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I think this chapter's gonna polarize your readers. As for me? I'm reserving judgement until I see just how deep the consequences will be for all the characters.
Nice bit of world building though, it's quite creative for a clopfic and it does remind me a lot of Xenophilia. However, I feel that it's going to cause more friction for the readers who stayed for the story and are just enduring the sex scenes.
7091446 This, as the guy writing the initial concept, is actually meant to be entirely story. Also, if you found that clop scene at the end tasteful and sexy...I don't agree with you. I don't really think it was meant to be like that. Come on, is she really enjoying herself?
...Don't worry, they'll get through this.
EDIT: What I mean is that the ending with Maya made me feel sorry for her, and rather saddened that she's going through this. It still shows it's a very good story, but still...that's how I saw it. Hence why if you turn the music on (Which I put in) it plays a sad piano song over the Maya and Vinyl.
7091446
Believe me, I know. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried. It felt like this was where the story needed to go, but I'm still taking a huge risk here in a story that's already had plenty. As you say, I think what'll make or break this is how I handle the next chapter with all the consequences and aftermath. So stay tuned.
7091466
While I agree it wasn't tasteful, the scenes in this chapter are still quite unique. Haven't seen one as well thought as this in a while. Do keep in mind that I am one of those readers that are just sticking around for the story but I do realize the importance to these scenes. Whether continued exposure to this would turn me off from the rest of the story is still up in the air but to be fair, it does keep me interested, if just to see what the consequences are.
Especially on Maya's character growth...Well, you'll hear from me again if what I fear does come into play.
7091492 I honestly like seeing both those kind of scenes. If warms my heart to see Phoenix and Twilight get to happily enjoy each other's company.
Like seeing someone cuddling their faithful dog. Except it's a totally sapient pony that Phoenix is in love with. Which is even more heartwarming, to me anyway.
I really need to clean my monitor.
Don't want your ugly, don't want your disease. Don't want your anything even if that shit is free.
What me worry!? Yes, me worry! I'm going to die!!
"Hey! I'm decent and I do that all the time!"
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/8/1/64352__safe_plot_roseluck_rose+%28flower%29_artist-colon-jan_picture+perfect+pony.png
Get back in the Five Star Service review!
Well, you have gained 15% resistance to taint and 10% against radiation. Sadly, you will no longer gain new abilities from leveling up.
Jeez, dude. She's a pony. Do you have any idea how long an equine dick is? Be happy you do anything with her at all. Some of us aren't so fortunate!
That's a cute little metaphor there!
Can Kaspersky do it instead?
derpicdn.net/img/2013/8/20/405261/thumb.png
Okay, fine. You do it.
Thank you Tommy Wiseau for ruining that last sentence for everybody. OHAI MARK!
No, not like that! It's exactly like that...
It's quite cold actually. Because I'm dead!
Be thankful you didn't get the full-blown stumping!
AJ didn't actually come up with that though: Her great, great, great, Uncle Neighthin Redfurred Forest did. The ponies of Tennesteed still speak of his deeds.
I read the sex scene during the pre-read. I haven't got any jokes for it. It's put together nicely and is par for this story's course. Human females aren't really my thing, but it's all good.
I did not see that coming. At all. I was really shocked pre-reading this part. We'll see where it goes.
7091686
Look, everyone! A hilarious joke!
revolutionsf.com/revblogs/ubalblog/files/2016/01/good-kid-2.jpg
7091446 I agree with your points on the story, but I just gotta ask: Did Xenophilia really grab you as a story? To me the story was by far the worst part of it — some very nifty headcanon aside. What got me was that clop! Such amazing clop.
7091686
"The silence might have lasted for about a few seconds or a few minutes. Neither party could tell exactly. The river of time had come up against a dam and it was quite a while before the young mystic finally spoke." Crap, I think that might have been me. Might have been Firesight, but I'm pretty sure it was me. I get the feeling. I tend to use water motifs to symbolise the flow of time occasionally. I think I picked it up from playing Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time.
Gah.
Oh dear.
Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns.
Twilight, it's OK, like he said, he panicked, I mean, if something similar happened to you, you'd probably panic too.
Twilight, he's not going to leave you. Phoenix Wright is not that kind of person.
Just let it all out.
Maybe it would be best if you two calmed down a bit first...
Good point.
Phoenix, you know that's not true.
Right, right, well, in "romance novels" everything tends to be exagerated.
Maybe you're getting used to being a low to no magic environment and you're adapting, I dunno.
NO. Twilight isn't that kind of mare, and you know it.
Oh, oh dear.
... How old is Maya?
Fix.
I like this.
I should hope not.
No.
Dude, buddy, c'mere a sec. These sorts of witty comments are kinda my shtick, and, you're kinda doing my job for me.
Yep.
I dunno, maybe, if she is though, she's got a healthy immune system, or at least healthy enough that being an albino doesn't bother her physically.
Good answer.
Why not just say Luna?
Damn filly.
So that's the pony pun.
... How old is she again?
a vary interesting chapter and if this is going the way I think not telling thinks are going to get compacted before to much longer.
That's odd... I can't seem to have access to the newest chapter?
7092434 What do you mean? Is there a display problem?
7091937 To answer your question, she's actually the same age as Franziska, 18, in her first appearance.
7092434 7092467
As you're now the second person to tell me that, I feel I have no choice to remove the special-effects text title which it seems was causing issues for some browsers. You should be able to see the chapter now.
7092564 There was a special effect? Well, I'm sorry that my computer doesn't allow me to see it then
7091937
Then you understand Phoenix's reaction perfectly.
Changed.
He does, but fears like that aren't exactly rational.
Including this one.
Close enough. There'll be an answer later.
He does know it, but again, fears like that aren't exactly rational, especially after what just happened. And besides he's still a defense lawyer; it's in his nature to question things like that. Being a defense lawyer, he needs proof. As for where he gets it... stay tuned.
At the time of AA: Justice for All, she was eighteen. I wouldn't do this if she wasn't.
Fixed.
Good!
I've heard one theory that the reason for her white coat and red eyes is that she's a full albino and she actually dyes her normally pale mane and tail electric blue. It's also why she wears the glasses, due to the light sensitivity. Doesn't explain her apparent muteness in the movies, though.
I'm glad, because I was terrified she'd come across all wrong. First and foremost, she had to want to help Maya, not just herself.
Changed to just say the moon.
Vinyl has certainly been around the block!
And for once, I can say I came up with it myself.
Eighteen. Again, if she wasn't, I wouldn't have touched this. Note that Turnabout Storm takes place after Justice for All, where she was stated in the character profiles to be that age. http://aceattorney.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_Profiles_in_Phoenix_Wright:_Ace_Attorney:_Justice_For_All
7091686
Dude, cover your mouth when you sneeze! Unfortunately, I've had to remove it since it's apparently causing some readers browser issues.
Careful, Rose. You go after Phoenix, Twilight might take exception...!
And worse, now Phoenix has to do an initiative roll to see if screws Twilight again.
Longer, yes, but they also don't generally go as deep because they typically only sink to the medial ridge when mounting from behind given the long reach involved. Mating belly to belly, which is less awkward for him, Phoenix can beat that.
That one's from JC!
Um... reference?
Poor Celly. "Mia, I would like permission to screw your young sister in order to save her sanity..."
Yeah, well, after all the illegal apple moonshine he made and smuggled it over the south, General Shermane said there would be no peace in Tennesteed until Forest was gelded.
Everyone seems to more or less share that opinion. Thanks for reviewing as always. And it was in part intended to shock... but hopefully it wasn't bad for it. Here's hoping I can keep it going...
7092631
That's okay. Hope you enjoy the chapter now, at least...
Guh! The "misunderstanding / false liar-revealed" cliche, it burns!... Then again, I guess he WAS with Dahlia for a bit, so whatever.
Well, at least it didn't last long. Good on you.
Hmm, not bad. It all fell neatly into place, and it offered some neat exposition.
