ThunderStomp
Joined 16th Jun, 2015 ·
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This story seems interesting. I can't wait to see how he used to interact with the Princesses.
Interesting. A water mage in tune with the ocean initially at least.
Hmmm... So, he only avoids the Mary Sue tag because doing so makes him feel sick. Also, think he needs to go back to the original basics. Back to how he fought during his first jump.
I will have Cid show is original way of fighting during the invasion arc. However for now I am just setting the background for how the story will play out. Cid does seemed over powered, and in someways he is. Only becuase I created Cid using Jump-Chain. Some of his abilities are because of a dice roll and others via a rules give in chain. However I would like readers to please keep in mind that this is only first arc, and Cid's Character will be flushed out as things go.
Displaced Reviewer Name: Akemi Homura
Story Name: Displaced Jumper
Author Name: ThunderStomp
Biases:
Fellow story approver, thought that doesn't influence the story's approval. Slight disdain for Steven Gould and his stories does not influence the story's approval, either.
How much of the story did you read before making this review?:
Chapter 1 out of 2
I read only one chapter due to the story not exactly captivating me, and adding upon that, the first, non-prologue chapter should show the story's premise, and it is the prologue and first chapter that I review, always.
What do you think of the spelling/grammar?:
I have never seen a story ridden with so many mistakes - I am not one to talk, however, but despite English not being my main language, the spelling and punctuation mistakes hinder the reading of the story.
Please describe the main character as best you can based on what you read:
The main character seems to be based off of the Jumper series, and he must be an original character. The protag seems to be associated with many superheroes and artifacts, characters from the Marvel universe, weapons from the Kingdom Hearts universe and more. His name seems to be "Cid", or is at least his nickname.
Please describe the plot of the story as best you can based on what you read:
I have read only one chapter, and as such I am unable to accurately describe the story, but the past of the character seems to be intwined with the past of the Royal Pony Sisters. It looks as if the character either sacrificed himself or did something less than sane, which caused him to be encased in stone for a long period of time, which greatly predates Luna's banishment.
Is there anything else you would like to say about the story?:
Get an editor.
What do you recommend be done with this story?:
Despite the mistakes, I believe the story should be
APPROVED
Ratings:
Writing and punctuation: 4/10
Plot/Story: 5/10
References*: 7/10
*References: The amount of references in the story, bandwagoning and hoping to gain traction due to mentioning characters/items from different series, the lower the score the better. If I believe any story hits ten I will not approve it.
If you want this review to be deleted, just say so.
What's a Jumpchain?
6663300
A jump-chain is an RP system or story builder that uses sends your character to a different world, or universe and they spend 10 years there. While there the character can gain power or items and even lose them as well.
Oh, so he knows the proper response to the Doctor. At least, if you don't want to be his companion any ways, and aren't evil or attempting to be evil.
Just found this, and I gotta say it's a nice premise. I've seen plenty of Displaced stories, but I've only ever seen one other Jumpchain story, so this is overall a nice find.
On another note, I actually have an idea for a MLP/Jumpchain crossover as well. The difference is that it would star Twilight as a Jumper, following her through her own personal jumpchain.