A Behemoth in Equestria (cancelled)

by Fanskapet

something forgotten

Author's Note:

this is not a new chapter but something I found hidden somewhere on the computer

a few months ago I must've made it but I guess I let you guys decide if it is worth making a complete remake more serious and such

or someday actually create a remake that is very much alike the cancelled story but well not as terrible

Pain, that word doesn't even begin to describe what I felt when I woke up. It felt like every millimeter of my body had been beaten for hours by a hammer, I couldn’t move, I didn't want to move, gasping for breath for a moment before i even had the energy to open my eyes, blinking at the strong sunlight shining right in my eyes, groaning as i raised my big purple arm to block the light..... big puple clawed arm?
"huh?"
I stared at the purple arm ending in some kind of clawed hand, at what had been my hand for atleast 37 years. slowly flexing what seemed to be my fingers, couldn't help to give a small laugh, mostly out of panic and confusion but still a laugh.
"ehehe this is so wrong"
i gave a nervous laugh, turning my hand around giving it another flex before letting it fall to the ground next to me, looking around the clearing i was in, pretty sure i was not in that old ruin anymore, either i teleported and morphed or i come upon some hallucinogenic gas.

taking a deep breath and turning over so i laid on my stomach instead, turning around in surprise as i saw something in my perifal vision.

"who goes huh wait i what?" turning around again before i saw it, just a tail, my tail..... i got a tail! a nice long purple tail ending in what looked like some sort of fin standing up in an awkward position to see it better, turning my upper body around setting my rear legs firm on the ground.

"............uhu, okay Janus seems you you are big, purple have a tail and it seems you got horns." i said to myself, it had always worked well for me to calm myself by saying aloud to myself what is going on, still giving a small smile as i looked up at my big black horns curving forwards, weird since all the horns i knew about are white, well except demon horns.......

shaking that thought from my mind and giving the area around me another look.
trees trees and more trees, a big snow tipped mountain to the north and i am standing in a crater atleast one or two meters deep, which obviosly means i fell from the sky, that explains the sore body that also means anyone close to this forest would have seen my fall and might be making their way towards this place and will only find a big purple horned creature.

"shit!" i spat as i scrambled out of the crater on all four, quickly making my way towards

Comments

[Krazyfan1]

thsi IS a good Story.
dont stop it just because you think its bad.
give it another shot...

[Bazing]

Dude I think you should keep writing this. I can help with any editing if you need

[Fanskapet]

5576635
good to hear lol
still I will never understand why people read this story is behemoths just the most loveable creature in mlp fandom?

so should I restart it from scratch with the uh third person perspective or like the weird little tease I did long ago with the first person?

[rikithemonk]

Not a bad story for a beginning writer.

I would say well done and if it weren't canceled, I would very much be interested in reading more.

As for the earlier responses, here is something I wrote once that I think pertains to this.

The Monk

Writing As An Art By The Monk

People forget that writing is an art, just like oil painting or playing a guitar. No one puts out a masterpiece when they first start out. It takes practice to improve. A lot of wasted paper, a lot of wasted canvas, a lot of wasted guitar pics. You don't improve unless you practice. Don't let negative feedback o0r fear of criticism get you down. Write more and often. Don't modify your work so you can see your improvement. By deleting your old work, you have nothing to compare your new work to. This is bad when you think your writing sucks because without your older work to compare it to, you cant see the improvement for yourself.

Just a few things I thought I would share.

[Fanskapet]

10753194
always nice to hear but i just got less motivated for this story after a while. and no i wont delete this old one since theres enough of people liking it even as it is cancelled and well if anyone wanna continue it or remake it anyone is free to do it