Calm down, F14m3rz. It's because of Dahlia. Yeah, all of this is entirely necessary to the plot, especially in regards to something both parties are wholly aware of the fact that this was a complete accident. Just 10,000 more words, and it should be over and done with.
Oh, right, Maya hating Twilight, this was also a thing... *sigh* I REALLY don't want to go through that again. Maya may not be my favorite character or anything, but as long as she's Maya, things should be good. If she isn't Maya... well then, life will be awfully disappointing.
Not quite sure why you're surprised. After all, didn't part of your character revolve around disliking Twilight due to your thirst for a time? Even if you try to displace such thoughts, they will always resurface; it's why people are always whining about getting triggered online.
Hmm... Is California one of the 40 states?... Ah, looks like it's not. Hopefully she's 18 by this point in time.
Strangely enough, she was more intimidating in her first case than she was in the case for Phoenix. The power of the tutorial level?
Poor Pearl, people keep using her channeling powers. Hopefully no one decides to take advantage of her in the near future.
Someone who's an rookie prosecutor, but incredibly talented at music... Klavier Gavin?
cdn.makeagif.com/media/9-17-2015/nf7vt9.gif
No, that can't be right... of course! Vinyl!
...
Eh, some people roleplay.
The story could use some more FlutterDash, given that it's based on Turnabout Storm, but I think it's all right for the most part. See you later.
7092631 May I ask what browser, OS, or computer you're using? I've done a Google search on the effect, and there really does not seem to be ANY reports of that particular effect causing any problems. I'm genuinely confused.
...Seriously, nobody print-screened it. I must admit, that's a little frustrating. Wait, scratch that. Moderately frustrating.
7091710
Well, that's a bit complicated. I did like it as a story back then, when I was still starting out in the site. Gratuitous amounts of clop aside, it still had a lot of world building that's influenced a lot of fics (including this one and its predecessor!). Though looking at it now, the story in itself has not aged well.
7092893
7091710
Can I chip in my ideas?
Xenophilia would be way better if the main human, Lero, was actually a decent character. He's really just boring as hell. He's seriously generic, boring, and even has male Mary Sue traits to him. That, and his weird ass backstory was totally thrown out. If they replaced him with Navarone from a Diaries of a Madman, we might be going somewhere. Or hell, maybe someone like Phoenix.
...Or Apollo Justice. Actually, let's ship that. Rainbow and Apollo. Or maybe shipped with Luna instead.
(I'm just kidding don't actually do that)
(Well okay maybe go ahead and do that if you really want)
(I won't stop you, even if I cared, which I don't)
Gathering all her courage, Vinyl raised her brown eyes to friend’s larger red
Vinyl's eyes are red. Maya's are brown.
It worked for me.
7092893 My first readthrough as a newbie Fimfic user brought all sorts of stuff to love about it and I still love the worldbuilding today. I even add some of the concepts and ideas to my own fics like ponies having a towel near the front door for guests to dry off with after coming inside from the rain. Little details that made the ponies seem like their own alien civilization out there in the nether dimension someplace.
I loved the story up until chapter four or five when it became obvious that for the author's talents for worldbuilding, anatomical considerations and detail for sex scenes, and a real creativity for setting up interesting scenarios didn't translate to telling a story.The pacing was... urrrgggh! Some of the worst I've seen, ever. There wasn't even a perfunctory effort at establishing the triangle between RD, Lero, and Twilight. In fact, there were actions taken that undermined the very premise the story was trying to sell me! Seriously, is AA homophobic? With all the havering on about how RD is decidedly not gay and Twilight has no interest in RD sexually, I have to wonder. I won't even get started on zen badass Lyra; poor Firesight has already heard the rant more times than either of us can count. Rest assured it was time that could have better been used explaining why Lero was going to enter into a herd against his human inclinations towards pair-bonding.
I never read past chapter ten, but I heard that it was only at the very end of the story when the story even bothered to explain how Lero came to be there in the first place.
