Poor. Very, very poor. Though the writing itself is okay, grammar and spelling wise, as far as I can tell with my imperfect knowledge of english, the story itself is just extremely poor and below average. Xenophobic ponies has been done to death, and rarely has it ever been done well. All of the mane six are out of character. Celestia is out of character, extremely so. Why would Twilight just assume someone sent by Celestia would be lying? Why wouldn't she even bother sending her mentor a letter to make sure? Why would Twilight torture or hurt another being without looking for evidence first? This is Twilight Sparkle we are talking about, after all. Why didn't Celestia send a letter with Tobis to explain? Why did she wait SIX MONTHS to check up? And why didn't Twilight at ANY POINT during those SIX MONTHS think to write her mentor?

I could go on and on about the things that make no sense in the slightest, but you get the idea. Your plot is just so full of holes that if it were a roof, the rain would just fall straight through it. It's just ponies doing bad things for no other reason than because you need it for the story, to give Celestia an excuse to give punishments that are cruel and out of character, for no other reason than because you needed it for the story. That is extremely poor writing, I am sorry to say. At no point did I feel I was reading about Celestia or the Mane Six. I was reading about two-dimentional xenophobes and torturers who just so happened to coincidentally have the same names as the characters from the show. That just won't do. Your characterization was awful and the decisions they made absurd, contrived and nonsensical.

On the technical side of things, you're good, but you really need a much better plot and, above all, much more believable characters.

Yes I do. I take enthusiastic walks through the woods

What you did there
I see it

I have no words to describe of what Twilight has done. Towards a sapient being no less.
Luna will probably unleash unending nightmares upon ponyville apart from 2 families.

Wow.... Twilight..... My god. She became beyond worse then Sunset Shimmer. How is she an element bearer.

5793213 I appreciate the input, I truly do, and I thank you for the complement to my skill. I am aware that I have a long way to go in improving my skills, and that's a journey I'm very happy to make. I'm sorry you don't like the story, and I do hope you'll forgive my skewed portrayal of the M6 and Celestia. And regardless of your opinion, i thank you for taking time to read it and provide such constructive criticism.

I hope to see how the main 6 deal with their punishments in the next few chapters. Twilight especially ponies freak out about everything so with that new face her life is over.....

5793254 I wonder what cadence and shining armor would think about this?

5793915 Chapter* singular. And you'll hear about how they deal with it, don't worry.
5793960 You'll be hearing about that as well, at the same time as the other thing.

... Obviously, he was lying, so when the beast landed, the mayor had him arrested, and I was tasked with keeping him held. Why do you ask?”

What about the mayor's punishment?

5794238 hmm... thank you for pointing that out... i'll address that I the next chapter.

Jesus Christ, what the fuck.

I'm sorry...this needs work. Over reactions by everyone.

I had to respect her resolve to hold up, but she seemed genuinely proud of her heinous actions, as though she believed they were justified.

Typical redneck.

5793213 Well, it IS a fanfiction.

5796213 Yeah, folks down here in the south are stubborn as an ox. Also, thanks for sticking up for me

I wonder how long it will be before we see how those from the Crystal Empire react to this. You know who I am talking about.

5802718 ... am I the only one that reads comments on the way down to the text box? next chapter, pal. next chapter.

5802784
I only read long comments and/or ones that have pictures or videos that might be hilariously relevant if there has been more than a day after a chapter was posted.

5802799 I can dig that. There will be several questions answered in the final chapter, so keep your eyes peeled.

where was Spike?

5879729 i forgot to fix that... it's supposed to have in there somewhere that he was confined to the library until further notice.

6213898 Why, thank you very much! if you like this, my other works actually have a decent plot to them. This really isn't a great example of what I can do. Being that I adopted this fic from another user, it isn't as good as I'd like. And I will profess, there are a great number if flaws in the story.

I just found this story and noticed that it has 66 likes and 6 dislikes...

How ominous, I will read this now!

Well uh...

That was slightly out of character...

But hey, a story's a story, even if it's a bit exaggerated.

I guess i'll keep reading.

THIS. this is the best kind of celestia. the one who is merciful to the breaking point, and once that point is passed, she rains fiery vengeance down upon whoever it was who pissed her off. it really ties the whole 'immortal goddess' thing together.

6358403
...
...
Thanks?
Sorry, I'm just not accustomed to people saying they like this Celestia.
Folks typically say they dislike the characterization in this story,
Thank you very much for the compliment.
I'm surprised people are somehow still finding their way here.

6358515 dude. duedudededudedudedueDUDE! do you know what makes me most mad about Celestia as she is portrayed in the show. she's shown to be some sort of almighty being, who has lived for only she knows how long, who moves a massive ball of hydrogen 1.989E30 kg across the sky everyday. no matter how you look at it, she's a goddess. and they say that she's some sort of ultimately benevolent being who will always forgive any transgression against her and her loved ones every time. no. she is an ultra-powerful, being powered directly by THE SUN. if the dude she loves gets his ass whooped, imprisoned, and tortured, she's not gonna take an apology. she's going to go F*CKING old testament. I actually think that you kinda toned the punishment down a bit. she was obviously being lenient. if it were me writing this, she would have done all the stuff she did, and she would have executed mayor mare (because, you know), and she would have burned the library to ash.

but it's your story man, do what you want. I think that you have a real talent for writing.

