Oldnew Luna
written by arandompenguin
Sequel
This is the end of Oldnew Luna. Please check out the sequel (Click the Image)
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690386 Oh oh! I know why! It's because you're stupid!
You call them "speech marks" in the same sentence that you say you're not sure why you don't use them to show speech...
There is no intelligent explanation for that statement. Several reasonable explanations for not having used quotation marks to denote speech.... but none for that sentence.
ps. Yes, I'm bothering to write a scathing review, not of your story, but of your comment.
Now to read the story!!
1241313
Yeah, I really have no idea why I didn't use quotation marks but I was gradually beat out of it by Mossflower. I now use them for denoting speech. Hope you like the story.
1241740
Yeah, but you're going to be staying in Canterlot Castle, you never know when you're going to need clothes.
"Soon to be proofread and edited by Brony2893" - Is the story changing AT ALL or is he/she just fixing grammar and spelling? if its about to actually be altered by Brony2893 i will wait until he/she is done.
1242206
Well... He edited the first three chapters and the extract, and then he just sort of didn't do anymore. I'm not sure if he's going to do anymore but I'll keep that up just in case. As for what he edited, it was mostly just small grammatical mistakes.
1242237 ok, will read then. doubt i will need more then two days to read. so i doubt he will change things for me in those two days. thanks for answering. some authors don't care and i never get around to reading there work.
1242260
I try to reply to every comment, hope you like the story.
1242477
He rolled with the best
This story has been Kozak approved.
1244372 In my personal headcanon, they don't like things going to waste so when a cow dies of natural causes, they are used for various things, (not meat though, their dead meat is given to the earth) one such use is leather.
1245442
Wow, thanks for all the feedback! I'm sorry I can't reply to each one of your comments individually but I did read them and have taken them into account. I'm not sure if I'm going to go back and edit anything (I'm really lazy sorry, but I hope I will) but I will definitely try to not do any of these mistakes again.
1243032
They're going with the theory of 'hiding in plain sight' in which, if you walk around and act like nothing is different, people won't notice anything. It may seem weird but believe me, it works.
You REALLY need an good editor. It is a nice story but... It was a major chore to read.
Chores are not enjoyable. Improper spacing, -0- indention, loads of grammatical errors, poor sentence structure, and lastly... rabid OOC. Seriously, most of them had the same character.
Oh and,
IT'S "SPUN" NOT "SPAN"!!!! SPUN IS THE PAST TENSE OF SPIN!!!
EVERY TIME I SAW THAT IT WAS LIKE SOMEONE PUNCHED ME IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD!!
1245788 Sorry, I am supposed to have an editor but he sort of stopped working.
1245800 Yeah, my migraine might be effecting my judgment.
1246603
Yeah, I've had people say that to me a couple of times in the past over here. In my head-canon, everyone speaks like a Briton
1246655
Thanks for pointing those out, I'll go fix them now. Also, yeah I was in a hurry.
1246780 Whoops, thanks for pointing that out.
Great story, my only complaint is the format you use (giant wall of text block/paragraoh/things). Other than that it was a great story. You might wanna pick up a prereader to reduce the strain on yourself when you double check for errors too.
1250229 The editing is mostly for small grammatical errors or plotholes
Good story, but, seriously? It took me almost 2 hours to read all of the chapters! And I read really fast! Please, for the love of God, get a freakin' editor!!!
1252265
Really sorry, I am supposed to have an editor but he hasn't done anything in a long time. I'm thinking of getting someone else.
1254421
Whoops, I thought I had gone through and changed all the numbers out... Ah well, better check again. I'll change those 'Ok's too, I knew they seemed weird when I was writing them.
1256736
Don't worry, I plan on there being conflict when they go back to Canterlot.
1254519
Whoops, I'll go change those when I get back.
1258679???
wut?
1262932
Two of the smartest ponies in Equestria? Simple for them isn't so for us.
1264143
Thanks for pointing that out,I'll go fix it now.
Very interesting story, great job!
1263807 gotcha, just had to look at what comment u where replying to
1287752
Everypony knows her as her season 2 form from Nightmare Night, most of them won't associate her with Luna. Also, she's utilizing the idea of 'hiding in plain sight' if you don't try to hide something, people won't look for it.
