• Published 17th Apr 2015
  • 24,846 Views, 1,059 Comments

I am God...apparently? - CrossRedstone

Lauren Faust wakes up one day in Equestria and guess what? Celestia and Luna tell her that A: she's the queen and B: they're her daughters. How will she cope? Will she stay or try to find a way back? Oh and she's an alicorn, of course.

  • ...

Just some talk, before we get to the fun stuff

Author's Note:

Alright, I NEED an editor for this one! Next month I finally start my full time job! Well, full time jobs here in Germany may differ from yours. You see when we learn to do a specific job, we go to the job, but we also have job school. Yes, it's just a normal school, only streamlined. Oh and since I'm not happy with this job (had no choice but to take it) I'm gonna be reapplying to job school after 2 to 3 years.

Long story short, since I'll be at a full time job, I'm gonna need lots of help in the future. Just look at what I produced here!!! Give me your very honest opinion, PLEASE!!!!!!

“I...have a father,” Celestia stated as a matter of fact.


“I have uncles.”

“Really nice ones, I assure you.”

“...Do I have step siblings?”

Lauren giggled nervously. “No.”

‘Not yet at least’

Celestia calmly poured herself another cup of tea and drank it all in one go. Cadance looked over to Lauren who returned the stare with a nervous expression.

“Please excuse me a moment,” Celestia stood up from her cushion and exited the room. The two other alicorns watched her leave until the door was slowly being shut.

Lauren let the past ten minutes play in her head once again, where she basically summarized her family life for Celestia and Cadance. The entire time the sun princess had been eerily quiet, although if her pint sized eyes were anything to go by, she also was definitely… nervouscited? Yes, Lauren decided that was the best way to describe Celestia’s behavior.

Cadance and Lauren now sat in front of each other, both looking in their still filled and now empty teacups.

“Umm…” Cadance began after a few minutes.


“So……. how is he? If it’s okay to ask…”

“Craig?” Lauren smiled. “He’s a real sweetheart and keeps me from overworking myself. We both work on children stories and worked together on several projects. One thing lend to another and...well we married.”

“Is that so? Well, how did you meet? When was your first date? How about-?”

“Cadance?” Lauren looked a little nervous, as with each question the pink alicorn had gotten closer and closer to the white one.

“What is it?” Cadance then noticed just how big the other alicorn appeared to be. She blushed, going back to her cushion.

“I’m sorry. I tend to get a little over enthusiastic when it comes to love,” the smaller pony giggled nervously.

Lauren smiled understandingly and carefully took a sip from her tea. It probably looked really awkward on how she had trouble keeping her hooves from shaking.

“Have you tried using your magic again?” the pink pony asked.

“Um…” Lauren looked a little distressed. “I still have no idea how to use it…”

“Oh...I’m sorry. I forgot for a moment...never mind.” Cadance shook her head.

“Say Cadance, what are your tasks inside the Equestrian government?” Lauren changed the subject. She was indeed curious about this, as Cadance had been added in season two. Plus she personally didn’t want another alicorn in the show.

“Huh? Oh, well...I’m not doing anything that important really,” the pink pony chuckled. “I help auntie Celestia with her paperwork from time to time or organize smaller events. Lately I have been helping auntie Luna getting used to modern politics and society. It’s...a work in progress.”

Lauren couldn’t help but giggle.

“I can imagine…”

At this moment, Celestia returned with a huge cake in her magical grip. Cadance frowned at the sight, while Lauren bit the inside of her cheek, in order to not burst out laughing. Why did those bronies make so many Celestia is obsessed with cake jokes?

“Auntie, really?”

“How would you react, if you met your mother after a long time and she told you she married the time she’s been gone?” the solar princess retorted in a not so princessy way.

“Uh...I would congratulate her?”

“Urrgh,” Celestia facehoofed. The simple notion of the Princess having a reason to facehoof in the first place was normally enough to make Lauren giggle. Now she was laughing out loud, causing the solar princess to give her mother a pouty glare. Which in return only made the alicorn laugh even harder. Her wings flared up and she accidentally knocked down her teacup.

“Ooops, haha….” The red maned alicorn took in some deep breaths in order to calm down. Cadance having obvious troubles suppressing her own laughter didn’t help in that regard. Celestia in the meantime levitated the broken shards in a safe spot, then summoned a rag, wiping the floor quickly.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” Lauren put a wing on her chest. She had trouble catching her breath and did her best not to burst out laughing again. It certainly didn’t help that Celestia gave her mother a deadpan expression.

After the Queen finally settled down, Celestia had poured her mother another cup of tea, but still had a frown on her face.

