- Member Since 17th Aug, 2015
- offline last seen April 7th
BlueColton
Watched the show. Joined the herd. Ponies on the mind. Veteran fanfic writer. ProfileArt provided by CoutnessMRose: https://www.deviantart.com/countessmrose/art/The-Well-859294420
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Holy shit.
This is the scariest thing I have ever read on fimfiction. EVER.
It's also pretty sad. I kinda wished that at the end he somehow convinced them to 'teach him the ways of friendship' so he would survive. Maybe some sort of sequel that features that I guess? I dunno. Just throwing random crap out there...
EDIT: Added spoiler tagsss
6585119 Thanks, Twilight. Appreciate it. Naw, that ending never would have worked. I like horror stories that instill a sense of hopelessness. Knowing that everything won't turn out well is part of the appeal of Grim Dark fiction.
6585936
Yeah. The ending would suck if you were in his shoes.
Imagine getting eaten over and over again, only to be healed over and over again.
6585949 Vengeance is cold, my friend.
6586046
Naw.
Vengeance is just painful.
This story is what happens when H. P. Lovecraft watches My Little Pony, has a nightmare, and then writes it all down.
Well done, author. Well done.
7182464 Thank you. Though i think i was going for a more Stephen King approach.
SPOILERS AHEAD!
If you haven't read the story and you're browsing comments, GO BACK UP THERE AND READ IT (PLZ) or else you'll miss out on one of the best and most terrifying dark horrors on fimfiction
I'm legitimately scared to read this and the story hasn't even started... O.o
This is actually a legitimate reason that the main character didn't buy a map. He had been angered by the shopkeeper, so he wasn't willing to listen.
And now that I've read the whole story, the first read-through, i did read over that line about seeing "yellow" in his eyes. And I thought and thought "who could that be?" and then dismissed it. And at the end it made sense. And here's what even more ironic: I wrote that EXACT clue in a story of mine in the last week to hint at the character's true nature. STILL DIDN'T GET IT XD
Before I read the whole story: Please don't be foreshadowing, please don't be foreshadowing... O.o
After I read the whole story: Well...it definitely wasn't EXACTLY right... :/
Anything like this makes me nervous in horror stories. If it is foreshadowing, that's great :)
---
Decided to write the rest of this in a traditional review style, cause that's 21,000 words of story I got so engrossed in I didn't want to come back here and copy-paste key moments. :P
This story was a phenomenal nightmare. I'll be honest when I say it was hard to read a story where my favorite characters are put in antagonist roles. I pushed through that highly-uncomfortable feeling to finish what is probably one of the scariest stories I've read in a long time.
The setup with the five characters preparing was a great way to show off their friendship and help the read learn to care about them. You do an excellent job characterizing each of the main protagonists with their interactions with one another. And I'm really impressed with the hidden potential you put in Emily's character after she seemed to be in the background most of the time.
You came up with some clever ways to switch off dialogue between them, like having Beth and Tom be busy kissing while Tammy and Mike took most of the dialogue. It feels more natural to see why they switch-off speaking to one another that way.
You took care of the potential loose ends of the phones and GPS tracking so that way the characters were effectively isolated. I always felt that phones made horror stories less horrific. Good choice in disrupting them there.
I have always wondered what it would be like to see Ponyville in a real-world location. The dread you captured upon their first arrival is palpable and incredibly written. You set up the atmosphere so well that I made sure to savor that moment, because it's something I'd always wanted to see written down. I think Ponyville was perhaps one of the most terrifying creatures in this story in its own right.
Pinkie scared me so much. Mainly because she set the tone for rest of the monster encounters in the story. Before her, they hadn't met any ponies and I had no idea what to expect when it came to the monsters in this tale. She was such a nightmare in her simplicity that it set the stage for all the horror to come. I also called that Tammy was screwed the moment she excited that building.
Rainbow Dash was utterly frightening, though i had a bit of a jolt with the description of her rainbow hair. I guess it's hard for me to find the remains of her pony-self scary and yet it's the only real trait she has that makes her immediately recognizable. I also noticed that rainbow was the only character who didn't kill anyone, which made sense when there were five characters and six ponies. Well...six-ish.
