• Member Since 29th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen 56 minutes ago

ShadowsInTheDark


Comments ( 182 )

I'll try to get to reading this....once i get through all the other stories in my read later list.

You need an editor. DO IT!
Also I would have found it cooler if he used the arm blades used by the Skaven Assassin's.

6810359 I was trying to stay away from copying anything that could be linked to the Skaven really. XP

6810637 they live in filth and garbage, his rat men are way better.

Wow. Great minds think alike. My characters name was Ragnarok...

6814881 I guess it a good thing I changed it to be his last name then ^^

A lot of promise, but the consistent problem of the whole first chapter is that you really could use a lot more punctuation!

This

I didn't know what was happening all I did know was that I was hurt and couldn't move. I remember pushing some kid out of the road when he ran in to it. I don't see anyone coming to see if I'm alright. I'm also in a lot of pain. Am I dead?

should be, at least in my opinion

I didn't know what was happening, all I did know was that I was hurt, and couldn't move. I remember pushing some kid out of the road when he ran in to it. I don't see anybody coming to see if I'm alright. I'm also in a lot of pain.

Am I dead?

this

You might find that the impact is greatly increased when writing in such a style.

AHAHAHAHAHA! That Keep lord tricked his ass! Hahaaha!

I think you should go back through the chapters you've already published to do some self editing.
The story is good, but the grammar needs work, there's a lot of errors and issues that mess with the story. Secondly the pacing could also be better. The adventure could easily be expanded to provide more character and scenery development.
It's a great story, but it could be better. As in it has the telling of being a great story.

Inland?
Do you mean island, because 'inland' doesn't fit on how you are using the word?

"Darn servants of Thor… Getting drunk and causing trouble…” .
That line killed me. XD

It's like all I can say is "EDITOR, EDITOR!"
Can't stop reading lol

6873664 lol I'll look into that the guy who edits for me is just really busy.

Huh? A riot. Might as well go feed on their souls while Noone is looking. Tell Talion I said thanks. I will have it wiped from existence quickly.

You really need an editor. Other than that the story's pretty good, just the only part that bugs me is the sheer amount of grammar and spelling issues that are dwelling within this story. Only thing that I hate more than grammar and spelling? Spiders, giant spiders that scream death and horror.

Hehehe! The slaver king will die a slow and painful death for this!:pinkiecrazy:

Great story so far, and I'm looking forward to more.

One thing, though, you sometimes use Misty when you should be using Lily.

Will other races from fantasy Warhammer appear in this story?

7190972 I didn't plan on it , I was only going to use the skaven as a base and build up from there.

You need to improve the grammar. Good story, otherwise.

i get the feeling that he is on the LOST island

with the towers that move the island

the "black rock" ship that isn't near the water

and mentions of a tower that holds up the island

i bet there is like a giant statues foot somewhere in the story

.....i cant tell if the grammar problems from you lacking an editor/proof reader, or from the rat people being utter idiots and not being able to speak properly, making the errors intentional.....:derpytongue2:

Login or register to comment