• Member Since 2nd Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Jun 21st, 2016

The Descendant


Thanks, but please don't send me cash "tips." Instead, support this charity: The Fletcher Street Urban Riding Club.

E

How did Fluttershy acquire her "Freaky knowledge ah' sewin'!" as Applejack called it? The answer is simple, Rarity taught her! Yet a winter full of struggle takes its toll on the two and brings their friendship to the breaking point.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 69 )

Holy crap! This is finally on Fim Fiction!

What a beautiful, beautiful story. Without straying from canon, it reveals new depths to the characters. I have always thought myself that Fluttershy, in her way, has to be stronger than the other ponies because she is a caregiver, and even in the magical land of Equestria that means dealing with pain, sickness, and loss . . . You have done an amazing job of exploring that side of her.

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I know, right?!:pinkiehappy:

I only just learned about the existence of this place, so I'm slowly adding all of my stories. Hope you'll come along on the ride!:twilightsmile:


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Thank you so much!:pinkiesmile:

That seems to be the reoccurring theme with replies to this story, people really see to like the "quiet strength" that shines through. I'm very glad that you seem to feel I captured that.:twilightsmile:

A very good story. I was particularly struck by the small details, such as Angel's predecessor's grave.

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I tend to insert a lot of little details and mini-scenes. I'm glad that it worked well for you!:twilightsmile:

I've decided to change things up a bit here and write my comments here on Fimfiction for this story. Mostly because I felt that it could use some love on this site.

I kind of hope that people (in the future) who have yet to read the story do not read my comments as they will contain spoilers. You all have been warned.

Hmm...pegasus magic looks to be a bit more powerful than I expected since it was the cause of the birds loosing their feathers. Please correct me if I am wrong in my assumption.

I think I can safely say right now, just after one chapter, that you nailed Fluttershy's personality and quirks.

Rarity acted exactly like I expected. To still care about something that has sentimental value (why else would she put it by the window?) and yet give it away to a friend whom she knows and expects to use it well. Truly the element of generosity.

Dumb seabirds not knowing that Fluttershy is only trying to help. Wild birds are crazy TD.

I already know that I am going to like this so *Fav*, *thumb up*, etc.

You know me to point out mistakes that I see and I hope you don't take offense to me doing so. That being said...

"Seeing them all settled in and able to walk about in their new roosts Fluttershy smiled and returned, with Rarity's blanket, to her own bed. How she had wanted to sleep there! To be in her own bed or the first time in weeks…" or probably should be "for".

This one I am not exactly certain about, but felt I should bring it up with you. "Gathering up the sad construct, her practice sewing kit, and her measurements she stepped out into the blinding white off the midday snow." Should that off be of? *shrugs*

It is my basic understanding that for dialogues, a new paragraph should be started with a new speaker, as I am sure you already know. I am going to assume that since this is an older story, it might not have receive the same attention as your later works. This came up a couple of times in this chapter.

"Excellent! Marvelous!" called Rarity, breaking Fluttershy's concentration. "Is it? I mean…is it really?" said Fluttershy, looking down to see Opal's smiling face looking up at her.

"Select five, my pet," said Rarity, a devilish look crossing her face. "Really…oh, okay," said Fluttershy, looking to the tray.
-----
Now concerning the plot of the story...

I suppose Fluttershy is not all that accustomed to Equestria's version of smoke inhalation. At least that is my guess as to what is wrong with the birds.

D'awww little birdy in a sweater. Someone should draw that image.

You had a good pacing going on during the scene with Rarity. It felt quite smooth and natural.

I enjoyed this line from Rarity: "Well," spoke Rarity with a sigh, "You'll say 'ouch'…and then carry on." Mostly because it is very true, can be applied to different subjects as well, and I can clearly see Rarity saying something like this in the show.

Change of speaker issues again, and also apparently you have one extra quotation mark at the end of this paragraph:

"Ex…exc…excu…cuusse me, sir. I…" she began, approaching him. As his majestic head turned to face her she let out a little yelp, and shied away. At once his expression mellowed, and he turned to an officious looking younger peryton next to him and spoke. "Lars, mitä tämä sievä toivoa?""

Oh snap Rarity, you just got told!

Huh, interesting bringing in the perytons. I never knew what they were until I looked it up after seeing that word in this story.

