• Published 17th Apr 2015
  • 24,846 Views, 1,059 Comments

I am God...apparently? - CrossRedstone

Lauren Faust wakes up one day in Equestria and guess what? Celestia and Luna tell her that A: she's the queen and B: they're her daughters. How will she cope? Will she stay or try to find a way back? Oh and she's an alicorn, of course.

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Author's Note:

Well, I haven't heard from my editor in a while. I know he's been online these past days, but I'm kinda itching getting this thing out. I better prepare for some yelling later this week^^

Anyways, this chapter os only partially edited as a result, so sorry.

Why didn’t I listen to mom and became a secretary? Oh right, because I am a little “obsessed” with ponies as she liked to put it.

Lauren dared to peek through the curtains and immediately wished she hadn’t. Every single seat was taken by a pony reporter. She even saw the one pony the staff had planned from Manehatten, the one parodying Spider-Man’s boss. She frowned, not remembering the name of the stallion.

Before she accidentally stuck her entire head through, the alabaster alicorn pulled back.

This is my first bronycon all over again. Shaking hands… hooves, I guess, sweating bullets… yup. All that’s missing is me constantly tapping my fingers against my legs.


Right, I don’t have any fingers anymore.

Lauren let out a small sigh, wishing she could just teleport away, take on a disguise like a changeling and write children stories once again. She shook her head, trying to get it clear.

Okay, let’s go through this once again. I am Queen Lauren Faust… this sounds so ridiculous, I know this must come to quite a surprise to you, since I do not appear in any history book. The truth is, before Equestria was founded, Discord banished me into another world, before he was beaten by my daughters.

I’m sure, I’m not going to be able to say all this without being interrupted.

Where was I?

After more than a millennium, I was able to return to Equestria. I do not plan to- no, no this goes the other way- I WILL not partake in any-

Wait, wait, wait, something else came BEFORE that. Arrgh, my head!

“Art thee alright, mother?”

Lauren turned around and found Luna standing only a few steps away. The alicorn of the night held a cup of coffee in her blue magic grip, a cup which said “Best Princess in the World”. Lauren couldn’t stifle a giggle after reading the text, and Luna looked down on the cup with a smile of her own appearing on her face.

“A little gift from Tia,” Luna explained, taking a sip. She visibly enjoyed the hot drink and Lauren oh so wished she could use magic like any other unicorn, so she could enjoy a glass of water.

“Thou… you look worried,” Luna pointed out.

“Worried is an understatement. I’m trying to focus on the lines I’m supposed to say, but I get them wrong all the time,” the red maned pony groaned, shaking her head. “This isn’t even the first time I’m doing this kind of thing and here I am, nervous as if this is my first one.”

“Tis not your first interview?” Luna asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No. Remember, when I told you one of my stories made it big time back on Earth?”


“That’s what the world is called, where I came from.”

The blue alicorn looked unimpressed. “Not a very imaginary name.”

“I know.” Lauren chuckled. “Anyways, one of my stories, which is a story for small children, girls to be precise, somehow gained so many fans that there is now an event every year in which fans of the story gather together to basically throw one big party. Of course I am always invited and so I give an interview before the beginning of the party.”

“Is that so? Mother, thou hast spoken plenty about your story. Pray tell, what is thy story called and what is it about?”

“Uhh, umm…” Lauren bit the inside of her cheek, a slight blush creeping up her cheeks. She was unprepared for the question, especially in a situation like this, where she was already pretty nervous. “Oh...you know, it’s just your normal children’s stories of some girls becoming friends, living a quite fun life, getting into fights, forgiving each other...the plot basically writes itself.”

It did NOT write itself in any stretch of the imagination, that was a flat out lie. Although she stopped writing episodes for the show a long time ago, she still remembered struggling with the first few. She just wanted it to be perfect.

Luna raised an eyebrow at her mother’s odd behavior, wondering why the older alicorn was so embarrassed talking about it.

“Come now, mother. We...we, I mean me… I mean, we...urgh.”

Lauren didn’t even try to suppress the giggle, as she witnessed the princess of the night stumbled over her own words.