“Of course I wanted to have some more excitement in my life. I guess the saying: ‘Be careful what you wish for’ is indeed correct,” The white alicorn shook her head. “And as much as I would love to spend this time to actually catch up, it’s time we discuss your integration into the political system.”

“Political...system?” Lauren squeaked surprised. She had completely forgotten about this. “Are you sure this is a good idea? Especially this early?”

‘How about not putting me in at all?!’

“Believe me, the earlier the better. There are already rumors circulating around Canterlot about a fourth alicorn inside the castle. It won’t take long until the rumors go out of control.”

“Would it really be that bad?” Lauren asked. “I mean, I have my fair share of popularity, not a really big one, mind you, but enough that there are some people always spreading rumors. I remember one well, where it said that I was pregnant or the other one, where it said that Craig was seeing another woman, when he was just meeting an old school friend.”

Celestia and Cadance looked at Lauren unimpressed.

“You haven’t had much to do with politics lately, have you?” Cadance asked carefully.

“You mean aside from complaining how taxes are being wasted and big companies influencing the people in charge of things? Uh, not really. Oh yes, voting, I did, oh wait. Equestria doesn’t have a democracy.”

Democracy?!?! The two alicorns thought, aghast. They gave each other a look, which basically said: “We have A LOT of work to do.”

Lauren followed Celestia and Cadance into a small study. Of course “small” being relative as this was Canterlot Castle. Parchments, books, quills, ink pots, a desk, there was everything one needed for studying.

Celestia motioned for her mother to move over to the chair next to the study desk. A little awkwardly, the red maned mare placed herself on the chair and looked at the book lying on the desk. It was already opened, so Lauren couldn’t read the title.

“This is a history book about Equestria’s recent political history. Since the press will very likely ask you questions about recent events, it is imperative that you learn about those as fast as possible,” The solar princess explained.

“Oh dear…”

“Don’t worry,” Cadance put a wing over her grand-aunt’s back. “I’ll be there to help you. And you know what? If you’re quick enough to catch up to aunt Luna, we could turn this into a little study group,” the pink alicorn giggled.

“I guess it’s too late to ask if I simply could start a career as a writer of children's stories?”

Celestia rolled her eyes and nudged her mother playfully. “Don’t worry, mother. You won’t have to answer any questions today.”

“That’s a relief.”

“You will simply introduce yourself and tell your subjects how happy you are to be back in Equestria.”

Lauren blinked a couple of times. “Could you please repeat that last sentence? I’m sure I just misheard you,” She rubbed her ear with her hoof, to emphasize her words.

“Lesson number one mother: In politics appearance is everything. You’ll need to say-”

“WAIT, WHAT?!” Lauren’s voice changed into the royal canterlot tone for a second there, surprising everyone. “I-I can’t do this, Celestia! I’ll be too nervous to get a single word out! Give me a crowd of fans, I’ll hold you an interview any time, any day. But s-subjects?! At least give me a few days to get used to the idea!”

‘More like an eternity!’

Both Celestia and Cadance were taken by surprise by the sudden outburst. The look the older alicorn had on her face, reminded both princesses of Twilight, when she had one of her panic attacks.

“I really can’t do this, Tia! I am already a little nervous, whenever I see a new pony. Not to mention this is all really new to me! You’re claiming that I am the queen of this kingdom, yet I don’t remember ever being a pony! I still have my doubts about this entire situation! Half the time I expect to wake up any moment, after having one of the weirdest dreams in my entire life!” Lauren started to tremble. She imagined her eyes must have shrunk to pinpricks at this point.

Celestia wrapped both of her wings around her mother, pulling her into a comforting hug. It was strange. The sun princess was used to calming down her little ponies, only this time the pony wasn’t little. And her own mother.

“It will be alright,” The alicorn reassured. “I hate to drop this burden onto you, but you have to believe me that it is better to do this now, rather than have the tabloids have their way. Don’t worry, it will be easy. Luna and I will announce your return, you simply recite a few lines we have prepared and then you won’t have to do anything like this in the near future.”

“It’s foolproof,” Cadance chimed in. “We did the same with aunt Luna, when-”

A stern glare from Celestia cut Cadance off. Lauren looked confused between the two, until her she remembered what was going on. So far no one told her about ‘Lulu’s little screw up’, to put it mildly. Luna herself didn’t want to talk about this as of now.

“A-anyways, I’m sure it will go off without a hitch!” Cadance grinned nervously.

Acting as if she didn’t notice the slip up, Lauren took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Okay. I trust you with this.”