Running a business is hard work, but I love my Boutique. Creating the suits and dresses my friends and customers love wearing is my life.
Caring for my little sister is no small feet, but I can’t give her up. She is my sister and I love her dearly. I give her all I can, even if my time may be required by friends and work too. I will just have to do my best to make up for when I couldn’t be there in some other way.
Life in Satyrville is good, the village is booming, largely thanks to what my friends are doing for the village on an everyday basis. Supplying safety, food, entertainment, clothing and leadership.
Business is good, this calls for frequent influx of the items I can not make myself, like the Manequines, I had a new one delivered most recently. Looking closer, it was wearing a rein. At first I did not really notice it or react on it. The curious looking black leather I initially thought it was crafted out of, only it was shiny rubber, holding the curse in. How this is to affect me and my business is for the future to tell.
An interesting start.
You need an editing pass. It's not just that there's a mix of present tense and past tense. I can accept that the start of the story is her in the here and now, separate from the "retelling" aspect of later on. That can be a stylish choice of the story, and can be something that has a purpose.
There's a few cases of wrong word / missed letter that doesn't trigger a red spelling line.
Now, Satyrs? Arms with hands, and legs with hoofs? That's a new one. Will be interesting to see how this plays out.
The magic of the ... can't call it a ponequin, so mannequin, changing on her -- she isn't bothered, or freaked out, or calling "Twilight? Please come and check this out for me"?
At this point, I'd be calling in the magic expert. It just *sounds like* someone has been "frozen" and given a sealed tight mouth. That it changed from looking like a plastic doll to looking like a real person ... should be enough of a warning sign.
Alright, this chapter has several missing open quotes and some errors that should be redlines.
And now, the "what's going on" gets more intense. Specifically, Pinkie is saying that she couldn't take it off -- and Rarity isn't worried or looking into dangerous magic concerns.
Something that is of magical fetish nature *without any safeties* should ring all sorts of warning bells in a world of magical mind control. Right?
I am still concerned about the lack of safeties.
I do wonder where you planned on going next.