1293882
She's employing the age old technique of hiding in plain sight. If you don't try to hide the fact you're an alicorn, people won't be looking for it and won't notice it.
1302213 Thanks, I've alwas wanted the show to go into more depth on how magic works but I guess since it is a kids show, they can't really go into that much detail.
1315511
This is set after Nightmare Night (but before the finale) so everypony in Ponyville remembers Luna as she was on that night, as opposed to the form they saw her in for a short time several months prior to that.
Also, I'm really stupid, I was supposed to write 'mare and mare relationship involving royalty' but I kinda forgot to add that last bit in. Thanks for pointing that out, I've fixed it now.
1317735
I very much enjoy the premise of the story, it's rather original. However... I would like to see you revisit and completely re-write this when you've had a bit more experience and familiarity with the fanfiction scene. The entire tone of the story is rushed, and follows the common mistake of telling the reader what's going on instead of showing. Along with the shorthand, skipping immersive details, adding bits of text that are obviously out of synch with the flow of the story, and collapsing a great deal of events together rather than elaborating on them.
I feel that with more experience, you could truly make this a vision that shares itself with each reader on a deep and mystical level, easily becoming one of the most successful Twiluna fanfictions out there, despite the stiff competition.
1318164
Thanks, I've always wanted to go back and just write everything again, but I don't think I have it in me at the moment. I've sorta reached a point where all my free time is taken up by work-related stuff so I don't know how long it will be before everything gets fixed. But I really hope to come back to this and really rework it. Thanks for the feedback.
1318383
That's a very wise way to look at it. Doesn't matter how long it takes, but when the stars align you should be able to turn this into one of those massive epics that gets everyone talking about the type of fanfic it is. Here's to luck in finding a lot of free time to grow as a writer and absolutely wow us with the results!
1319361
Thanks!
1347646 Glad I could help!
1347296 thank you
1245788
this. This comment right there. Please, listen to him.
I really really want to like your story, the plot and the premise and all are great and the ideas and such. But oh god the ooc-ness and the sentence structure. Also I'm not 100% sure, but I think you've got some "show don't tell" issues.
... the result is that I find myself reading the story, stopping it, picking it up again and repeat the whole process.
1420357 Indeed, I really want to go back and edit this, and I hope to at one point in the future. Unfortunately at the moment I barely have enough time to write a short 2500 word chapter a week. So you may have to wait until I've finished all my exams and such. I'm sorry, I do listen to peoples feedback and I certainly agree my story needs one hell of a reworking, but it will have to wait.
1429638 Thanks, I think this chapter is the only one to be proofread by three people (myself included) I did have an editor but he quit after about 4 chapters, and then I got another one and she quit after the first chapter. So after this chapter you're only seeing the revisions from me and my first editor, and after chapter 4 you'll only see my own revisions. Sorry. I am planning to try and get another editor again sometime soon. Just wanted to prepare you for possible mistakes in the later chapters. I hope you continue to read this, thanks. Oh! And the chapters after chapter 2 get longer.
1432646 Apparently HayHooves thought of Starswirl the Bearded as somepony like Gandalf, old but still young and mischievous at heart, and maybe a bit of Cave Johnson mixed in too.
1527974 N.B. stands for nota bene, which is Latin for 'note well' which basically means that you should take note of the following text.
Very nice fic. I'm on to read the sequel now. Twiluna is just the best.
I had to laugh here:
Celestia asked, a flash of confusion appearing on her face, but it was banished before anyone could tell if it was ever really there.
Loving this, side wondering if Earth Ponies can use the Elemental items, cause if so Pinkie just Pinkie...
WHOHOO! Onto the next!
1617744 Thanks, I've fixed that now.
1645876 When he commented, it was as he said, I derped slightly, but now its fixed. Also, yeah, I couldn't be bothered to come up with my own names so I just used some well known ones from our Universe. It has nothing to do with humans or anything.
1887700 It's up to you, if you would prefer to make a review based on what you've read thus far, it's fine with me.