When Beth and Mike started to talk to one another in Carousel Botique, I realized that this story was trying to find moments to bring the character drama back in. And honestly, though i was suprised by its inclusion, I thought it really needed it. Constant running from monsters isn't as scary unless you feel for the characters. Didn't really feel as much for Beth though. wait... (Beth, Mike, Emily, Tammy and Tom. Well, the first three names are from the horror game Until Dawn. :P )
I feel so bad for how Beth died. I mean, all of them really, but Beth was the first time I saw someone really bite the dust in the story. And the fact that it happened "off-screen" and not described is what made it even worse. That's also clever though, because you started building up the level of gore each time. Tammy is taken, but we don't see the brutality till the end of the story for her. Beth is killed near Mike but is obscured. Tom is flat-out head-smashed in front of Mike and Emily gets bisected right in front in VERY detailed description, which is even more impactful for Mike because of how much he cares about her.
There was a distinct feeling that Emily, Tom and Mike had a chance to actually survive when they were in the car. I know that, deep down, that probably wasn't going to happen, but it was a good throw-off. Poor Tom. The level of fear he felt was so horrible. I truly thought Fluttershy wasn't going to get a kill. Nice throw-off on that too. You do a wonderful job of moving back and forth between expectation and actual events, never becoming predictable. That takes a considerable amount of skill. :)
By the way, the magical way the characters were separated from each other was a wonderful idea. Shows a power greater than themselves at work against them. And that helplessness is a key part of the horror in this story (and in my opinion, in many good bits of horror fiction).
I was so worried that eating that apple was going to do something to Mike. Which was probably the feeling you may have wanted to give and then show it was a false alarm. Then again, it did alert the Applecrow(tm).
By the way, I thought it was only Applejack. When it turned out to be ALL of the Apple family as one, this was my reaction:
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/872/113/a45.png
That's awesome monster design right there.
Not only that, but I genuinely thought Emily had figured out the trick to the monsters, until she was cleaved in half. That was extremely brutal.
The flashback scene with the events happening in the past...so sad. When Spike was killed first, I think that symbolized their innocence dying. and describing how they fought back I think was very necessary but also extremely tragic. To see which ponies fought back and which tried to save others...that really hit me. And to realize that their valiant efforts to protect others resulted in the monstrosities of the story is even more tragic.
Twilight had a level of cruelty that was unheard of up until her point in the story. Geez, there is no way to fully express how extreme that ending was, but I knew once his limbs were magicked back into existence that it would not end well for him.
----
This was one hell of a story (pun intended). I knew I was in for something special when i read the description. This one caught my attention and I'd been waiting for a chance to read it. Geez...you did such a great job of subverting expectations, making a nightmarish scenario, and then providing a legitmate and heartbreaking reason for it all to exist.
Your horror stories are wonderful. I can't wait to read more of them. :)
7364002 Again your analytical skills never cease to amaze. Three marvelous reviews in one day! are you trying to set a new record?
It's funny, I put more work into this story than any other. It is my longest one shot thus far at more than twenty-thousand words. Took me more than a week to write, edit, and re-write it in time for Halloween...and it was a total flop! Almost no one reviewed it and I thought "was it really that bad?" I mean, it's not the greatest grim dark ever made but I had hoped it would garner a few more readers. I nevertheless enjoyed writing it and it looks like you did too.
Honestly, I didn't care much for the humans in my story. Isn't that something? I can't stand the thought of harming ponies but humans are no problem. Am I that demented, or not demented enough? There are writers who simply enjoy torturing and murdering ponies. I could never write a fic as gruesome as "Cupcakes" or "Something Sweet to Bite." But knocking off a few homo sapiens is okay in my book. Hell, the only time I flinched when writing my story was that flashback scene when the residents of Ponyville are massacred. That was hard. Everything else. Meh.
