• Published 12th Oct 2015
  • 2,414 Views, 14 Comments

The Coronation of the Reluctant Princess Fluttershy - A British Gentleman



Fluttershy has become an alicorn. This is something of an embuggerance for her.

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Oh Dear

The Coronation of the Reluctant Princess Fluttershy

Fluttershy was content.

This was often the case in the morning, in Fluttershy's experience. As she was resting in her cozy bed, her bird friends were singing their beautiful chorus. [1] Mr Fuzzycock [2] had finally recovered from his laryngitis sufficiently to greet the sun in the proper manner and a lovely warmth was already gathering.

For a brief moment, Fluttershy contemplated simply luxuriating in bed, but her animal friends needed her. Breakfast would wait for nopony. She emerged reluctantly from her covers, stretched like a cat, before setting herself down on four hooves.

That's odd thought Fluttershy, My wings feel different. she she shrugged mentally. She'd take a look at them in the bathroom. Her head felt oddly heavy as well. It was probably nothing. It was hopefully nothing. She simply couldn't afford to be sick. It would not do at all. Not when Mrs Squeak was pregnant and soon due to give birth. Oh, she could just picture the little baby mice now. She couldn't wait to snuggle them and make friends.

Fluttershy headed to the bathroom to begin her usual morning preparations, a little giddy with the thought of cuddles that were to come. She turned on the shower, picked up her toothbrush with a forehoof and approached her mirror.

...

1. Like the sounds of children at play, birdsong is quite lovely providing one did not inquire into what exactly the birds were sing about.

2. Some ponies had a habit of snickering when they heard her greet him. It was quite baffling really. She had asked Rarity about it once, but her friend had nearly choked on her Earl Gray and the topic was dropped.

...

Rarity was having an acceptable morning. She had risen early, bright and refreshed, headed downstairs and put out the fires caused by Sweetie's attempts at making her breakfast in bed. Only minimal damage was done to the fittings. [3] she had just sent Sweetie to school and gotten started on her orders. Her day was beginning looking good.

"Agggggghhhhh!"

Murphy listens for such thoughts. A panicked shriek had cut through the air of Ponyville. She dropped her thread, her magic winking out.

"Sweet Celestia, what was that about?" she asked. "That was Fluttershy, I could have sworn. I do hope nothing's happened to the poor dear!"

There were some unkind ponies who were of the opinion that Rarity valued, above all things, her mane conditioner, her mirrors and her makeup kit, in that order.

This was, of course, a nonsense. She valued those, naturally, but friends came first, and she loved Fluttershy with all her heart. She raced to the door, her orders forgotten, and headed to her friend's cottage at an unseemly and almost embarrassing gallop.

...

3. Rarity was a little baffled as to why the fires had been blood red and black, and she was quite certain breakfast cereal was not supposed to chant in eldritch tongues, nor did she know, or want to know, why visions of sunken cities came to her mind when she heard it. She decided to ask Twilight to deal with it later.

...

Every animal in the cottage had fled at the noise. All but one. Her sweet, dear Angel. [4]

"Okay, okay... I have a horn. My wings have grown bigger. This isn't what I think it is.This can't be what I think it is. Angel? Angel!?" Her breath was ragged. She just had to stay calm. She had to be calm. Her animal friends needed her. Her breathing calmed, a little. She couldn't have just become an alicorn. That didn't happen. It just couldn't happen. Ponies would look at her.

They would look at her.

"Angel, um, I need you to do me a favour, if you don't mind that is. I'm a little ill right now, yes just ill. That's all this is, just me being ill," said Fluttershy, a hint of the manic about her voice. "Could you feed the other animals for me? Please? I can't go out like this! Ponies would..." her breath was getting ragged again. "They would... stare at me."

She shuddered at the thought, and took deep breaths. Think of puppies, think of kitties, she thought. The rabbit looked up, his soulless, beady eyes bored into her, his expression flat. He nodded, once, and scuttled off.

There was the sound of hooves running down the path.

"Fluttershy? Fluttershy, sweetness, are you quite alright? I heard the most dreadful scream, and I could have sworn it was you," panted Rarity.

Fluttershy's pupils shrunk to dots. She couldn't face Rarity; what would she say? What would she do?

Before Fluttershy could take any action, Rarity barged straight into the cottage. [5] Rarity looked at Fluttershy. Fluttershy looked at Rarity, a distinct hint of headlight bound deer about her.

"A horn. A a horn. Fluttershy, you have a horn," stammered Rarity. "When did this happen? How did this happen? Darling, you simply must tell me everything! I heard you scream and I was so worried!"

"I don't know how it happened," said Fluttershy, "I just woke up with it. Oh Rarity, what am I going to do? I can't let ponies see me like this, what will they think. They're going to just stare right at... um, did you say you heard me scream?"

"Why yes, darling. I imagine half the town heard."

"Half the town!" squeaked Fluttershy.

"Why I almost had a heart attack! You worried me Fluttershy."

"Oh no, oh no, if you heard, and came, then so might everypony! I can't face that many ponies!" Fluttershy looked stricken. "What am I going to do?"