Is it safe to assume that the past 3 chapters occur prior to the start of Rarity's and Fluttershy's weekly spa trips?

Guess I was wrong on the cause of the birds getting sick and dying. I noticed that there was no mention of a cure for it. Not sure if that was intentional or not.

The rest of the story is known, how in a few frantic minutes the judgmental Hoity Toity had returned, and as they ponies had exhibited the dresses Rarity had meant for them to wear, the ones that she had designed for them, he became enamored with Rarity's designs.

They should probably be the.

"I'd love to," said Fluttershy, smiling. "Really?" answered Dash, bolting to attention, "Great! We'll start practice in a couple of weeks or so. Thanks!"
Change of speaker, probably would want to start a new paragraph when Dash starts to speak.

Now for the story itself. I thought you did a lovely job incorporating the show with this story. The transitions were smooth and just flowed with ease. A few general questions that I have, 1. How did you come up with the title of this story? Did you have the title before you wrote the story, or was it an afterthought? 2. Did you have prior knowledge of sewing or did you have to learn the terms as you were writing?

Emotional wise, I was pretty calm throughout the entirety of the story until the death of the little seabird. Then it was like something drove a knife into my chest and just making my heart ache. Even more so once the larger seabird returned with the rest of the flock. My God TD, you are just too darn good at playing with my emotions. I think I am going to read Dear Idiot next since I am fairly certain that the chances of me getting bittersweet emotions would be slim.

I felt that your portrayal of Fluttershy, and subsequently Rarity, were spot on. I could see the character development in Fluttershy as she got more and more confident with her abilities.

Well done TD! I definitely enjoyed this story.

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It's the magic of the dragon, or what he ate that made him sick and needing to nap, that is affecting the birds and not the pegasus magic. I hope that makes sense.

I'm very glad that the characterizations came across!

Why aren't there any happy Rarity or Fluttershy emoticons?

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Thanks for the grammar catches, Redz.

You are entirely correct, a new line of dialogue for a new speaker should have it's own paragraph.

Smoke inhalation that contains magic, yes... that is what is wrong indeed.

I'm glad that you liked the pacing, and Rarity's comment.

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Yes, this all happens back before Rarity and Fluttershy became such good friends as we saw them in the first season. I don't quite see them as being close until they meet under the auspices of the Elements.

This is the first story, but certainly not the last, where I used the perytons!

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Thank you for the further grammar fixes, Redz. I'll get to them as soon as I can.

My idea for the title was concurrent for the pre-writing of the story. The working title was just "Sew". I thought it might be cute to use a title with all the homophones of "sew" in them, and when I wrote that line in the story I knew I had found it!:twilightblush:

I have beed described as a very emotional writer, and I'm glad that shone through, and the characterizations as well. Wherever you read my stuff. Redz, you know I appreciate it.:twilightsheepish:

874276 I agree, there needs to be a happy emoticon for Rarity and Fluttershy...as well as Applejack, and Rainbow Dash.

Hmm. I haven't decided on whether I like writing comments on your stories here verses writing comments on DA. I think at the moment, I am leaning towards DA just because of nostalgia. I think it will just come down to how many comments you have on a given site. For instance, you don't have any comments in the first chapter of That's How the Accursed Cookies Crumble here on Fimfic so I'll probably show that story some love here. Of course it truly depends upon whether or not Fimfic is being stupid with 502/504 errors.

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I hate these freakin' errors!:pinkiecrazy:

Oh, I realize I forgot to answer one of your questions... I don't sew (I barely do laundry!) but I had to "train myself" on the correct terms to get them right for this story. Like a method actor, I had to immerse myself... I'm a method writer!:twilightsheepish:

A beautiful story!:heart:
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I totally agree about the emotions. I especially think there should be a blushing/embarrassed ANYONE. You have no idea how often I'd use that.

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I'm sorry that I missed your comment on the story for so long! I apologize! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, it means a bunch to me!:twilightsmile:

A sad, but powerful first chapter.

equestropomorphizing?
Love that! XD

Something between them?
... Oh dear... that doesn't sound good...

Awesome ending to an awesome story.

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It makes me very glad that you enjoyed this story, the second that I released in the fandom. It was meant as a character study, and I'm glad that you enjoyed it as such.:twilightsmile:

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Of Fluttershy mainly, but also Rarity and maybe Angel a bit, right?