“‘Tis too early for us.” the blue alicorn muttered, emptying her coffee mug in one huge sip. “Now then, where were we? Right. Please, tell us about the story. We art genuinely curious about it. Did thee know that Tia up to this day still reads your old tomes. In fact, she keeps thy original work in her chamber.”

“My original work?” Lauren asked, genuinely curious now.

Luna nodded. “Indeed she does. Now, why-”

“Hello there, everypony.” Luna and Lauren looked to the side and found out that it was Cadance who interrupted the princess. Lauren spoke a silent thanks inside her head and let out a sigh of relief.

“Ready for the big announcement?” the alicorn of love asked her grand aunt. Just as soon as it came, Lauren’s relief was gone and replaced with nervousness once again.

“Oh...er...I…” Lauren could only stutter at this point.

Cadance’s smile didn’t falter at all. She simply walked towards the alicorn and put a supporting hoof on the older one’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. I was nervous too on my first interview. The trick is not to think of those ponies as reporters, but rather as friends. Just imagine you’re meeting up with a few old friends and everything will be fine.”

“Hehe...thank you, Cadance. I’ll try it. Though, I think I prefer my method of imagining them all in underwear.”

Cadance and Luna stopped in their motions, blinking at the Queen exactly three times, before each of them bursted out into a fit of laughter.

“Imagining them in underwear…” Cadance rubbed a stray tear out of her eye. “Oh this is rich. I have to remember that one.”

“Well, at least everypony appears to be in high spirits.” Celestia’s voice came from behind Lauren. The former human turned around, only to stumble over her own legs and would have hit the ground, if not for Celestia’s quick intervention. Surrounded by a golden aura, the red maned alicorn was levitated back on her four hooves. She gave Celestia a sheepish smile, muttering a small thank you.

“Are you ready, mother?”

“Since Honesty is an Element of Harmony, I would say, I am more ready to spend an entire day with Discord, while wearing a pink tu tu, than facing the crowd outside.” Lauren deadpanned.

Celestia gave her trademark kind smile, nuzzling her mother down the neck. The other two alicorns joined in, nuzzling and tickling the queen from both side. Lauren giggled, her wings almost flapping a little bit. When it was over, she was more than a little disappointed.

“Now then, do you remember your lines?”

“Not really.” Lauren shook her head. “I went over it 20 times already, but I keep getting it wrong. Guess I’ll have to improvise, unless we cancel this whole thing. But of course the people will start asking question, like what the whole fuzz was about and the such. Urrgh...politics.”

Celestia giggled at the last statement. “Don’t worry. I had a feeling something like this was going to happen and placed some notes on the podium.”

“Oh thank you. Celestia.” Lauren let out a sigh of relief. “Why haven’t I thought of this myself?”

“Well, this is a big day.” Cadance pointed out. “And you already said you’re quite nervous. Harmony knows I was, when I had to give my first interview. Personally I would say the worst part is, when they just won’t stop asking questions.”

“Which will not happen today.” Luna declared. “Mother is still far from a full recovery. She will not stand there any longer than necessary.”

Lauren smiled at Luna in appreciation. Though she also felt guilty for using her “condition” as an excuse for keeping herself away from the public eye. Not that she wanted to stay locked away in the castle forever. The little girl inside of her was desperate to get out and with each hour spend with Tia, Lulu, Cadance or even one of the guards! She made a mental note to find some sort of relief, before she was taken over completely. But that had to wait until after her appearance.

“It is time.” Celestia stated, her eyes closed. “Don’t worry, mother. Everything will be fine. Wait for me, to announce you. And try not to trip over your hooves so much.” She chuckled, the other two princesses joining. Lauren puffed her cheeks, looking away.

As soon as the portal opens, I’m going to shove you through. Then we’ll see how you handle being on two feet!

Celestia walked slowly and regally towards the podium, the other princesses looking after her. The mere presence of the sun princess appeared to be enough to silence the conversations the reporters had been having with each other.

