- Member Since 9th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen 6 hours ago
Ponyess
I just recently started to write stories directly towards the FiM actively, though I have been writing for years, publishing numerous stories at Mibba and the eventual pony story, as far as to the MLP
Sequels1
-
Ponyess · 3.7k words · 10 18 · 413 views
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- ReadingRainbow · 2.4k words · 146 22 · 12k views
- The Storyteller world · 15k words · 60 3 · 1.4k views
- Sahelanthropus · 3k words · 195 15 · 3.5k views
- Holocron · 63k words · 184 30 · 6.8k views
- Dark Nightshade · 4.9k words · 107 18 · 2.8k views
- Jicho · 19k words · 31 5 · 1k views
- Holocron · 1000 words · 62 16 · 1.9k views
- Darqfang343 · 9k words · 62 12 · 3.1k views
Featured In17
- Pinkie Pie: Pinkamena Diane Pie1,857 stories ·1,624 members
- Useful Feedback608 stories ·236 members
I Just Want a Comment15,737 stories ·3,677 members
Futaquestria2,542 stories ·6,261 members
- clop 268 stories ·103 members
My Little Fetish16,615 stories ·8,575 members
Completed Story Compendium21,078 stories ·1,703 members
- BDSM621 stories ·799 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.113 seconds
Total duration
861 users online
495,159 hits today, 2,591,549 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This needs a couple more editing passes at minimum. You'very got tense shifts in the opening paragraph!
6534546 I am sure I will edit this story several times over along the way, but unless I have a solid lead on what I can improve on, that will have to wait a few weeks. If I had the aid of an editor, or at the very least a proof reader, there is a chance I had picked up on a few more details.
If you are talking of what I think you mean, the situation is in past tense. Yet, Rarity's insecurity is not directly linked to time. There is no reference to her having done any enchantments before, and not likely that she will do any time soon. This is why she referred to Twilight, who is the more experienced and capable Pony for the job.
On that note, feel free to point out anything you think could be improved and suggest changes to the effect. I am always happy to accept help towards improving the story and my story telling in general.
Hoooooly shit. This needs SO much editing.
A lot of spelling mistakes, tense issues and spell Reins two different ways in the description.
Then there's all the page breaks. You don't need them at all. It just makes the formatting weird.
And THEN...the dialogue. It sounds like two amateur actors trying to improv.
The word choice too is weird. I mean how about this line?
Surely there are better words to use than orifice and dialate? You're trying to make a sexy scene and those are generally not sexy words. It's just...A chore to read in it's current state.
6536749 Thanks for pointing out that glaring issue, that should be fixed. I hope it looks better now.
Page Breaks? I wish they actually had page breaks for longer chapters. It can be a pain to follow a story when the chapter is too long.
I use these breaks to signify changes larger than the paragraphs, or when there is a day break or similar.
I could use some help on that, if you care to give a hint or suggest specifics?
If you have better alternatives for this particular or in general, please let me know.
Oh, and thanks in advance.