6358757 Um...You don't know the story behind Mayor Mare yet. You'll understand in the next chapter.

6358764 yeah, no duh, but i'm saying, that's what I would do.

6358784 I'll just say that Celestia has her reasons for sparing the mayor.

one word: Damn

6483135 Yeah, I know It's not that great. You should check out my other stuff. I have way better stuff than this. My stuff is pretty decent. Please read my stuff.

Stuff.

Also, how the hell did you find this story? How the hell is anybody still finding their way here?!

Thanks for the faav. Means a lot.

6483298 I'm a guy that likes to read sad and tragedy stories. This story is good and hope to see more soon.

6483310 I'm trying to finish it up. It's just difficult.

If you like sad, you should check out A Mother Wolf... It's a work in progress, but it'll be on par with this story's quality.

Maybe you should have Shining confront Celestia about Twilight's punishment. You know that he will find out sooner or later and will be pissed at Celestia for doing that to Twilight.

6501977 I've got my plans for Shiny and Cady. Don't worry.

6502174 By the way I noticed you never mentioned Spike, I mean was he involved or not with the events?

6545916 It's stated in chapter two that Celestia confined him to the library. He is a child, after all.

I briefly thanked Faust that I had remembered to confine Spike in the library...

6545970 I meant did he help with the torture or tried to help Tobias.

6545986 ToBIS. No a in his name. And of course he didn't help with the torture. He's a child. He wasn't even aware of what Twi was doing to Tobis because, again, he's a child.

Fair point. Besides, someone had to ask that question.

Sooooo... new chapter soon?

6568038 Don't do that. Don't ask for updates. If you look at my story list, you'll see that I have a number of other, much bigger and better (though tragically less popular) projects going. Monsters isn't a priorty for me anymore. It's... pretty low on the list, actually.

Expect it in a few months, I guess. Maybe even longer. I wouldn't hold my breath.

I wish people would stop finding this trash...

6568360 jaymitlo.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Bart-Simpson-sorry-1.gif

6570874 It's cool. It's just, no one likes being asked about updates. You can ask MythrilMoth, Rated Ponystar, Tatsurou... they'll all tell you the same. It makes us feel rushed-obligated to work on the small stuff when we have way bigger fish to fry.

5793254 glad to see there are authors who can take being criticized and use it to improve. Good job!
Anyway not a big fan for reasons meantioned by the previous critic but still enjoyed it so 4/10.

6568360 If they're less popular then they're less good in the eyes of the many.
(meaning this one is better, nob!). (i really hate authors who dislike their own stories. does it show?).

6718547 that's not necessarily the case. Here, let me spell out why I hate this story and want to be done with it:

The plot is so unoriginal that it should have just been glossed over like any other terrible story. But it wasn't. And that frustrates me. Go read almost any other story on my page and I promise that it'll be much better.

The characters aren't faithfully portrayed, and at times the even seem like completely different ponies. Like villains.

This story was never my idea to start with. It's popular because I adopted the idea from another well known writer. It's what I call a leach fic. And I hate that.

Am I making myself clear?

In general, this story is pretty much everything I hate seeing in the feature box. I thank Providence that it never actually got featured. Who knows how I'd really feal about it then. It might be different if I had the ego of say... Mythrilmoth. He knows he's good-and he's right. If you want to see my best work, go check out Harmony Hearts or Roses and Violets or even Wounded Damsel - Desperate Warrior. They are leagues better that this. And two of those only have a couple of chapters.

6718849
1: Just because something is unoriginal doesn't make it bad.

2: It's called an Alternate Universe.

3. Point number one still stands strong.

4: yes.

5: I despise all stories with sex as a major theme. Im not exactly a fan of lesbian shipping. And i dislike kingdom hearts. If you think those are your best, then i have no respect for you.

Goodbye.

6721468 you must hate any kind of adult romance fiction, then. I only have two stories that have sex as a major theme. Most stories I have that have a sex tag merely have sex in them. We both have our own opinions.

Every writer is entitled to feel how he/she chooses about their stories. And just because you aren't a fan of something, doesn't mean it's bad. Being that you aren't a KH fan, I'd be willing to bet you didn't even read HH. The overall quality of the stories I suggested are better, have more originality, and better written characters.

Just so we're clear on one thing, I am proud of this story. Please don't misunderstand that. It's one of my creations. I just know I could have done far, far better than I did. And now that I've lost the drive to work on it, I'm disgusted because I know I can't rewrite it. I respect your opinion, so please respect mine. I may be a 'nob' who hates this story, but (as my name suggests) I am a generous man. I have left this up because people seem to like it. I just wish my more original stories would receive this kind of attention. Furthermore, I'd like to apologize for yesterday's hostility. I was actually having a pretty bad day, having just lost my job, and I let that bleed into my fanfiction life. It was extremely unprofessional, and I'm sorry for that.

Is the story dead?....