Not to Dash. .

Pinkie sure, rarity, who cares?

But Dash?

6174936
Pinkie is way more uncontrollable than Applejack and Rainbow combined and Rarity isn't gonna fight enough to make breaking fun.

i.imgur.com/oeD7Sbr.jpg

Good premise and detail but. .. I can't stand to see Dash like that.

Sadly I'll read it all just to see her turn this story into cupcakes nightmare on these guys. ..

Or ill just write a side story to that effect when it's done.

The mane six. .. revenge is magic.

Complete? Aw. Too bad, I would've liked to see it explored some more.

As it is, there are a bit too many exclamation points. That can be distracting at times. Which is a shame, since the description of what they did to Rainbow was pretty good. A little more detail on how they chained her up, but that's not really all that important. ^_^

This story is terrible.

It's not terrible only because it's terribly offensive, gross, devoid of actual plot, disrespectful to rape victims, incoherent, character breaking and much, much more.

It's also a stinky piece of shit because the vocabulary used is incredibly repetitive. How many times have you used the word shaft to mean penis? Or marehood to mean vagina? At least use the actual terms! Or are you too ashamed of what you are writting to actually describe what you are describing?

You have written a story completely void of implication. Character development isn't a thing here. Sure, sure, Rainbow became a slut, but does that matter? After all, according to the story's descriptions, not only did the stallions call her a slut, but that was what the objective narrator (You twits) said she was!

The setup is completely lacking. How many words are there leading up to the actual rape? Don't bother, I counted: 198. Barely four whole paragraphs. You're not even hiding that this is a rape fic. Not a psychological fic, not a fic containing rape, it's a rape fic. But don't worry! Lots of people have described rape and its effects well over the years! You're just not part of that group, due to your overall dismissall of the actual implications of the subject.

And that is why I'm glad to tell you this, PrincessCelestia123 : Your story sucks.

Aww... why did you mark this story as complete? Seriously needs a few more chapters of Dash taking multiple dicks in every hole, maybe 1-2 dicks in each hole at the same time.

6177067 Go bend over for your dad like you secretly dream about doing. If you don't like what a fic is about, don't click on it just to try and shit on the author.

6177067 I wonder if there is such a thing as an anti-rape-fetish. Because looking at the passion with which so many people are jerking off over hating on fictional rape porn here is amazing. I mean it's either that or you're not even understanding the basic concept of porn and I don't know what would be more troublesome.

6177067
It IS a rape fic, nothing more, nothing less. There's a-lot of rape stories out there, some of them are longer and have development, and there are some of them some like the one I wrote with none. I'm writing a piece of clop, if I don't wish to include development and just have it be 100% clop, I can. It is my story. I've done that a few times now already.

I've written two other fics including rape, so I'm not ashamed of it. How many times did I use the word shaft or another word over penis? Don't bother, I counted. The word shaft was only used nine times, and the word cock was used twenty-two, the word length twice, stallionhood four times, pole once, and the word inches twice. The word marehood was used five times, walls five times, slit once, pussy twice, folds four, and cunt four times. I do not usually use the word penis or vagina in my stories. Maybe I could throw in some more words to spice up the first chapter, but it is what it is.

6177067

Editor here.

"It's also a stinky piece of shit because the vocabulary used is incredibly repetitive. How many times have you used the word shaft to mean penis? Or marehood to mean vagina? At least use the actual terms! Or are you too ashamed of what you are writting to actually describe what you are describing?"

So... you're calling my vocabulary repetitive, then go on to suggest I use the SAME word for the SAME thing throughout the entire fic?

What kind of fucked-up logic is that?

It is blatantly obvious you are trolling. If you don't like rape-fics, that's fine with me. You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into when you read the description of the story. Not like you care, anyway. You simply came here to make an idiot of yourself, so congrats. Have a cookie.

Hey, author, i just came here to say thanks for having balls to publish this kind of story. I havent read it fully , but i see where its going . I love read dark stuff and i think its cool to have something like this once in a while - its really refreshing and interesting. Soo yeah, you have my respect. Cheers.

6177243
I'm gonna be making maybe two more chapters, they'll hopefully be out soon.

6177579
Thank you!

6177263 So... I shouldn't say what I think about a story, even when I think it's bad? If you wanna play happy-sunshine-dictator, go do it on your own blog, but not on a website like Fimfiction, which is dedicated to amateur writing and critique.

6177553
Repetition: Noun: the act of repeating, or doing, saying, or writing something again; repeated action, performance, production, or presentation.

Yes, I said you repeated the same words over and over again, which made your vocabulary repetitive. That is the very definition of repetitive. I don't understand what problem you have with that part of the comment.

And no, I'm not trolling. Believe it or not, I like to explain to people why I don't like what they write. Just because there's something I don't like doesn't automatically mean I'm not going to read it just because. Plus, how am I supposed to know whether or not I like a fic before clicking on it? If the subject was handled better, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. It Dash's character had a bit more space, maybe I wouldn't have had a problem with it.