Xenophilia is something I'd never come across before, and will likely never find again: a dreadfully-written story, by a very gifted human being. There's enough right about it to prove the author's advanced intelligence, and enough wrong with it to make me wonder where the hell it all went when it came to progressing the story. I honestly felt like it was wrong on purpose in places. Was AA shielding his psyche by deliberately failing at storycraft? I do love all the great stories that spawned from it though. HiE clop is the house that Xenophilia built.
Try this one if you got region blocked.
Somehow appropriate for this chapter.
7093154
Oops! Fixed. Glad to know it worked for you.
7094074
Can't watch it because it's telling me the content is not available in the U.S. Oh well.
7094282
Shame, I'll still be following the animated series just to see any additional interactions.
7092893
You're definitely right it influenced TAS and this one, as well as the Rise of Firefly spinoff. I still think it's a masterpiece of worldbuilding and has some equally exquisite clop scenes, but my
7092920
I've said this before, I'll say it again--I think that Xenophilia's anonymous author is a girl. Reason being, Lero strikes me as some girl's idea of the perfect guy. Yes, I agree fully he's a bit of a Mary Sue, too perfect and nice, too sensitive and knowledgeable. However, I can overlook that. My biggest complaint is actually the places the story didn't go--how he got there after teasing it in a scene with Celly, or how Lyra got invited in. Too many gaps in the main story that's still only partially filled in by side stories that have sprung up around it.
7093245
Actually, if memory serves she DOES have interest, but Rainbow doesn't reciprocate... at least, not until a side story.
It really is. And for that reason, I still look upon it fondly. Look at it this way--there'd be no Gentlemanverse or now-named Phoenixverse if not for that one story.
7094289
Still no. I'll try and find a watchable link later.
7094319
Talking of which, I've made a bookshelf for every story in the Phoenixverse, only including stories that are official canon to the Firesight/Leo Archon canon. As in, THE Phoenixverse canon.
This includes Rise of Firefly.
https://www.fimfiction.net/bookshelf/841584/phoenix-verse-saga
(Note the icon showing on the bookshelf has Twilight Sparkle on it looking sexy)
(It's based on the...main shtick of the verse. Well, one of the main shticks.)
7094319 My vote is on Lero being a self-insert by a beta-male provider type who just wanted to fulfill the greatest dream of any brony — landing a three way with the two most popular Mane Six ponies. It would explain the distorted view on what a woman wants.
7094745
I'm taking that as a compliment, thanks! Though an even graver test of my writing ability comes in the latest chapter... and perhaps the one that will follow it.
Hmm... okay, lemme try and write out a good review to this.
But this confuses me..... firstly, isn't Luna the uyounger sister? :o
OKAY, review time!
I liked how this was written, it was nice, had some good moments in both good and bad, and I liked the conflict that they all had. It was fitting. I think that you wrote out Vinyl Scratch really well, her personality I believe you captured awesomely, and the little moment between her and Maya was sweet, I loved that.
Also... I won't lie, when I saw the little warning thing about F/F Action and Nick and Twi came up, I won't lie when I say I thought he was going to turn into a mare or something... hahahaha.
So, awesome job on this chapter man, long chapter, well written, I say you did very well.
Good job, good job.
Sorry I lack the ability to comment better.
7094856
I meant MAYA'S big sister. I'll clarify the text... done.
I'm very happy to hear you say all that, since I was very worried about how it would all come across. Sounds like you liked their 'little moment', then. I'm very glad!
I figured that people would guess Maya and Celestia, only to be surprised by Vinyl's appearance, but this works too.
Dude... your comment is just fine! And certainly appreciated!
7095034
OOooh, my bad, I was confused.
To me it came across rather well, you did good man, legit! So don't be worried. And yeah, I enjoyed both 'moments' both the talk and the fun parts
There's a chapter I would like to see
I'm glad it is acceptable, keep up the fantastic work man! Can't wait for another update.
7094831 I'd focus more on the heartwarming aspects. I think this is enough conflict, probably.
But we need to have Maya and Twilight talk things out. who's with me?
