draygan
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Damn that is HOT, so Vinyl got vored in the dream realm and then her body in the waking world was digested as her dream body was, so she looked like a Zombie-Pony that night, nicely done, but Luna has a spell to revive Vinyl doesn't she?
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That's correct, she does. That's why she saved the small bit of soul/dream Vinyl. HOW that's done is left entirely to your imagination.
7690370 Well that's good to hear that Vinyl won't be gone, after all I'm a HUGE fan of Vinyl and Octavia, they make a wonderful couple just like Lyra and Bon-Bon do.
Aaaaw, and here I was getting excited for a spider pred that might feature sexy external digestion! :(
Annnnd now it isn't even about the spider anymore... Dammit! >_>
I know I would :D
Overall, it is a shame this didn't go a more unique direction, but we'll see what chapter 2 holds.
The last line kind of ruins the whole story IMO. No responsibility, no consequences, no fatality, just a Deus Ex Machina overpowered bullshittery to lazily flip everything upside-down and make this into a non-fatal story. Also, I am a bit disappointed at the lack of explicit and sensual details in this chapter. The character behaviors are also a bit off, no way would Vinyl continue her performance after losing an eye.
If I were to change parts of this story yet keep it mostly the same, I would have Vinyl be free that night, and make her think she is still lucid dreaming only on her own now. I would make her hang around the house thinking about what to imagine, only to realize how hot and bothered she's feeling and start a clop marathon that would describe in every detail each change with her body, her soft unprotected private pars and how she is reacting to it and enjoying the "imaginary" change. At one point she will realize that she can't wake up even despite wanting to, and rush off directly to the palace. But due to the tissue and muscle damage to her appendages and underbelly, it will take her too long and even despite Luna being quick to react Vinyl will be already dead. And I wouldn't write the soul snippet part either because that's just cheating and it breaks immersion. Oh, and as for Luna, I would make it so she honestly believes digestion of soul (dream self) usually takes days to complete, and thus explain why she doesn't hurry. The only problem is that the digestion process goes times faster when the soul is not resisting and instead enjoying and even helping the process by rubbing all the juices into its body and willingly letting them get even to its deepest and most sacred of places.
But that's just me... The story is good even as it is, but you know what they say... there is always room for improvement! I love the main mechanic and idea of this story though! It has a lot of potential and I hope to see it done more!
P.S. Have I ever told you about a vore story script I am trying to find a co-author for? If not, would you be interested to discuss it? :P
I this this story would have been a lot better without this second chapter. Both Vinyl and Luna were terribly irresponsible for how flippantly they treated their situation. Would it have really been so hard for Luna to tell the guard to wait 5 minutes, fall asleep, and then spit the mare back out?
Good writing, vague details. For me this was more of an interest piece than a fetish piece, but there's nothing wrong with that, either. However, the final line of the story really does feel like a shoehorned, magical 'it's okay!!!!' button so that anyone who isn't comfortable with fatal can happily imagine that everyone was all fine and dandy in the end.
Me, personally? I get off on the idea of taking one's life for the sole and shameless purpose of personal indulgence. Fucked up, amirite? Either way, if you're gonna make it nonfatal, just make it nonfatal. Don't throw it in at the end like that disclaimer about animals they put at the end of Disney movies.
7690975 I agree with all that too; I didn't like the last sentence.
Huh a vore fanfic don't see those very often
BTW, I have to wonder... does a fading cutie mark mean anything specific in the context of this story? I know I've discussed my take on cutie marks and their connection to one's life force and magical energy (also innate magical resistance) in the past, but I can't really distinguish if this is a random coincidence or if we both had the same idea :D
7691738 I do a lot of soul vore RPs, wherein I use the cutie mark as a gauge as how digested it is. In this instance, it's standing in for the dream version, which I likened to the way the soul vore works. Once the mark is fully gone, there's nothing left to bring back.
7690724 I left it open ended for 2 reasons. One was it leaves it to the imagination how or even if Vinyl gets revived and two, I'm tossing around the idea of either a sequel or another chapter with a bad end.
7690825 My thinking on that is that, as princesses, there are some things that HAVE to be done on time every day or night. There wouldn't have been time to push it off five minutes.
7691920
There is a problem though, the way it is handled right now pretty much outright states that she WILL be revived, so it isn't really open-ended in any way.
And when the worst case happened
Sorry, but I don't see how this is open-ended. Maybe if the last sentence was less confident and more of Luna "trying" to restore her it would work better...
I am definitely up for a bad end though! A quick suggestion aside from everything that's been already said though - can you please consider spending more attention and love (both the usual and vore digestion-y kind) to the prey's private and other sensual bits? I loved the descriptions of her body getting eaten away, but it would be even hotter if she were to play with herself and thus help rub the acids into her most tender and unprotected spots, maybe even let it flow inside her deepest parts... Yeah, I know I am weird like that :P
Was this inspired by ThomasKasrkin/CantershireCommons/Lamplight's art?
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Yes it is