• Published 20th Sep 2015
  • 503 Views, 12 Comments

Radman Skateboards Into Your Heart - The Boy Zone



Radman skateboards his way into a hellish nightmare.

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Horsewitz

Radman looked out at the Nazi-esque internment camp that lay before him, soaking in the smell of feces and rotting carcasses. Aside from the odor and dead people smell however, it just seemed like a miniature town, albeit with armed tower guards. He noted that is seemed much more like Manzanar than Auschwitz, even with the utter lack of any depressed Asians. The town itself was certainly shoddy, moldy, rickety houses littered the lot, all surrounding a massive bronze vagina. Beyond that was a smattering of cafeterias, and various other run-down buildings. At the far end was a stage, with a hanging station, complete with an ominous noose.

"Hey skinny man!" Came a shrill voice smothered in neckfat, "get over here."

Radman complied, hopping on his skateboard and cruising to the source of the sound. He arrived in seconds, aided by his skateboard technology, and came to a stylish halt in front of this new human.

"Dude, I don't know who you are, but you need to hide!"

"What for my rotund friend?"

"IT'S A MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!" came the shrillest, most annoying and neck-fat-smothered voice yet.

Radman turned to see a majestic humpback whale lumbering toward him. He stared in awe, he'd never seen one before, especially not this far away from the ocean. He opened his arms in an inviting gesture, wishing to greet the gentle giant with a hug. At least, he would have, had he not seen the Tumblr logo on the beasts shirt, and the " this is what a feminist looks like" cardboard sign in its right hand.

"That's ableist!" shrieked the beast in a dialect almost recognizable as human speech, reading his thoughts thanks to the endless predictability of men, "some people don't have hands! Fucking bigot!"

"What's your problem bro?" inquired Radman.

The creature's eyes went blank, and Radman was almost certainly positive that it had just suffered from a heart attack.

This was not to be however, as the fat feminist's face began to turn an even darker shade of red. Steam billowed from it's nose and ears, as the sweat on its skin evaporated from the heat.

"DON'T YOU MISGENDER ME YOU CRETIN, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE A BA IN WOMEN'S STUDIES AND I WON'T STAND FOR TRANSPHOBIC FOOLS LIKE YOU! AS AN AGENDER DEMISEXUAL NECROQUEER I AM TO BE CALLED IT/THEY/SKREEP." It screamed, blasting diabetes, childhood obesity, and a litany of other fat-people diseases at poor Radman, who felt a bit slippery after being covered in the butter particles that laced skreep's every breath.

"My apologies skreep," replied Radman, who still kept his cool, "I didn't mean to trigger your obviously real PTSD, I was just expressing my otherkin nature."

Skreep visibly calmed down, taking on a much more pleasant stance.

"Hey now, why didn't you just say so earlier? What kind of kin are you? What are your pronouns?"

"Well skreep, they are skater/skateboard/skateself."

"Simply fascinating," the skreep replied, "come with us to our support group and introduce yourself."

Skreep lead Radman through the shoddily constructed culdesac, idly making conversation with Radman as they walked.

"You'll love it here, we have tons of food, lots of pointless protests, and a legion of chemically castrated bronies who do whatever we say because they understand that as powerful, oppressive, privileged beings they are subservient to us," she said as she walked along the backs of preteen bronies to keep her feet from touching the filthy ground, "what's your name anyway?"

"Radm- uhhh, Radfem Awesomecool," lied Radman through his pearly chompers.

Skreep tilted her uppermost mass of sweaty chins back and chortled.

"You'll fit in here."

When they arrived at the only well constructed building, Radfem stepped in without knocking. He was a cool guy who needn't adhere to the rules like some loser.

What he saw when he focused his viewing orbs on the room was so repulsive that Radfem had to literally choke himself in order to not puke.

It was a gargantuan creature, twice as massive as Skreep, who now looked like Farrah Fawcet in her prime.

"Mowakka hoopa tweepie Solo, hohoho." Shrieked the beast.

"The feminist queen says she is delighted to have a new woman on the crew," explained Anita Sarkeesian, who was chained up in a bikini.

"Hey I've seen you," said Radfem to Anita, "aren't you a feminist icon? Why are you chained up?"

"I-"

Upon her first syllable Anita was struck with a bat and dragged into another room.

"Anita has committed the heinous crime of being reasonable to look at, see, in order to promote body positivity we've outlawed hotness."

"So only ugly people are allowed to feel good about themselves?"

"Han ma boo-kee, keelee ka-lya dooka. Wadja da boolya ra Moy." Replied the Feminist Queen.

"The Feminist Queen says 'not necessarily," explained a newly bound Zoe Quinn, "basically if someone is white, thin, hot, a man, cis, straight, or able-bodied then you're a bigot by default and must check your privilege."

"So like, a homeless man is more privileged than Oprah?"

"Yes, wealth, social status and occupation are irrelevant, the only things that matter are gender, orientation, and skin color."

"Isn't that classist, racist, sexist, etc?"

"Not if you hate white men."

"But that makes no sense."

"TRIGGERED!!!" Cried JabbaFeminist Queen. Instantly the various fat women in the group melded into one, combining with the Feminist Queen to form a gigantic amorphous blob of pure anger and retardation. The hideous blob rushed towards Radfem, who in turn bolted out the door and skateboarded away as fast as he could. He traveled about a hundred feet before turning back to see that the beast had died of a heart attack.

"Well that was easy."

Comments ( 7 )

This is pure art. I want more of this gold. Radman needs to fuck more shit up.

This chapter really made me angry. Feminists are beautiful creatures and deserve respect. Stupid, white cis shits like you are the reason feminist aliens haven't visited Earth yet. I'll be putting you on my block list so all my feminist friends can see how much of an awful subhuman you are.

More Radman. More. He skateboarded right into my heart and I want him there more.

6874984
Working on chapter three. Have to balance between this and other projects, all while going to work and school.

6877649
Thank you. Thank you so much.

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