7092822 I'm using a very old computer and I mean old... So it may not have the capability to apply the special effect title chapter in mind... Oh and sorry for not getting a screenshot of it... I honestly have no idea on how to do so
7096466 That will be why then. It's always people with old as hell PC's. Another guy said he had the same problem and also said HIS computer was old as hell.
I've done google searches for this kind of error, but nothing's coming up. Seriously, I've NEVER heard of this particular problem before.
7096466 Here's a small test on my part, let's see how your PC renders this...
Ḛ͎͔̞̄͊͢͞ͅX͈̙̯̄͋A̴̻̼̻̼̘ͭ̒̒̓͂͝͞M̢̛͙̲͖̬͇ͧ̌̇̽ͣͩP͇͈͎͍͖̭̈̒ͥ̊̀L̞̗̹̺͍̯͍͎ͮ̇͞ͅĘ͈̼͈͓̲͔͕̼͍̓̑̈̂͌ͮͨ̕ ̡͖̥̊ͪ̔̔͢E̢̛̜̬͑ͬ̂ͬ̉̎ͬͯ͞X̝͖͎̅̓̆̀͠A͇̠̣̞͚̺ͣͩͪ̊M̨͉̦͉̯͉̬̗̣͒̈̆͟P̵̨̠̦͚̘̣̜̪̘̓̈ͭ͛̽̒̚Ḽ͕̻͔̞̜͖̑ͤͯ̆́̏͊ͭͩͅȄ̷̥͕̙̖̥͈̥̥̎ ̷͉̲̠̻̌͌́E̡ͬ̅͒͊̽̐͏͓̬̟̮̠̹X̙̫͙̀̚ͅA̵̮̥̱͓͎ͭ͐ͩḾ͕ͤ͋̃̉͂ͧ̊P͖̀ͤ̄͒̔̏̀͞L̞̲͔̏E̷̛͓̙̰̘̲ͤ
Ȩ̶̢X̴͜AMP̸̀L̛͠E̛ ̡͡E̶̢̡X͘A҉M̵̧͜P̕͏LĘ̕ ͝E̛͢X̴͜A̛ḾP̷L̵E͝҉͏
So, uhh...how does that look? The first one should have random symbols coming off the text going up and down, and the second one should only have symbols throughout the text itself.
7097279 Zalgo text really? This PC can apparently can see it fine but whatever special text was use for the chapter name I can't see? Now I really don't know
7097310 I was using the exact same text effect for the title. If that comment renders fine, maybe it's only if it's in the chapter title's box, I dunno.
7097325 Ah okay, now I see... weirdly, I can read a book name in Zalgo text (Thank PresentPerfect for trying that) perfectly fine and as I've said, in the comments as well. To hear that said text doesn't work on chapter names... that's rather interesting
7097496
Sorry about all the trouble. Looks like the text is fine in the chapter body, but not the chapter title for whatever reason. So after all that, were you finally able to read the new chapter?
7098172 Oh I did... I am increasingly getting worried right now for all characters specifically Maya the most...
7100430 I'm personally worried about Phoenix. Or I would be, if I wasn't so on-board with the writing team.
7094360
Its on Cruchyroll.com in America and they even have an alternate subtitle option so you can chose between the Japanese names and the English names we've all come to know and love.
Interesting
This is an very interesting story!!! I love Maya in this and hope to see more development. And it was an very intense chapter. I'm getting a bi sense from Maya also. And I wonder what's going to happen with her and Nick. Keep up the great work!
7135885
Sorry for not answering sooner. I'm very happy to hear this! Maya has more or less become the glue that holds this thing together since a lof it revolves around her and trying to come to terms with her unresolved feelings for Nick and jealousy towards Twilight. Is she bi? I'd say that Vinyl's right and that she more into people than gender. That doesn't mean she's ready to acknowledge or accept that yet, though, but was pretty much forced to here...
What will happen with her and Nick? You'll have to stay tuned to find out, but I will try to give an appropriate resolution to things. Don't worry, a happy ending is planned.