This is an incredibly nice story, elegant in its construction and cleverly woven into canon. The ending was quite moving in its simplicity; I wouldn't have thought Fluttershy burying a bird could make for such a stirring scene, but you pulled it off wonderfully. The whole thing is just marvelous.

Totally faved. :heart:

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I'm very glad that you enjoyed it! I'm especially glad that you identified all of the subtle touched that I had hoped that I'd put into this. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!:twilightsmile:

This story...
dl.dropbox.com/u/5331373/memes/It%27s%20Beautiful.jpg

Never before have I read such an amazing back-story for a simple fact that have only been mentioned briefly in the show. What you did here is truly an outstanding work!

Also, because I'm in the process of dwelling deeper into your head-canon (yes, it means that I'm currently in the middle of reading your other stories :pinkiehappy:), I have to commend you (once again) on the consistency of it. Even in this story, the vision of your Equestria is clearly defined. The more I read of your stories, the more I see that your Equestria is like a safe harbor in the middle of a stormy sea. Like a snow globe tossed among the pile of rubbish, Equestria is an isolated land, protected by barriers (both natural, like mountains, and magical cast by Sister Sovereigns) from the dangers lurking outside (magica vasto, the Witches and what not). I can't wait to see more if it! :pinkiehappy:

Also, Fluttershy is best pony. :yay:

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It's one of the hallmarks of my works, both in this fandom and others that I've written for, that I'm able to expand upon the trivial. I'm glad that it worked so well for you in this instance!:twilightsmile:

That is very much the vision I have of Equestria... the snow globe analogy was perfect. Well said!

Yes, Fluttershy is best pony... when it's not Spike. Or Twilight. Or Luna. Or Celestia.

Your voices are amazing. I hear them in my head, and they're so right, the way you write them. They have different pacings in their speech and you convey this wonderfully. The details you add to your vision of Equestria, as well, are impressive in their nature and their gentleness- they aren't at all awkwards like some are, and they feel so organic to the way you write and to the world itself that they seem as though they could be canon- which is really how any fanfiction writer endeavors to write their additions, I should think.

Beautiful. In its sadness and its happiness, beautiful.

Write on! :twilightsmile:

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Well thank you very much! What a great comment to receive! Yes, I try hard to make sure that the elements I add feel organic and right. Thanks for noticing!:twilightsmile:

This work of fan fiction contains characters, ideas, situations, and places found in the Hasbro Studios series "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic". No infringement of copyright is implied by this work of satire and parody, and this work is meant as a celebration of those involved in the creation, development, and production of the series.

Ahhh, there it is. And all is right with the world. :pinkiehappy:

and two who had appeared the most week when they arrived.

I do believe that "week" should be "weak"

So, the story. Knowing you, SoL = Sad, or, at least, a similar sort of powerful emotion. I've come ready this time. I-I'm ready. I am. Really. I-I am.
:unsuresweetie:

The description makes me... apprehensive, I think is the right word. I'm sensing some sort of conflict between 'Shy and Rarity, but so far, so good. Thus, apprehension. :unsuresweetie:

And suddenly, conflict. And that brings so much more meaning to that scene. Just... wow.

Welp, I'm not at all surprised. SoL involved quite a few sads yet again. Well done.

Also, your characterizations are spot on. Fluttershy really seemed like Fluttershy. Rarity was truly Rarity. This story deserves a lot more recognition. The fact that an act as simple as burying a bird ending up being so meaningful speaks to the power of the narrative. The reader felt the pains of caring for the birds just as Fluttershy did. You are clearly very adept at reaching out and making it very easy for the reader to just be swept away into the heads of the character.

Well done, overall :twilightsmile:

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Thanks for the fixes, as per usual!:pinkiehappy:

You've got me curious, CS. You've been aware of me for about eight months now, and this is my second oldest story. How would you say that my writing has grown or changed in that time?:rainbowhuh:

1900896
Well, for one, you've maintained a clear style throughout. Each story you write is distinctly you. And I like that. Consistency is a good thing. That said, this definitely feels like an early work of yours. The overall emotions are the same. Lots of feels. Lots of powerful emotions. However, lots of the subtle emotions that you do so well nowadays aren't as prevalent. What I mean is that the small scenes in this didn't seem to mean as much as similar scenes mean now. They seemed closer to filler than they are now (which, is to say, a little below average filler compared to nearly no filler). But this a good thing. You had the big picture down pat, and the small things done well. It's easier to work on the small things once the big picture is down. And it's clear you've done that.