7364063
I totally understand how you feel about the ponies. It was HARD for me to read this because i care so much about the ponies, but the sheer strength of the work, the phenomenal writing, the encroaching dread...all of that meant I HAD to keep going.
And I could tell you worked so very hard on this. It absolutely shows, but never let the response discourage you from making more wonderful polished longer works like this. I adore them and I know a lot of readers do too. When you find that right crowd and the story starts to spread, then you realize how right you were to write it :)
Oh crap this is long AF. Takeout anyone
Wow. This might be one of the most fucked horror stories I have ever read. Hell, I didn't even mind the "horny teens in a horror movie" cliche, as the majority of the story was descriptive and genuinely creepy. Plus, "No, Tammy, I liked her"
7364263 Glad I could assist in your misery
7364291 Oh fuck you
7364263
I KNOW IT'S SUPER CREEPY RIGHT?!
I LOVE IT
And i'm genuinely afraid a little each time I think of this story now :D
7364799
7364799 I was seriously hoping that Tammy wouldn't die, she was like the nicest of the bunch
7364807
I was like "We have Emily, Mike and now Tom in the car. Tammy's pretty much dead and Beth is for-sure dead. Let's book it."
And then fooking FlutterBeast...Fooking chomped Tom
Yeah expecting happy endings in horror stories is like expecting to win the lotto without a lottery ticket. :/
7364822 When I saw that Tom and Beth were making out, I was like, "yup, those two are going to die"
7364860
Oh man you thought that too? HAH I was like "Emily is going to survive the longest and Tom will probably die first. Was wrong there on Tom, cause Tom was the one who went to investigate all cocky-like at first. And Emily knew something was wrong, so she seemed like she was going to live longer, and maybe survive. Well...first part was right...
7364877 Horror cliche 101 XD
Can't say they didn't deserve it, just as guilty as the grandparents that committed that slaughter. I'm with Ponyville on this man, screw Humanity.
7364860 Sex and horror - never a good combination.
7493339 I considered making a backstory as to how and why humans wound up in Ponyville, but then it would have taken much too long and taken away from the sense of dread I wanted to pervade in this fic. Sides, the ponies kind of got their revenge, right Pinkie?
7364822 That's irony.
On a side note, do you guys think posting this story as a single chapter might draw off some readers? Do you think shorter chapters would be better?
Or continue to get it if the fact that people keep getting directed there by Discord are any indication.
Wow. That was terrifying. I would have tried pleading much more before being eaten alive in a constant reset.
A cautionary tale at it's finest, with the predictable death of all the protaganists. I was actually rooting for Tammy, Emily and Mike to survive. It really is a shame that it's not the case. *sigh* Well written, as always. Thumbs up.
7952777 Thanks
7493339
............and may misanthropy burn in hell and be forgotten forever.
i was waiting for him to say something along the lines of "congratulations, you survived long enough to become the monsters you hated and feared" also those clearly weren't humans, we don't work like that we don't tun around in droves, pretty sure discord just did this to entertain himself
This story reminded me of Stephen King at his scariest. In other words...DUDE...you come from a dark place...
8376029
I'm still there.
This is a Criminally Underrated Mlp horror story.
To be honest, I low key feel like I can never see the main characters of the show the same way after reading this, props to you man, I bet Lovecraft or King would be impressed by the piece you've made. Oh, and by the way, I read this at night, so thanks for taking away my will to sleep.
9115814
So long as it was enjoyed, I'm happy. Thanks!
9424713
Oh you're welcome. Sleep is overrated so you're not missing much.
August Feature for Pinkie Pie Stories
Reading this was a very bad idea before bed.
10459800
It’s the perfect time for sleepless nights.
And the prospector the store owner is Discord he actively warned the characters that they should probably buy a map so they wouldn't get lost maybe he knew about the nature of Ponyville they wanted Revenge the place was cursed and they would all die if they got lost and ended up there which he was right he transferred into a serpent like creature and before that he crushed a needle but why he would want to help them well he's a spirit of chaos maybe he just enjoys occasionally denying them a meal