- Member Since 24th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen Jan 11th, 2017
PrincessCelestia123
I enjoy writing about ponies. Mostly ponies having about sex.
PrincessCelestia123
Joined 24th Dec, 2013 ·
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Meh.
4306026
4307215
xD
Nice pictures you got there.
P2, "of Vinyl's" Same v, and you need an apostrophe
P4, "go Vinyl" I think you're looking for go, and the V needs to be capitalized
P6 "Vinyl's" same v
P9 "You're" needs an apostrophe
P10, 11, and 12 it should be Berry Punch, not Berrypunch. The latter seems stiff and unreasonable.
P13 Canterlot should be capitalized.
Last paragrah felt a tad bit rushed, and it should be "Berry's"
Otherwise, nice premise and not too shabby.
4308086
::
Heh, thanks for pointing out those.
It's really rushed...
Love the picture.
I really like this chapter. Now that all the pieces have been dropped into place, the speed of the story seems slows down a bit to a pleasant pace. Letting the characters interact and share in a lovely way that I was missing so far.
I look forward to the next chapter.
4313616 I second this.
What?
4315481
Oh wow xD
That's my mistake, accidental copy paste.
Thanks! '
4315481 we were ready to ask, what that was doing in this story
On another note.... Good chapter! And a highly enjoyable story! A few spelling mustakes here and there but it did not take away from the story.
Good job and I hope to read more when you create them!
"THERE 'LL BE HELL TO PAY"
OH gosh Berry! What have you done?
4370203 I concure!
Updated but not?
4386245 xD
I accidentally hit publish before I was fully done, that's why there was no chapter 7
Mistakes*
Berry...
i could have sworn we'd been here before...
not bad. the whole story could use a polishing up, but over looking the relatively minor grammatical errors, this was very good. although i'm going to admit that we had some more thorough details on the specifics of Berries stallionhood (length, width, coloring, ball size, etc), but i think that might just be me. i just always thought that it made it easier to imagine the more raunchy parts of a story.
Ohmygosh, you're alive.
It's nice to see Octy and Berry enjoying their time together. It is good how we're given a bit of insight into both of them, though one is more subtle than the other. On the one hand we've got Octy dealing with her embarrassment, and she shows how willing she is to accommodate Berry, including facing up to her nightmare scenario. On the other, Berry demonstrates her idea of having a good time includes mandatory drinking, and that she wants to share that concept of a good time. The negative thing is that in Berry's probably genuine effort to get Octy to loosen up, she's not really respecting Octy's boundaries.
I like this chapter. The pacing is a little more relaxed than usual, and if I compare it to the Gilda/Twi date, I can hardly believe how much you improved.
Though, I do have to say: One speaker per paragraph.
Seriously, it is confusing as all hell if you swap speakers mid paragraph.
Continue.
The.
Story.
Please
Need.
More.
OctaviaxPunch.
4396126 this story looks familiar. It is almost like an OctiScratch fix that I read a while ago just after I joined the site. Very good story though but minus a few points for the very minor grammatical errors. Other than that the story was great.