This was the first story I read before joining Fimfiction. But ever since then I couldn't for the life of me remember the name of this story or it's author to favorite it.

Now after an entire year (Where most of it I genuinely forgot about this, sorry) of searching, I can finally say

This story is awesome!:pinkiehappy:

Beautiful! :twilightsmile:

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I am truly sorry that I hadn't noticed your comment before! I try to respond to all the comments on my stories, and I must have missed this one. I am very glad that you enjoyed the work, and I'm glad that you took the time to hunt it down! Thanks for reading and commenting!:twilightsmile:

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Thanks so much!:pinkiesmile:

This is the kind of story I will share with my daughter, well when she learns to read the English language :twilightsmile:

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I'm very glad that you would do so!:twilightsmile:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

You know, other than a mention of "Luna's domain", I had up till this chapter thought this story to be set prior to Twilight's arrival in Ponyville. Mostly it was due to the apparent emptiness of Fluttershy's life, not to mention Rarity's seeming lack of understanding of the joy she finds in being generous. But then we get the Gala ticket, Winter Wrap-Up, the scene from Suited for Success... So I have to ask, when does this story open?

The story opens directly after the events of Dragonshy, as the smoke that the pegasi are clearing is the dragon smoke, hence Fluttershy's self-congratulatory smile at the beginning. I hope that clears it up.

Wow. That was beautiful. Absolutely heartwrenchingly beautiful.

As some would say, "Pow, right in the feels."

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I'm very glad that you enjoyed it! This was an early work or mine, and I'm glad that it still has some power in it.:twilightsheepish:

I like your idea to interweave litte details from the show into your story to convey the development of their relationship.
I think that Rarity's quote suits the first two chapters: "You'll say 'ouch'…and then carry on." :fluttercry: :raritycry:
A beautiful little story.:twilightsmile:

3199951
I personally love that little aside, and I'm glad that you feel that I integrated the show well. This was one of my very first works, and I'm glad that people like yourself are still enjoying it.:twilightsmile:

I am quite confident that this is the first Fluttershy-centered fic I have ever read, and needless to say it was fantastic. While I can’t say I relate to her, I can say I understand how hard it must have been for her to lose so many birds. Particularly with the last bird, to work so hard to save them, only to lose them when everything seems to have improved must have been incredibly difficult.
I very much enjoyed the way you tied this story in with other episodes, as it definitely added to the believability ( an odd thing to say about a story about pastel colored ponies that do magic and fly) of this story in particular. Furthermore, the scene where the birds return to roost and you discuss the repeating cycle caused me to reflect on my own mortality, that life will go on even though none of us will. As always, even though you focused on characters from the actual show you did a spectacular job of keeping them in character, which absolutely adds to the piece and reflects your own skill as a writer.
The only question I am left with in this story is a minor one: You say that when ‘Angel felt a chill down his spine as he crossed his eventual grave.’ Was this merely him realizing that he too would be buried there one day, or is this a piece of folklore?

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It is both metaphorical and folkloric. It is an ancient superstition that you feel a chill go up your spine whenever someone or yourself steps over the spot where you will be aid to rest, and for Angel, who could see the clear progression of headstones of his predecessors, it is both.:twilightsmile:

Huh, that emoticon doesn't seem appropriate... :twilightoops:...

A simple pleasure to read interlaced with moments of actual episodes which was nice and not over the top. I liked how you managed to maintain both Rarity and fluttershy "in" character through out. *thumbs up* TD. :pinkiesmile:

-Frost

Comment posted by The Descendant deleted Jan 3rd, 2014

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Oh, yes, characterization is really, really important to me. I'm glad that you enjoyed their portrayal.:raritywink:

I just realized why i put off reading some of your stories. Its because they take a toll on me. They are all deep and filled with emotional ups and downs. I have to gird my loins so to speak to start a new story of yours because at the endi will be drained in a happily satisfied way.

Hopefully im getting across the point that i love your stories, but have to pace myself.

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