Denial
The next thing I remember is me laying at a bar with my hoof clutched around a club soda.
"Huh? What happened?" I asked myself.
The bartender answered for me.
" I don't know how you did it but, you got drunk on club soda and also, there's a rumor going around that you got the hots for Luna last night."
"Wow! I must be one *HIC* lucky guy!"
I walked out to my helicopter and got arrested for supposedly having, 'Inappropriate acts on a princess'.
I was taken to a court room.
" Thunder Storm, for inappropriate acts on my sister, we have to punish you," Celestia said. "You have to fight the infamous beast known as Crabble."
I was taken to the fight ring and thrown in.
Twelve minutes,I told myself.Twelve minutes before I change form. Into Supercell.
For twelve minutes, I got thrown against walls and almost killed.
That's when Celestia took me out of the ring.
"Thunderstorm! You are hereby banished to the human world.FOREVER!!!!!!!" She said.
That's when I blacked out.
I woke up on something big.
"Where am I?"I ask myself.
"On the Starship Shackleton." A human said.
"Why?" I ask him.
"Supposedly, you have been banished here by the one they call 'Celestia' so, for the time being, you're with us." He said.
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OC Donut Seal: The bajillion year old emosuke sasuke uber rinnegan striped angus pairet.
Butt seriously,shame on alicorn OCs and Adonismic wankery.
Wut?
Translation: Oh look, another self-insert OC with Gary-Stu like qualities and all the females want a piece of him because of the Adonis-like build that he has.
Save us.
6461116
Bruh. Its Donut Steal not Seal.
Okay!
That's... That's not.... SHE CANT DO THAT! That means she's a tyrant!
If that's so, Thunderbutt should overthrow her and become king!
... I'm done.
Okay, I must ask: Do you have any editors, prereaders and what do you use to write your stories(paste bin, gdoc, windows word, ect)? I mean no ill will be this, but looking at all your stories and seeing the bad...feedback, and reading it myself. Do you read and edit these yourself, cause you can really use some help, story over all?
Ah, the traditional Donut Steal OC that's also a self insert. How great, don't you think?
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mazeshfewk1ruuum2.gif
I ask myself quite often what would happen to a story of mine involving an OC of my own as well if it didn't please most. This is a front runner as to what would've happened to said story.
6461972 Silly user...everyone knows that it's pronounced "DONUT STEEL!"
Donut Steals are becoming more common than Zubats.
And I actually LIKE Zubats. C'mon Donut, you're giving Zubats a bad name!
That was totally incoherent. Just like this story.
6461583
He's very scrawny and nobody except luna likes him because he's too damn angry all the time.
6462066 I really need help.
could you hook me up?
6470296
My initial reply was in regards to your "Wut?" seeing as I had to translate it into layman's terms but to quote 6461607
Add in the fact that you're using a modified horse image from minecrack doesn't help either.
6470342 Well, grammar, you can look in The Writer's Group or The Proofreader Group for help or ask around on Authors helping Authors for an Editor. Though I must say, your story needs more of a overhaul than your grammar do at this moment. Normally I would offer myself to help on that, but I don't know if I can with this one
. So try to get a Editor and Proofreader to help, but I must warn you, the editors seem to be on a low amount, so don't be surprise if a few don't respond.
6471167 I understand, can you hook me up with some people that can make me a good image?
6471334 Affirmative
6471167 How's the new image?
6461607 in answering your why does he not use his wings question, when Tstorm was only 12 years of age he got in a fight with Crabble and broke both wings and lost his ability to fly.
6474598 You know, Infomation like that need to be known, pretty early at that.
6474212 To be honest....it still doesn't help your case with what the character is supposed to look like. You say he's scrawny and has red stripes on his muzzle and yet the image is the standard base model of a full-grown and healthy body. One thing that I'm a little bit shocked about is the fact that no one has made mention of the cliched black and red alicorn OC...then again it has been quite a while since I last saw someone complain about it. And before you ask, I don't have an artistic bone anywhere in my body.
You know, this character would be very crack fic worthy material if you ever got around to making one. Unless this is a crack fic, then good job. If it's not a crack fic then it's okay considering since it looks to be only the third story you've ever written so far.
6475545 What exactley is a crack fic?
So... Main, Gary Stu alicorn character refuses to have sex. We have a great plot, people!
(heavy sarcasm)
6483251
I understand
7363663 you dont have to say anything. i know exactly what youre thinking, its bad.