- Member Since 21st Sep, 2014
- offline last seen Nov 14th, 2023
GenerousGhibli
Alas, I am a very peculiar pansexual strawberry with a particularly practical skill for painting purple stuff.
GenerousGhibli
Joined 21st Sep, 2014 ·
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So far, I am intrigued. Keep this going!
5690204 I definitely will, it's my highest priority.
troll.me/images/dat-link/baby-baby-i-like-like-what-i-see.jpg
5690482 that is... disturbing.
Incoming Ponyville antics...it's gonna be painful.
5690612 Antics? ha... HA!!! I almost feel bad now.
Interesting, I've got to get more of this
5691484 well, hello again. Don't worry, it won't take as long as RaV did, so just keep hoooldin ooon!!!
5691498 Aaaaaaaallllllllllll rrrrrrrrriiiiiiggggghhhhttt
5691509 you are a terrible singer... but then so I! So who cares?!
5691554 Yay
You have my attention.
5691728 well, that's a feat I usually struggle with, regarding anyone really.
KILT?!
I WANT ONE! 
Also, looking good so far! Such foreshadowing! Much wow!
5691810 they actually aren't hard to find. I have one. It's really comfy.
5691828 I should have gotten one during my time in Scotland. An authentic one would be far superior to that "Made in China/USA" BULLSHIT!
5691855 tch, I made mine. I was just saying you can find them.
5691871 Oh. You know, this is probably the first reply train I've been in on this site. I'd like to give you credit to partially inspiring my own story with this one.
Just the whole pilot-idea.
5691882 actually, it's my dream to fly. Flight is the ultimate freedom, and I want that more than anything... sudden emotions are sudden...
5691893 Yeah. I'm thinkin' of joining the air force as soon as I'm of age.
5691921 I would have, but I'm no soldier. Besides, I've got this problem with my ankle that would keep me from joining up. I have to walk with a cane over long distances. So yeah.
5691959 Yeah. You have to go through a surprising amount of training to join. I'm not necessarily a soldier either. I'd rather live my war fantasies through Airsoft and video games.
5692124 I prefer not having them.
I hope what ever happens to tobias doesn't cripple/disable him physically and/or mentally
5694126 you'll just have to wait and see
I gotta know! Is it the Six!? Do they torture him!? What happens, man!
5704337 pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw10581_medium.jpg
you'll find out next chapter, so just, hold your horses.
We got an ETA on that chapter, BTW OMG?
5716698 Um... Soon? I'm not going to promise you a date, but what I can ppromise is that I am working very hard on it, and thatI will be finished by the end of the month. I've got a lot of projects going, and I'm trying to get into school, so I have a LOT on my plate. Please, be patient, okay?
5716769 Okay...
Instant raspberry to this gunk load.
5717475 what, if I may ask, was wrong with it? I like to know why people dislike my stories.
Poor. Very, very poor. Though the writing itself is okay, grammar and spelling wise, as far as I can tell with my imperfect knowledge of english, the story itself is just extremely poor and below average. Xenophobic ponies has been done to death, and rarely has it ever been done well. All of the mane six are out of character. Celestia is out of character, extremely so. Why would Twilight just assume someone sent by Celestia would be lying? Why wouldn't she even bother sending her mentor a letter to make sure? Why would Twilight torture or hurt another being without looking for evidence first? This is Twilight Sparkle we are talking about, after all. Why didn't Celestia send a letter with Tobis to explain? Why did she wait SIX MONTHS to check up? And why didn't Twilight at ANY POINT during those SIX MONTHS think to write her mentor?
I could go on and on about the things that make no sense in the slightest, but you get the idea. Your plot is just so full of holes that if it were a roof, the rain would just fall straight through it. It's just ponies doing bad things for no other reason than because you need it for the story, to give Celestia an excuse to give punishments that are cruel and out of character, for no other reason than because you needed it for the story. That is extremely poor writing, I am sorry to say. At no point did I feel I was reading about Celestia or the Mane Six. I was reading about two-dimentional xenophobes and torturers who just so happened to coincidentally have the same names as the characters from the show. That just won't do. Your characterization was awful and the decisions they made absurd, contrived and nonsensical.
On the technical side of things, you're good, but you really need a much better plot and, above all, much more believable characters.
What you did there
I see it
I have no words to describe of what Twilight has done. Towards a sapient being no less.
Luna will probably unleash unending nightmares upon ponyville apart from 2 families.
Wow.... Twilight..... My god. She became beyond worse then Sunset Shimmer. How is she an element bearer.
5793213 I appreciate the input, I truly do, and I thank you for the complement to my skill. I am aware that I have a long way to go in improving my skills, and that's a journey I'm very happy to make. I'm sorry you don't like the story, and I do hope you'll forgive my skewed portrayal of the M6 and Celestia. And regardless of your opinion, i thank you for taking time to read it and provide such constructive criticism.
This is the only part that really bothers me. This story is really well paced while being told in present tense, but whenever you tell backstory it's as if you're trying to sum a novel up in a paragraph. Hell, their first meeting seems like it could've/SHOULD'VE been an entire chapter in and of itself.
Otherwise, no real problems. The grammar and spelling is good-
-ok, a few little niggles, but nothing major. The present pacing is pretty good, and the characters are interesting. Hope to see more.
I hope to see how the main 6 deal with their punishments in the next few chapters. Twilight especially ponies freak out about everything so with that new face her life is over.....
5793254 I wonder what cadence and shining armor would think about this?
5793915 Chapter* singular. And you'll hear about how they deal with it, don't worry.
5793960 You'll be hearing about that as well, at the same time as the other thing.
What about the mayor's punishment?
5794238 hmm... thank you for pointing that out... i'll address that I the next chapter.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck.
I'm sorry...this needs work. Over reactions by everyone.
Typical redneck.
5793213 Well, it IS a fanfiction.
5796213 Yeah, folks down here in the south are stubborn as an ox. Also, thanks for sticking up for me
I wonder how long it will be before we see how those from the Crystal Empire react to this. You know who I am talking about.
5802718 ... am I the only one that reads comments on the way down to the text box? next chapter, pal. next chapter.
5802784
I only read long comments and/or ones that have pictures or videos that might be hilariously relevant if there has been more than a day after a chapter was posted.