• Member Since 24th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Jan 11th, 2017


I enjoy writing about ponies. Mostly ponies having about sex.

Comments ( 28 )

P2, "of Vinyl's" Same v, and you need an apostrophe
P4, "go Vinyl" I think you're looking for go, and the V needs to be capitalized
P6 "Vinyl's" same v
P9 "You're" needs an apostrophe
P10, 11, and 12 it should be Berry Punch, not Berrypunch. The latter seems stiff and unreasonable.
P13 Canterlot should be capitalized.
Last paragrah felt a tad bit rushed, and it should be "Berry's"

Otherwise, nice premise and not too shabby.

Heh, thanks for pointing out those.

It's really rushed...

Love the picture. :raritywink:

I really like this chapter. Now that all the pieces have been dropped into place, the speed of the story seems slows down a bit to a pleasant pace. Letting the characters interact and share in a lovely way that I was missing so far.
I look forward to the next chapter. :twilightsmile:

Dragging her hot wet organ up the large thick cock, hearing more moans escaping Gilda lay on her back panting softly, her front legs wrapped around Twilight who lay on top of her, sleeping lightly. The beautiful mare sweating lightly. Her horn was dripping lightly onto her but Gilda didn't mind really. They had finished up cleaning themselves off after their fun and Twilight had ended up falling asleep on top of her as the two of them cuddled with eachother. She slowly slid out from under her lover, setting her down on the bed and pulling the blankets over her, writing a note she'd be home soon. Gilda just hoped Twilight could read her writing! Deciding to head out and get some fresh air, Gilda took a few bits from Twilight, not a lot but enough to buy a little something.



Oh wow xD
That's my mistake, accidental copy paste.
Thanks! ' :scootangel:

4315481 we were ready to ask, what that was doing in this story

On another note.... Good chapter! And a highly enjoyable story! A few spelling mustakes here and there but it did not take away from the story.

Good job and I hope to read more when you create them!

"I just hope what vinyl said isn't true, if my mother saw the paper..."


OH gosh Berry! What have you done?

4386245 xD
I accidentally hit publish before I was fully done, that's why there was no chapter 7 :twilightblush:

i could have sworn we'd been here before...:derpyderp2:

not bad. the whole story could use a polishing up, but over looking the relatively minor grammatical errors, this was very good. although i'm going to admit that we had some more thorough details on the specifics of Berries stallionhood (length, width, coloring, ball size, etc), but i think that might just be me. i just always thought that it made it easier to imagine the more raunchy parts of a story.

Ohmygosh, you're alive. :pinkiegasp:

It's nice to see Octy and Berry enjoying their time together. It is good how we're given a bit of insight into both of them, though one is more subtle than the other. On the one hand we've got Octy dealing with her embarrassment, and she shows how willing she is to accommodate Berry, including facing up to her nightmare scenario. On the other, Berry demonstrates her idea of having a good time includes mandatory drinking, and that she wants to share that concept of a good time. The negative thing is that in Berry's probably genuine effort to get Octy to loosen up, she's not really respecting Octy's boundaries.

I like this chapter. The pacing is a little more relaxed than usual, and if I compare it to the Gilda/Twi date, I can hardly believe how much you improved.

Though, I do have to say: One speaker per paragraph.
Seriously, it is confusing as all hell if you swap speakers mid paragraph. :pinkiecrazy::applejackconfused:

Please :fluttershysad:

4396126 this story looks familiar. It is almost like an OctiScratch fix that I read a while ago just after I joined the site. Very good story though but minus a few points for the very minor grammatical errors. Other than that the story was great.

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