"Don't worry dear. I have a plan. Angel," Rarity looked at the rabbit. "Angel you're needed. Help me now, and I swear to you, I shall make it worth your while."

Angel paused from his work and looked at Rarity, a frown firmly planted on his face.

"I need you, by whatever mean necessary, to keep everypony away from this cottage. Poor Fluttershy is in no condition for guests. Can you do that for me?"

There was a pause. A grin slowly formed on the creature's face. It was not a happy grin, nor was it a friendly grin. It was a grin one would normally find attached to a sleek form with a fin above the water level. A grin that moved with malice of forethought in direction of drowning sailors. The grin widened further, and in the depths of Angel's black dead eyes the fires of damnation did flicker, and burn.

"Aww, look how happy he is that he can help," said Fluttershy as Angel moved to the door, an aurora of malevolence about him. "He's such a sweetheart."

"Yes, that's one way of putting it," said Rarity carefully, desperately hoping there would be no serious casualties. [6] "Now, let's get you settled with a nice soothing pot of camomile and we can discuss this," said Rarity as she busied herself with her task.

"I don't know what to do! Rarity, I can't be an alicorn! What if Princess Celestia wants me to be a Princess?! There will be so many ponies, looking at me, judging me," Fluttershy began to shake. "I'm not strong like Twilight or brave like Rainbow," she was crying now."What if they don't like me? What if -"

Rarity had heard enough. She wrapped her forehooves around Fluttershy in a gentle embrace.

"Fluttershy, sweetheart, you must not think such things," said Rarity, rocking her gently. "You are strong," she said softly, "you are brave. Was it not you who reformed Discord? was it not you saw off that brutish dragon? Were you not there with us, when we saved Equestria, again and again. Even though you were so afraid, you did it anyway. If you are to be a Princess, then you will have earned it. And you will be a kind and gentle Princess," Rarity rubbed her back slowly. "You are loved Fluttershy. By your animals, by your friends. When the ponies of Equestria see you, and know you for who you are, they will love you too. How could anypony not?"

"Thanks Rarity," said Fluttershy. "Um, that helped. You're a good friend."

"Well," said Rarity, standing back up. "Let's drink that tea, put on a nice hat and we'll head to Twilight's Castle. She'll know what to do."

Half an hour later, both mares set of, Fluttershy in a lovely wide brimmed hat.

...

4. There were two schools of thought on the topic of Angel bunny in Ponyville. One of these believed him to be a sweet, harmless and adorable bunny. A little headstrong but with a good heart.

This was the opinion held by Fluttershy.

The second believed him to be a particularly malevolent demon of the Pit of Tartarus, cursed by a unicorn wizard, probably Starswirl the bearded, into the form of a small white rabbit, and all the more malignant for it.

This was the opinion held by everypony else.

5. Rarity, of course, is normally far more courteous and refined than this. When in her full faculties. In her school days, uncouth colts would make a game of seeing how much they could annoy her, for the purposes of hearing her accent degrade.

6. Ponies researching unusual happenings would in later years refer to the events that took place around Ponyville that day as Incident Zero. This is not a reference to Fluttershy's transformation. Nopony was badly harmed, though many feats of daring do and much good fortune made this so.

...

"Rarity! Fluttershy! Where in Equestria have you girls been today?!" Twilight looked decidedly dishevelled. Hairs were sticking out of her mane and tail at odd angles, her coat was a mess and her pupils were odd sizes. "It's been chaos! There was this scream, things were quiet after that for a while, but then there was madness everywhere! And bunnies! -"

"Twilight," said Rarity.

"Um, Twilight," said Fluttershy. She took off her hat.

"So many bunnies! I didn't think there were that many bunnies, and then- Fluttershy, you have a horn."

"Um, yes. I'm an alicorn, I think. I'm sorry, I don't want to be a bother, I know you're busy, but could you please help me with that?"

"Oh. Okay. I want to know everything. Of course I'll need to write to Princess Celestia. Spike! Spike!!"

The girls settled in and told their tale. Biscuits were consumed, tea was sipped and a letter was sent.

...

Today was the big day. She could do this. She had practiced with her animal friends, with her pony friends. She had worked her way up to bigger crowds. She was ready.

"Behold behold behold behold, the Princess Fluttershy cometh. Behold behold behold behold, the Princess is, the Princess is here!"

Things had gone well. The four Princesses were resplendent in their regalia and their splendid dresses. Her friends were all present, pony and animal alike. The nobles hadn't liked it, but Princess Celestia had insisted. Her family were there, and her mother had cried her eyes out. [7] Princess Celestia had given a speech, and a crown in the form of interwoven spring flowers had been placed upon Fluttershy's head.

Fluttershy headed towards the balcony, her friends about her. She looked down at the gathered masses. That was a lot of ponies.

"Say something, Princess," said Celestia.

"Um..."

...

7. Through what quirk of genetics or nurture Bellowing Wind, a mare known for her quiet and demure tendencies in the same way Death Valley is known for it's moisture, brought forth Fluttershy shall remain a mystery for the ages.

