• Member Since 16th May, 2015
  • offline last seen May 25th, 2018

Marshall_Evergreen


[Insert wise and profound philosophy]

E

Set a couple years from the present, the Junior Wonderbolt Academy boot camp is in full swing, and it looks to be the best time of Scootaloo's life.
If only she wasn't paired-up with the biggest jerk in Equestria!
He's arrogant, brash, proud and UGH!
Frankly, just settling for jerk would be the understatement of the century!
The JWA boot camp would be ten times better without Rumble.
Right?


A romance, slice of life story with moments of light comedy and humour (thus the comedy tag).
Please enjoy!

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 67 )

Well this story sounds like it's going to be cute so far :twilightsmile:

DIS GON B GUD :pinkiecrazy:

'Some things never change'

War, war never changes

6610509 :derpyderp1: Well...

That is... I don't quite know what to say...
Not much to be said really. :rainbowlaugh:

Interesting observation.

6610583 it's a fallout reference

And I'm glad I made you laugh

6610585 I can appreciate a good laugh. Thanks. :pinkiesmile:
Should I be ashamed that I didn't get the refrence? :pinkiesad2:
Don't actually have fallout.
I know, I know, shock/horror.

6610587 np and only slightly and

*gasp loudly, screams, then cries, and finally passes out*

6610604 exactly

* wakes up*

Me: what happened

You: I told you I don't have fallout

me: *gasp and passes out again*

You: * facepalm* seriously ?

6610606 It could've been worse. Now let me see what more innocent hopes and dreams I can crush. :pinkiecrazy:

Yep. Called it.

This fic's freaking adorable so far.

So it begins indeed!:trollestia:

THIS JUST GOT REAL
AND SCOOTS ITS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME :trollestia:

It's not bad in my opinion. :applejackunsure:
And if I were Scoots, I would've tried to wipe that smug look off his face. And I mean literally wipe the smug look of his face...With a slap across the face or something like that.:ajbemused:
...Then again, I'm not exactly the best at simply ignoring arrogant people. I always have to choose between insults or hits, usually the former although I'm not exaggerating when I say that the latter isn't too far behind.:trixieshiftleft::ajbemused:

6672757 This chapter wasn't my greatest and I know that.
I really struggle with writing arrogant people, mainly because I don't understand them.
I don't understand what they think, so I just take it as 'they are'.
So in that case, my ability to show over tell is really stinking. :pinkiesad2:
But hey, I'm sure it'll get better.
More than that, it allows me to look at improving my writing. :twilightsmile:

6672757 Just a question: does Rumble's character actually annoy you?

6673265
Oh, I'm sorry. I do that a lot:twilightsheepish: (it comes from the annoying idiots that are my friends and cousins:facehoof:).
But it's actually a thing that I'd expect from Rumble (for some gut reason I can't understand or explain, so don't be asking:ajbemused:), so his character doesn't actually annoy me (to the hitting degree, anyways:trollestia:jk).
But he sorta reminds me of this cocky boy that vainly tried to grab my attention in middle school and- nevermind, you don't need to hear my rather interesting story (to put it mildly:ajbemused:).
Point is, no, I don't find Rumble's character to be annoying, at least, not in a reader's eyes. (Personal issue-ly...yeah:applejackunsure:)

6673302 THAT'S GREAT!
No, I mean fantastic!
I wanted it to be kind of natural for Rumble, but also have him as someone the reader can get annoyed with, so that's all okay in my book. :trollestia:

6673329 I used do this in the morning, just to get pumped and happy. :pinkiecrazy:

Yay! We get to see the other CMC members:yay:

Ooh...Pip, you really just said that?!:pinkiegasp:
I can just imagine that scene right now!:rainbowlaugh:

RIP Pip :rainbowlaugh:
Who disliked this story, I'm gonna send them to the moon :flutterrage:

Stereotypes! Remember to have at least 3 in every chapter, kids! Other than the cliché's, it's an okay story. Make it more interesting. And don't be afraid to let rumble show off! Having scootaloo always get a "victory" over rumble would be boring. He got accepted into the academy for a reason.

