- Member Since 26th Apr, 2014
- offline last seen Nov 15th, 2022
CreepyPony
Hello there! I'm your everyday guy who enjoys writing lewd stories about gay horses (and the occasional mare). So feel free to stick around if that's your thing, I hope to please you all
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How the hell did this get on the popular list with over 33 likes and 4 dislikes, when there are no reviews...? The hell? Do you got 33 fake accounts or something?
5547938 I'm not sure how this story got so popular so fast, but I assure you I have this is my only account, and I have better things to do than just sit around all day making fake accounts
Fantastic work. I'd love to see more Elusive clop from you!
5548956 Thank you! I have plans for many more clopfics to come, both gay and straight. So for now I'd like to focus on writing about other characters, but I'll eventually write more stuff about that feminine stallion
First off:
Manikin. Mannequin. There's a very important distinction.
Wrong "its." A good way to keep it straight is to replace "it's" with "it is." Because that's what it's a contraction of.
Right. Now that the obvious things are taken care of, let's move on to an actual critique of sorts. The prose is decent enough, I suppose. A bit more flowery than really necessary, but not to the point where I cringe to read it.
The main critique I have, I guess, is that there's not really much in the way of story here. Or anything, really. I mean, I get that this is just a quick little vignette where Elusive jerks off. It's not written anywhere that that's not allowed. But this could be dramatically improved if there was an actual story made out of it. Like, this is absolutely begging to be continued into a full Elusive/Blitz romance, or at the very least a contrived sex scene loosely justified by 3,000 or so words of build-up.
That's just my two cents. Having ideas is all fine and good, but never be afraid to expand on them. You'll be surprised where it takes you.
5554645
I'm guessing that by "flowery" you mean my excessive word building in certain places. I'll admit I tend to do that a lot when I'm not sure what to write next and just use it as a replacement for any real story progression. It's a habit I'm not proud of, but will try to improve upon in the future.
Moving on, yes this was just meant to be a short fic where Elusive jerks it to the stallion he longs for. I get what you're saying, and I agree that I could have done much more with this concept if I had taken a bit more time to work on this. Perhaps some day in the near future, I'll write a sequel to this in which Elusive confronts Rainbow Blitz about his inner feelings towards him.
I'd also like to thank you for taking the time to give me a critique, it really means a lot to me
I usually don't like Mane 6 x Mane 6 shipping. Rather it be R63 or not. But since Elusive didn't really have sex with Biltz I liked this.
Sequel?
Sorry to burst your bubble, but Equestria After Dark features anything that's sent in as long as it is nsfw. That would mean that this story isn't too special. :C
Sorry about that.
More Elusive clopfics pls
I absolutely loved this fic. I encourage you to make another chapter where Elusive and Blitz meet awkwardly and maybe get together.
I came for a clopfic I guess I found art.
Sequel with Elusive and Blitz next please.
Sequel?