But such as it stands, you didn't do any of the things that constitute a good story. To be clear, you broke twelve of Mark Twain's 18 rules of writing. That's how bad this story is.

6177363 I have no problem with the representation of rape or porn in literature, or in anyother art form, as long as the subject is handled with care. This story didn't, and has an obvious disdain of the mere concept of characterization, or anything that isn't the rape itself. It is, in my view, absolutely disgusting.

6177514 You can do a story without anything but clop. Just expect people to think it's shit and, every once in a while, expect someone to tell you it's shit.

6179357

If you're so high-and-mighty about fic writing, why don't you write one your-damn-self?

Oh, wait, you don't want to, because you're too busy belittling others who do not write to your insatiable appetite for Shakespearean quality literature.

Why the fuck are you even looking for a complicated story in something that's basically used as porn?

6179375 Yep, doesn't get the concept of porn then.

6181049 Porn doesn't inherently avoid good characters. There's no checklist for how to write pornography, it's all up to personal preference, and it just so happen that I hate this story for the points listed in my first comment. However, I want to ask you a question: If a porno makes you care for the characters, creates an interesting scenario and gives meaning to the sex, would that make it a bad porno? Because that's what you're suggesting here.

6179545 So, your story is good because I haven't published a story yet? Solid argument.

Actually, it's not. Sure, it's porn. That doesn't make it good automatically. Actually, I'd say it's low-level, even by pornographic standards.

6179545 Also, if you want, you can read many of my 2000+ words reviews if you ever doubt the quantity of writing I actually do.

Don't listen to Lunar Dusk, if he actually cared about helping your writing he wouldn't be such an asshole about it. I, for one, liked this story because it was what I wanted. A short shameless rapefic. Good job

"So... you're calling my vocabulary repetitive, then go on to suggest I use the SAME word for the SAME thing throughout the entire fic?"

This sentence makes my brain hurt.
That is exactly what repetitive means.

6198399

Let me clarify.

Lunar Dusk called the word choice of the fic repetitive.

He then proceeds to tell me that I should use repetitive vocabulary (penis/vagina instead of all the other colorful substitutes for both), contradicting himself.

Seeing as how this changed to incomplete, do you need any help with where you want this to go?

I can also help with editing if you like. That's not to say that Starfflame didn't already do a good job!

I'm not really into this stuff...I read these for fun. I guess it's okay by clop standards. The ending though, wow, way to make it depressing.

anymore?

It's fun just reading the comments, always one guy who thinks his opinion is the only one that matters and thinks if he just says it everyone will agree. If you want to see the lowest of low read some of Headless Rainbow's stuff, this writer is a child writer compared to her

6177067

(1) This story is terrible.

(1) care to elaborate or are we going to play the pronoun game?

It's not terrible only because it's (1)terribly offensive, gross, (2)devoid of actual plot, (3)disrespectful to rape victims, (4) incoherent, character breaking and much, much more.

(1) first of all, it’s extremely obvious judging by the obvious implications of the title and the ONLY warning on the story itself that it was going to be a rape story.

(2) A simple straightforward plot is a plot nonetheless, just because you have a personal problem with it for some reason, doesn’t make it any less valid.

(3) No. . .it’s not. In any way, shape or form is this disrespectful to rape victims. And instead of playing the pronoun game like you’re doing, I’ll explain why. First, these characters aren’t real. Second, it obviously isn’t made to make fun of actual rape victims. Third, the entire story isn’t making any outlandish remarks nor minimising what some rape victims felt.

(4) incoherent: expressed in an incomprehensible or confusing way. Please, tell me which part of this story written in English makes no sense to you, someone who, apparently, can write in English as well.

It's also a stinky piece of shit because the vocabulary used is incredibly repetitive. How many times have you used the word (1)shaft to mean penis? Or (2) marehood to mean vagina? At least use the actual terms! Or are you too (4) ashamed of what you are writting to actually describe what you are describing?

(1) Would you feel better if the word schlong was used? I mean, this word does mean penis after all? How about the word cock instead? Would that work for you?

(2) would you feel better if the word twat was used? It’s a vulgar term for vagina after all.

You have written a story completely void of (1)implication. Character (2) development isn't a thing here. Sure, sure, Rainbow became a slut, but does that matter? After all, according to the story's descriptions, not only did the stallions call (3) her a slut, but that was what the (4) objective narrator (You twits) said she was!

(1) You’re right about this. There’s was no implying during the entire story. Why? Because there were actions taken, not implications. Just as an fyi, instead of using fancy schmancy words, check the meaning of a word you’re not entirely sure as to what it means.

Implication: the conclusion that can be drawn from something although it is not explicitly stated.

Like this, for example.

(2) It’s a rape fanfic. There’s no need for character development if it’s going to be a one-shot.