6702931 I know exactly what you mean. I have to admit, I've really just been 'testing the water' so far with this story. Thank you so much for this; I'm glad I have something to improve on. I'll look to making the following chapters a bit more 'Rumble's character' based. For now I've just been saying he's good, I haven't been showing.:unsuresweetie:

I know this thing wreaks of clichés, making it sound like some kind of overly-stereotyped teen drama...which, admittedly, I did want to emulate in some aspects, but not all. :applejackunsure:

So again, thanks for your opinion, and I'll strive to make this story better than it is, so that it can live up to its potential in some aspects. I'm sure others could've done a better job, but 'oh well.' :derpytongue2:

Thanks again, :twilightsmile:

Marshall

6704980 you have a good writing style, and this story does have potential. Just...don't let the characters become cliché's. Scootaloo, rubmle, and featherweight feel kind of like...plot devices? Characters there to move the story forward. Now, a point you have going for you is that rumble IS in some aspects humble. I really liked how he let scootaloo have her moment, and even had second thoughts about featherweight. It really shows how much of a character he is. His reaction to being a wing pony (in my mind) would be completely over-the-top though.



On an unrelated note, (well, not to the criticism) what do you have planned for the series so far?

Is it bat that i identify with rumble?

6708239 :rainbowlaugh:
Not at all!
I wanted Scootaloo to have some misconceptions about Rumble, but you'd be right in saying that Featherweight is a device. He is there to serve his purpose, but i'll try and put some more character into him soon. :raritywink:

Wow poor Rumble's head was in the clouds if he finally realized that! Hopefully his brother will tell him about Lightning Dust's story before he does something too stupid. Great chapter how Rumble has taken the day so far!

6781672 Thanks. :twilightsmile:
Good to know this chapter didn't suck as much as I thought it did. :twilightblush:

:rainbowlaugh:It took him all day to realize that he's the wing pony?!:rainbowlaugh:

Gosh dang it, I knew this day would come!
A second dislike.
And I was so hopeful.
Oh well, I've already said before that this isn't the best story, and is severely lacking in some elements. :pinkiesad2:

Thanks to everyone for your input, comments and general support for this story. It's really fulfilling.:twilightsmile:

Rest in peace rumble's ego. You will be missed...probably only by me..Woah! Character development! Get down, feels incoming!

Nice chapter, though if i had a complaint, it'd be this...

WHY ISNT IT LONGER OMG UN-LIKED IS THE STORY DED???.

6784624 hey, maybe the chapter DID suck as much as you thought...KIDDING! It was amazing! Yes, it was short, but given the time it took to churn out, i'm not gonna complain. I think thus gives us a deeper look into rumble's character.

He's cocky because he doesn't want to fail his brother, or himself for that matter. I see so many people shat on because of thier rude attitude, and we never see why they're rude, or if they have any other feelings than jerk. i give this chapter a 0/0.

6790441 :rainbowlaugh:
Honestly, I was just trying to get this chapter out of the works.

Oh poor Soarin. Yup he will need to knock some sense into Rumble's head fast or he will have an issue with Delta team fast.

:rainbowlaugh:My reaction to that awkward moment! And when Rumble barged in!:rainbowlaugh:

This chapter perfectly describes every teenager ever :rainbowlaugh: and darn it Rumble :facehoof:

6819611 I always look forward to your comments on this story.
You are basically the system upon which I can grade each chapter. :rainbowlaugh:
Thanks for your continued suppoert for this story!
Having people enjoy what I write motivates me to give my all.:twilightsmile:

Kinda feel like you went heavy-handed on soarin. i do feel like you could have fit in rumble's annoyance at the end.

But i only say that because i'm a biased idiot. Other than a few moments where it dribbled on, (note the first sentence) it was great!

6819632 I feel...betrayed somehow.

6825360

I rather liked his characterisation of Soarin' and personally i think he was right to leave Rumble's childish annyonance out at the end. :twilightsmile: Really well written i might add

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