...

Author's Note:

I hope this has been a fun read. I look forward to any criticism :twilightsmile:

Comments ( 14 )

Brilliant story. The characters sounded like their canon counterparts and the story flowed naturally from their actions. A few grammar/spelling errors here and there, but nothing glaringly horrible. Certainly acceptable given the time limit of the contest in my opinion.

I loved the Pratchett-esk footnotes. Although perhaps it would have been better to add them at the end of their related scenes as oppose to a separate chapter.

Overall a great story.
And honestly if you don't beat at least my entry I'll be shocked.

I can't read the word "embuggerance" without thinking of Terry Pratchett. And now I'm sad. :fluttershysad:

Aklo-Bits are part of a complete, if eldritch breakfast.

In all, a fun story with noticeable and enjoyable Prachettian influence, but you sidestepped most of the conflict and left many questions unanswered. Why and how did Fluttershy ascend? Why was her ascension so different from Twilight's? How do the other princesses plan on handling a royal who flinches at the spotlight? What finally brought an end to Angel's rampage?
Really, the heaviest criticism I can levy against this story is that there isn't enough of it. There's a lot more room to explore, and I wish you had done so.

Felt like a lot was missing but Fluttershy's and Rarity's reaction seem ok..

Hah, I knew that stalking, I mean, following you would be worthwhile. Nice story, but there are a few points where it may need to be expanded. Not the horrible bunny rampage although, such things should, in my opinion, remain in the imagination and nightmares of the readers.

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There just wasn't enough time to meet the deadline. I will publish a polished and expanded edit after. All of these will be answered with the exception of the rampage; that was always intended to be a noodle incident. Thanks for the feedback :twilightsmile:

[1] Mr Fuzzycock [2]

Lesson #1 for fanfiction: Don't copy the Pratchett model of random, obnoxious footnotes. It worked for Pratchett (arguably; while I'm a fan of his work, I always found the footnote thing incredibly tedious), but it does not work in fanfiction unless you're using Wiki-style notations or external hyperlinks--neither of which are present here.

In short, don't do the footnote thing.

She emerged reluctantly from her covers, stretched like a cat, her wings unfurled, before setting herself down on four hooves.

You've got a slight grammar hiccup in this sentence, right around the "her wings unfurled" area.

she she shrugged mentality.

she shrugged mentally

down stairs

'downstairs' is one word.

Ok, ok

Convention dictates one should spell out "okay" in prose.

and scuttled of.

off

and I swear I shall to you, I shall make it

by whatever mean necessary

means

"Aww, look how happy he is that he can help," said Fluttershy as Angel moved to the door, an aurora of malevolence about him "He's such a sweetheart."

Missing a period after 'him'.

Half an hour later, both mares set of,

off

"Um, yes. I'm an alicorn, I think. I'm sorry, I don't want to be a bother, I know you're busy, but could please help me with that?"

You seem to be missing a word between 'could' and 'please'.

This story felt...incomplete. Like there should have been more.

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Thanks for the feedback :twilightsmile:, I'll make the corrections as soon as I get the all clear from the contest.

It looks incomplete because it is, more or less. It had to be rushed out for the deadline. A polished and expanded version will be released when I get the all clear. Again, thanks for the tips :pinkiesmile:

I'm a bit confused.. I mean I like the concept but you didn't clear up anything about the stampede of bunnies and what happened after that to the coronation day? Ik it was supposed to be a short story but...nvm don't listen to me I really don't even have a right to talking about the flaws in your story when mine are probably worse :facehoof: It was a nice little read though :trollestia:

This deserves an upvote just for adding embuggerance to my vocabulary. The rest of the story isn't bad either.

I understand that this was supposed to be a skit, but man I would have loved to see more fleshing out, maybe even some misadventures for Princess Fluttershy... Ah, but what's here is good. :raritystarry:

Dammit, sir, Earl Grey! That ungentlemanly lapse apart, I found this fic pretty entertaining. It doesn't take itself too seriously, which is always a plus, and this isn't a bad attempt at getting footnotes to work on screen. (Check out iisaw's fics for a better one, though.) Worth an upvote, at any rate. :twilightsmile:

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I actually have to disagree with him on the footnotes. I'd suggest cleaning up the format of them, and maybe using smaller text on the footnotes themselves for easier reading. But overall that was a good use of footnote humor.

Dear A British Gentlemen,

I have read and analyzed your story in The Pleasant Commentator and Review Group! and your review can be found here.

Despite the sense of incompleteness that this one-shot has due to its very nature, I'm for one glad to have discovered it. It was a good presentation of Pratchettian humour in pony form, and the characterization was great.

However, my only nitpick would be the common use of 'Starswirl' when it is in fact 'Star Swirl', and the way the footnotes were arranged (I don't blame you for that one, it is quite tricky to pull off - and I still don't know how to do the hyperlink thingie in here). Other than that, I really hope to see a more developed version of this story - as it lends itself to be far more, even if it is a four-chapter story or even a three-part storyline.

Well, I wish you a good day!:twilightsmile:

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