(3) Would you feel better if the rapists talked with a posh British accent while twirling their moustaches? They are rapists dude, they aren’r supposed to be pleasant in any way.

(4) no one told this story, you nitwit. We did read the story, which makes us, what’s the word, ah yes. The READER of this story, and in case it wasn’t obvious to you, you’re also a reader of this story, you dimwit.

The setup is (1) completely lacking. How many words are there leading up to the actual rape? Don't bother, I counted: 198. Barely four whole paragraphs. You're not even (2) hiding that this is a rape fic. Not a psychological fic, not a fic containing rape, (3) it's a rape fic. But don't worry! (4) Lots of people have described rape and its effects well over the years! You're just not part of that group, due to your overall dismissall of the actual implications of the subject.

(1) the setting was perfectly fine, though a bit rushed. After all, the entire main setting of the story is where RD was raped in, so there’s no need to elaborate much there.

(2) Did. . .did you even read the only freaking warning on the story? It clearly states: warning, contains rape.

(3) No shit Sherlock.

(4) Describing rape? Dom]n’t you mean writing rape? Rape existed ever since sex existed, you’re not really putting anything new on the plate.

And that is why I'm glad to tell you this, PrincessCelestia123 : (1) Your story sucks.

(1) and that’s why I am glad to tell you this, you haven’t written a single freaking story, Lunar Dusk.

6179291

So... I (1)shouldn't say what I think about a story, (2) even when I think it's bad? If (3) you wanna play happy-sunshine-dictator, go do it on your own blog, (4) but not on a website like Fimfiction, (5) which is dedicated to amateur writing and critique.

(1) you can say anything you want, just don’t expect to be praised, respected or admired when you’re insulting a story you don’t like.

(2) a good story and a bad story have one thing in common. Personal opinions. If you think that the story is bad, then that’s your personal opinion, just like I think it’s a decent rape story.

(3) going from 0-100 real fucking quick, aren't you.

(4) care to show which well written stories you made gained a positive response from the people here? Judging by the fact that you only have one blog post, with only 8 words in total, I don’t think you can.

6179357

Repetition: (1)Noun: the act of repeating, or doing, saying, or writing something again; repeated action, performance, production, or presentation.

(1) And yet you’re insinuating that the author must use the word penis and vagina for the entire duration of the story to describe what the characters are doing. I don’t know about you, but that sounds repetitive to me.

Yes, I said you repeated the same words over and over again, which made your vocabulary repetitive. That is the very definition of repetitive. I don't (1)understand what (2)problem you have with that part of the comment.

(1) you obviously don’t understand, it’s quite clear you don’t.

(2) the problem here is that, just like people have assholes, not everyone wants to see or hear what comes out of them.

And no, I'm not (1)trolling. Believe it or not, (2)I like to explain to people why I don't like what they write. Just because there's something I don't like doesn't automatically mean I'm not going to read it just because. Plus, how am I supposed to know whether or not I like a fic before clicking on it? If the (3)subject was handled better, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. It Dash's character had a bit more space, maybe I wouldn't have had a problem with it.

(1) you’re not smart enough to be a troll. You’re what most people would call, an asshole.

(2) You haven’t explained anything at all. You’ve stated and described why you don’t like the story, that much is painfully obvious. Complaining that the story isn’t descriptive enough, character orientated enough or has enough room for character development isn’t telling us (or anyone for that matter) how the story can be improved. Not like your written works can be used as a reference, since you don’t have any.

(3) The mere fact you’re insinuating that there’s a right way on how to handle a rape story, is insulting towards rape victims. See how that rhetoric works when it’s used against you?

But such as it stands, you didn't do any of the (1)things that constitute a good story. (1)To be clear, you broke twelve of Mark Twain's 18 rules of writing. That's how bad this story is.

(1) Neither have you, so. . .

(2) Ah, the wonderful pronoun game. Care to elaborate which of the 12 rules of Mark Twain a rape story broke?

6179379

You can do a story without anything but clop. Just expect (1)people to think it's shit and, every once in a while, (2)expect someone to tell you it's shit.

(1) You’re a perfect example of people calling you a POS right now.

(2) Just like everyone who has replied to your comments, these people think your a garbage piece of a human being.

6181900

So, your story is (1)good because I haven't published a story yet? Solid argument.

Actually, it's not. Sure, it's porn. That doesn't make it good automatically. Actually, I'd say (2) it's low-level, even by pornographic standards.

(1) No, you nitwit. The point is that, how can you state, let alone declare, that this story is poorly written without giving examples on how to improve said story, edit the story or have your own stories to prove to us (the people who’re doubting everything you’ve said so far) that you can actually write a good story that’s well received.

(2) Stating that it’s low level without explaining why it is low level is something both stupid and intellectually dishonest on your part. Not like I would expect anything productive or useful coming from you.