“Thank you for coming today, everypony. I am sure you’re all curious as to why I summoned you all here today, although, I am sure some rumors have already spread. There’s hardly a day, when Luna comes to me and demands I throw one or two of you into the dungeon, because of your “treacherous publications”.” Celestia shook her head, a small smile on her face.

Meanwhile, backstage Lauren put a hoof over her muzzle in order not to laugh at Luna’s pouty face.

“And sometimes” Celestia continued “I’m inclined to agree. Maybe the freedom of speech wasn’t such a good idea after all?”

The audience laughed a little at their princess’ joke.

“All joking aside, I think I have let you waiting long enough. The reason Princess Luna and I decided on this public announcement was because there is somepony special we would like you to meet. And I better say it now, neither Luna nor I are engaged, nor are we having, expecting or adopting any foals. And we’re not getting married either.”

Lauren could see several faces falling and even some notes being scratched out.

“They seriously believed that?” Lauren whispered.

“This isn’t even the most outrageous idea they had come up.” Cadance explained silently. “For some reason they keep asking about potential heirs...even though one of them is right in front of their noses.” Cadance grinned.

“Now then, before I introduce you to the mare, I need to tell you something important beforehoof. The mare in question is unfortunately is suffering from partial amnesia and magical exhaustion.”

Celestia let the murmurs go on for a minute or two, until she raised a hoof, perfectly silencing the reporters.

“The reason for that being is that she finally escaped a prison, to which none other than Discord, the Lord of Chaos himself imprisoned her over a thousand years ago.”

Now this got the crowd riling. While not all of the ponies present were too well versed in history, all of them understood the meaning of “Lord of Chaos” and “1000 years ago”. Some of the journalists began suspecting it having to do something with the recent Nightmare Moon incident.

Another raised hoof and everypony was silent.

“I am sure you have a lot of questions and later I will do my best to answer them all. Given the state the mare is in, neither my sister nor I want her to exhaust herself. She will merely introduce herself as of today. You may ask yourself why she isn’t waiting for her recovery. It is rather simple, my little ponies. We do not want any misinformation to get out or appear as if we are hiding something from our subjects. Honesty is an Element of Harmony, after all.”

“Did she plan to say this line?” Lauren asked. “Or did she just improvise on something I said earlier?”

“We have not the faintest clue.” Luna admitted.

“With that being said-”

Oh, oh. Here it comes.

Luna and Cadance stood on either side of the tensing alicorn.

Now I REALLY want to teleport myself away.

“-let me introduce to you Lauren Faust. Or as Luna and I like to call her, mother.”

Before Lauren even walked on stage, there was a major outcry in the audience. Questions were being asked, each reporter trying to shout louder than the other. Lauren, already nervous beforehand, tried to run away, as her fight or flight instincts kicked in. She was stopped, by Luna’s magic, who held her tight. At the same time, Cadance’s own horn lit up and for a short time Lauren was surrounded by a purple light. Strangely enough, the anxiety she had been feeling up to this point vanished. Just like that.

“I figured you would need it.” Lauren looked over to Cadance, who smiled kindly.

“H-huh? What did you do?” the woman asked, totally confused.

“Just a little spell. To calm your nerves.” Cadance assured. “Now go, before THEY come onstage to see you.”

Lauren nodded, gulping. Despite the spell, she was not looking forward to this. Partially because of having her feelings tempered with, even if it was for her own good.

Remember, this is just like your first bronycon. Wave and smile, wave and smile.

With that mantra in mind, the alicorn slowly, but surely walked towards Celestia, who didn’t appear at all fazed by the shouts. Actually all of the shouting stopped, as soon as Lauren’s head was visible. She already stood out being larger than everypony else, but what really caused the ponies to gasp was as soon as her wings were visible, as she stepped through the curtain. In order to avoid their cute, curious gazes, Lauren focused completely on Celestia, who had an honest to goodness smile on her face. The red maned pony expected the princess of the sun to step away and give her the podium. Instead she hugged the former human, who was caught off guard by this motion. Reflexively she wrapped her own wings around Celestia, unintentionally perfecting the image of mother and daughter. As surprised as the pony reporters were, they saw an opportunity for a great front page picture and soon enough the cameras started clicking.