situation lands them in a new world, the trio must discover how to get back home to the friends they left behind. But do the ends justify the means?

~~~~~

Special thanks to ChaosLavaWolf from DA for the fantastic cover art!

Also - This is my first attempt at writing, so please criticize and comment freely!

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 22 )

Special thanks to Peroth E. for giving me encouragement and some early criticisms!

If you haven't read any of Peroth's work I highly recommend it!

cant wait for the next chapter when is it? :twilightsmile:

701102 The next chapter is written and undergoing the final touch ups, I expect to post it later this week.

Umm...
You do realize that a crossover typically occurs between two pieces of media that have already been written, right?

702794 Hrm... I had thought the crossover tag was to reference a cross of two unrelated stories. Do you feel that because one of them is unpublished that the crossover tag is inappropriate?

704159
Yes. While a crossover is between two unrelated stories, they are normally done with two already established universes.
People looking to read a crossover typically are interested in seeing ponies interact with a story in which they are at least peripherally aware of.
Of course all this is merely a technical opinion. If you prefer it be marked crossover feel free.

704352
Technical opinion or not, I think you're right.... Darnit... I wish I had something to balance out that "Human" tag, The human aspect is not a very large aspect of how I want the story to go, but I have even less justification for any other tag... :raritydespair:

Oh well, I've removed the tag. I'll see how it goes. Thanks for the input :pinkiehappy:

new chapter yay cant wait for the next

An interesting tale so far. I like the quirkiness of the translation spell, but I might suggest using it for any length of time would be headache inducing. Getting that much information all at once would lead to weird dreams if nothing else.

On how to tag the story... I'd probably go more with the 'crossover' tag than the 'human' one myself. So far there hasn't been a single pure human, and the multi-dimensional aspect seems to fit in with 'crossover' in a lot of ways. 'Adventure' might be another possibility given the high profile individuals already involved.

Story flow has been good so far, characterization has little trouble, grammar looked good enough that I never stumbled over it. I would probably have given better hints on the ultimate problem to be revealed by now, but you might have had good reason to stretch that out.

I was surprised they didn't call on Miss Doo to help with translation. Being both familiar with the spell and lacking powerful state secrets to accidentally reveal.. I can just imagine the nuances that would come with introducing Princess Luna, aka Ruler of the Night, aka Nightmare Moon, aka Sister of the Sun...

830772 Thank you for the feedback! :pinkiehappy:

It's good to hear that I'm getting at least close to getting the characters right, especially from someone so well read.

As for the lack of foreshadowing, I'm afraid the reason for that is that I'm simply not very good at it... :fluttershysad: Finding that balance of not enough and too much is something I'm still learning.

You are exactly right about the stress involved with sustaining the translation spell, I expect Twilight to be feeling it soon!:twilightoops:

Princesses immediately detect inbound teleportation 1 mile high.
Stand around just talking while newcommers plummet into the ground.
Ineffectual equestrian government at its finest. :trollestia:

830772 Well, wouldn't crossover apply more to games and movies and books in real life? That's the only use I've seen of the "crossover" tag so far.

On another note, I'm liking the way the story is playing out so far. Very interesting premise I must say. :moustache: Keep up the good work on it!

839913
The story originally had the crossover tag, until someone pointed out that exact thing. :twilightsheepish:

And thank you for reading and the compliment! :pinkiehappy:

"He knew that he could carry his three friends well past the fighting,"
There are better terms that will aid flow. far from/away from/ beyond,out of range
these are by no means better...just suggestions.

"However, it was neither her size nor her appearance the anyone noticed about her."

*that

"tell the division captain on duty to meet me in the west conference room."
you can leave that out. He's obviously on duty if he's available to be hailed for report.

:moustache: I don't wanna comb all over this just yet. I want to enjoy it first. pm me if you want to request help with anything. :raritywink:

"Sam had balanced himself well enough that he was comfortable on two legs or four, and was had long since mastered the art of knowing exactly what posture was the most intimidating at any given time. "

:twilightoops:
:twilightsheepish: I do the same thing at times...

891670

Thanks for catching those errors. My proofreader is awesome, but even he cannot catch all the mistakes I make. :twilightblush:

Also thank you for the alternate wording suggestion there - I think I will use one of those. :twilightsmile:

893758 This story could really use an adventure tag. Because that's what's really cracking up to be.:moustache:

894355
Yea, I'll be adding it with the next chapter - Unfortunately employment is hampering my writing time, it's still in the draft stages... :twilightsheepish:

Edit: Ok, Employment and a unhealthy case of writers block :pinkiesick:

894370

:moustache: You are not alone in that regard. :raritydespair: ugh!

Tell you what! :raritystarry:

here's how to get out of the funk.

When you have the time, read a good book from a genre or on a subject you don't usually read into. Then go for a quick walk outside.

ply your plot and ideas and visualize the interactions of your characters in as lifelike a manner as possible. Imagine them as friends or acquaintances that act naturally around each other. This is the best way motives can be brought to the forefront,but conveyed subtly.:moustache:

Also, listen to good music that you haven't heard before.

try some classical:
Carmina Burana Excerpts

I have to say that I am wholly enjoying this story so far. Should you ever continue it, you have another reader. :twilightsmile:

As to what I like about it, you have a great grasp on how to portray a tuon, as the beginning just sucked me right in. You also have a fantastic grasp on characterization on both the established characters and your OCs. I can easily tell who is who just from how you describe them and how they speak. Bravo, my friend!

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